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How late is too late to start a family?

(56 Posts)
Silverlining47 Sat 06-Jan-18 20:29:30

I am so sad and anxious about my daughter. She is nearly 41 and like so many of her generation has put career first and , whilst always wanting to have a family, believed she could leave it until she was 40 years old. Two years ago she met and fell in love with a wonderful and loving man, already a father of 2 and divorced. He is devoted to his daughters and she has fully shared in that side of his life believing that they would have children together and create an extended family. He has now said he doesn't want to have another child at nearly 50 and she is absolutely devastated. I can understand both sides. They are both heart broken at the thought of separating but can't see a way forward together now. She is seeing a counsellor but has lost so much weight and cries so much which is so unlike how she used to be.
I know that things can change suddenly and unexpectedly but I worry now whenever I haven't heard from her for a few days (I live a long way away) and try to keep in touch lightly and not anxiously as I don't want her to feel pressure from me to keep in touch all the time. We are very close and she confides in me about everything and I have learnt to listen and be non judgemental.
Of course, many women struggle with not having children or not being able to get pregnant. I think she is struggling with a deep sense of rejection and hurt and I really don't know what to say to comfort her other than we love her very much and are always here for her.

annsixty Fri 01-Jun-18 09:50:28

It is reported today that a film actress, I think she is called Birgitta Neilson is expecting her 5th child at the age of 54.
She has adult children, I expect she will have all the paid help she needs/wants, good luck to her, teens on her 70's?,no thank you.

Maggiemaybe Fri 01-Jun-18 10:05:00

I know this is an old (ish) thread, Silverlining, and I don't think there's any advice I can give that hasn't already been given. But I've just seen this for the first time and wanted to add my support and sympathy for you/your DD's situation. I'm hoping that something might have been resolved one way or another since you first posted and that your DD is feeling better. flowers

Dontaskme Fri 01-Jun-18 11:31:50

Its not nice for a variety of reasons to be the child of older parents. Mine were 41 and 49 when I was born so I know from the other side of the fence.
It is selfish. I know celebs do it when they are positively ancient, but its not right. Just because it can happen by hook or by crook doesn't make it right for the child and its the child that needs to be considered.
My DF died when I was 20. My DM died when I was 33.

paddyann Fri 01-Jun-18 12:28:45

People die at all ages ,you cant live your life thinking I wont do that because I might die.I know quite a few folk who had what were called "late" babies,my GM was 43 when her youngest was born ,my friends mother was 51 .Babies that were loved and treasured .Both these ladies lived until their late 80's On the other hand my dads mum had him when she was in her late 20's and she died age 42 when he was 12 .If you're fit and able to have a child no one should say what age is right ..for you .

sodapop Fri 01-Jun-18 12:45:41

I agree Don'taskme My parents adopted me as a six week old baby when they were both 50. They were caring and loved me without doubt but my life was very different from that of my peers. I appreciate that this was many years ago but the same principles apply. My father died when I was 16 and my mother when I was in my twenties. I think there should be an age limit for IVF etc. Women have a menopause for good reason.