shell shocked

How dreadful this must be for you. My first thought, along with many other posts, was that the cancer could have spread to your husband's brain- maybe this has occurred to him and he's very frightened (God knows I'd be terrified) and, as often happens, he's taking it out on you (not fair I know). Also regarding alcoholic son, why take him to your home, visit him at his flat. Until you have your husband's medical condition confirmed you can't really make any big decisions.

I was going to post the same as GabriellaG and say that I believe it is the norm for lorry drivers to sleep in their vehicles and that I understood they are well equipped for that purpose.
Another reason is that they would want to ensure the safety of their load and the security of the lorry.

I do feel for you Teddy111, it must be awful for you not knowing whether your DH is really ill and mean or just mean. It must have been quite hard over the years too if he hates your son. My DH doesn't really like my DD (possibly for good reason) and it is the one thing that I find myself really unhappy about.
What would happen if you chose to ignore your husband's demands? Would he just grumble a lot or would he get violent? If it were the latter, I would probably look for an escape route but if it were the former, I would probably wait to see the Drs in January to find out what was going on with his health and regroup then. The most important thing is that you are safe.

Thank you again to everyone,you have been so kind.There are so many good ideas and I am really grateful. (It is the norm for drivers to sleep in their cabs,if they have to be away at night,he had two single beds,both very comfy.He would rather have slept for free in a layby and risk the load being targetted, than pay to use a lorry park.He once had diesel stolen from his tank in the night, whilst asleep in the cab.Drivers who have no load on, leave their back doors open at night so thieves are aware they have nothing worth taking.) Icanhandthemback,he has not been violent .I hope that won't happen.

So sorry for your predicament teddy
I think everyone has given you wonderful advice, but while you’re waiting to make up your mind, please don’t let your husband dictate what you can do, even if he is being irrational.
If he physically threatens you for using the washing machine, just remind him that the police are only a phone call away!
I do hope things improve for you soon! x

No words is wisdom from me Teddy111, just a big hug and prayers that things get better for you very soon.

Sounds like you are the nearest kicking post. Kick back !!

Teddy thinking of you. Look out for yourself and if possible treat yourself a bit. Please let us all know how the appointment goes on the 8th. Big hug.

I don’t understand why some posters are so aggressive towards your husband until you know if he has a terminal condition
If after 8th he comes out with a reasonably clean bill of health I ll join them in telling you to stand up to him (although it does sound as if most of his behaviour has always been there, well the mean streak anyway) but do give him a few days to see if he has terminal cancer before you kick his butt as has been advised by a few posters

Years ago I was chatting to a lady whose husband had become diabetic in his older years and she said he had greatly affected his personality..I don't know whether she was right as her husband had diabetes and she had linked the two.

You obviously need to wait until the hospital appointment to find out if your husband does have something serious which could have a poor prognosis. If he doesn't then you can think of your options.
You say you always paid the bills and am now retired on a small pension. It sounds as if he was happy for you to keep him and now is unhappy at having to pay his share of the bills. In addition to his ranting and lack of cleanliness, do you want to grow old with him?

To every one who has taken the time to write,Thank you all so much.It does make me grateful ,to people being so kind.I think when we see consultant,on the 8 th Jan he will repeat some tests and probably ask for lung biopsy.I will certainly let you know the outcome,Kind regards,Teddy

Best wishes, teddy. Hope everything is ok with your husband, even if he is a miserable old sod!

How dreadful, Teddy! (((Hugs))) Hope everything is clearer after the 8th.

Heartfelt sympathy Teddy. I know what it is like to be on the receiving end of vitriolic comments, though not the unreasonable suggestions re economy.It sounds as though he is ill

I think the important thing here is this - is this awful behaviour new? Was he previously a kind thoughtful loving husband?
Somehow reading between the lines of your post Teddy I get the feeling he may always have been somewhat of a difficult controlling man.
Your comment about him hating your son is very telling isn't it? Yes I am sure he hates the fact that he is an alcoholic, but to hate HIM is so harsh.

In the meantime ill or not his behaviour is totally unacceptable, so don't put up with any 'washing machine on only once a week' nonsense

Well Jennifer, even leaving aside the "unacceptable" there is "impractical" and "impossible". I mean, the washing machine frequency is dictated by the clothes pile size not an arbitrary choice.

Lol imagining Teddy is sitting there feeling bored and thinking "Oh I do love the sound of that washing machine I think I'll put it through another unnecessary empty cycle again this afternoon" :D

Well that's what her husband must imagine mustn't he?!!

Also words fail me regarding him thinking it's acceptable to bath or shower only once a week, let alone the plan to extend it to three.
There is absolutely no way I would share a bed (or even a house come to that) with a man who was that unhygienic.

Teddy111, it is really good to hear he isn't a violent man because so many "controlling" people are like that when thwarted. It really sounds like he has a streak of hardcore thriftiness running through him which is making things more unpleasant with age and illness. I should be inclined to bide my time until his hospital appointment and watch him carefully for behaviour which seems out of character.

Steer him to the nearest bag wash to do his washing then . How rude is he. You shouldn't have to put up with that. Take care

Any news TeddyIII?

Hello,Thank you for remembering.We went to see consultant.He showed us the tumour on screen.He said they would have a meeting and decide what was to be done.They phoned last Friday and told him to go to O.P dept yesterday.They said they could not do biopsy as the heart meds,meant that he could bleed.Instead he has to have a camera into his lung,this coming Thursday at 3.00pm.I will post as soon as they have found out what it is.He changes between saying that there is nothing wrong and then, he has known for a long time,that something was wrong.I do feel so very sad for him, as he has tried so hard to get fit after his heart attacks.

I hope it goes ok for him, teddy. Bless him!

My father had a heart attack and my mom said he was never the same man personality wise. You can lose oxygen to the brain during a heart attack. There was a term cardiac syndrome I believe she said is what the doctor called the after effects. I feel for you it’s not a easy place to be.