Slight PIL problem

I have to admit, I'd invite them to visit once - for the day only! Apart from anything else, it wouldn't be fair on your sisters, since they've agreed to go with what you want. There will be plenty of time for your ILs to spend more time with GC later.

I'd say about an hour 2-3 times a week? It depends on your labour and how you feel afterwards tbh.

Get your husband to tell them the plan before they come down so they know the drill.

I'd let them visit but tell them in advance to come prepared to help ,if they're around they might as well be useful.I had a revolving door when mine were babies and I was happy to see folk except my sister who used to deliberately bang against the cot or pram to wake baby so she had an excuse for a cuddle.I dont altogether understand why todays parents want "time to bond2 they have the rest of their lives to bond ..GP's might not be around for that much longer.I'd want my kids to know them and spend time with them

I'd say about an hour 2-3 times a week?
Hmm, not so sure. The OP has said that her MIL "can be overbearing and passive aggressive if she doesn't get her own way". Giving them a one hour time slot may be difficult to enforce - what would they do when the time is up? Tell their PIL that they have to leave now? I think that's a recipe for disaster to be honest. Much better to tell them firmly that they can come for the day just once, and that later, after the baby's father has finished his paternity leave, they are welcome to visit again. Yes, I know they live further away, but this is about the parents' wishes, not the grandparents.

Oh, not again.

You sound very reasonable babybawn and that's nice to hear.

I have to say I agree with Paddyann about this whole
( and I think its quite new) thing about needing time alone although I take your point that it would be nice to have company after your DH has gone back to work .

Having said all that , and I'm not advocating a free for all because you don't need to be exhausted by visitors, your PiL do live in another country so after the 2 weeks is up they will be gone. Maybe they feel this and want to stock up on memories ?

As they're staying somewhere else could you not suggest
( and by that I mean tell them quite clearly) visiting hours are between ... say 2-4pm . They'll be waiting on themselves if they come and visits outside this time are just not acceptable.

If they can't fit into your schedule then tell them as nicely as possible , if your parents can wait then so can they. No need for arguments, not up for discussion.

As a grandparent though I can tell you from the bottom of my heart that every hour waiting to see the new arrival is purgatory and I was lucky enough to be invited for my first cuddle the day they each arrived. We made our visits short and sweet, and whilst I got baby time, Grampy did a chore that was waiting so we earned our time, weren't a burden and didn't outstay our welcome.

Maybe now its the time to have that totally frank, polite discussion with your PiL?

Good luck !!

I would say half a day visit at most- mum will be tired and baby will probably be sleeping all the time anyway, so once they've had a peep, and maybe a cuddle after one feed, that would be enough. Maybe invite them to pop round for afternoon tea and cake, then you don't have to think about cooking them a meal ( unless they offer to cook for you). See how that goes before giving them another time to visit.

That's a long time though the whole day? I used to leak through my top and had stitches 'down there', I couldn't handle being around my MIL like that. I'd nap too.

Second time was slightly better but first time round was not pretty.

Midwives actually recommend that that you just 'sat and bond with your baby'. Which is why new parents are doing it.

Theres HV that come round the day you get home, and a few days after. Heal prick tests, baby weighing and hearing tests. There's alot of visitors. Don't exhaust yourself.

Cherish every visit. You don't know how much time your parents or IL have got. I think if they have travelled some distance one visit over 2 weeks is mean. I know it's not what you'd hoped for but perhaps they want to see their son too. Couldn't you let him have them over for an hour or two with the baby while you get some well deserved rest.

The thing is that she stresses me out when she visits and I don't want baby to pick up on that stress so think maybe two afternoon visits to start is good. I can nap and they can chill and cuddle the baby. Taking time out to bond with your baby is an excellent idea if conditions allow, which for us it does as we don't have family near to us - its good for mum and good for baby. and I don;t think its unreasonable to wait to see a child two weeks, think its ideal as it keeps mum company while hubby goes back to work

They are rude to ignore your wishes so I wouldn't bend over backwards for them. Your DH can tell them you need lots of rest and they could visit a couple of times for an hour or two. If they wanted longer for their memories they should have listened to you. I don't think it is good to reward their selfishness.

You need to do what you feel you should. Please protect your health, both physical and emotional. You're the mum and that is what matters when you're pregnant. If your m i l gets upset it will work out.

Well, baby could be late as first babies often are, so they may not be there for much of the time after the birth anyway.

Stay calm, and remember, they don't just live up the road they have to book flights and organise things in advance then will be going home again. So you won't have them there for very long anyway.

Stay calm, as you say, go off for a nap if you start to feel stressed and remember that they will be going home again.

I said all that twice, should have read my post first.

Why are you asking this Babybawn you have already decided two afternoons is the right amount so go with your gut feeling you know the woman we don’t
Good luck with the baby and your two families

I'm so glad I had my babies in the 1970s and didn't know about micro-managing visitors! People came to visit, sussed when I was tired, and left, or someone close to me gently steered them out the door. And I had loads of visitors, as you do. It's an exciting time.

In days gone by, most of us had a week in hospital with our first babies. There were strict visiting hours during that stay, usually an hour for fathers and another hour when two other visitors could join him.
Maybe you could suggest visits on those lines.

Obviously leaving out the fathers hour!

You cannot tell one lot of GPs that they can come and the other lot that they can't.

I agree with Grannyknot - all this stuff about bonding and wanting it to be just parents and new babe for the first two weeks - what is that all about? I was glad for anyone who came and showed they cared; and rolled up their sleeves on my behalf. Babies become part of a wider family, and have lots of people who love them, all of which is a huge asset for them.

I honestly think that is it were just the two of you for two weeks, you would get slightly stir crazy and very tired indeed.

Just tell folk that if they visit you would be grateful if you would make it fairly brief.

All this micro-management of the whole thing comes across as crazy to me - I was just glad to have a healthy baby, to be alive, and to know that folk cared.

Loosen up, stop planning and go with the flow!!

Is it selfish to want to protect your time after you have a new baby? And, it is not selfish to insist that you be allowed to visit more than you are wanted, just because you wish?Interesting perspective.

J52 you are right mothers weren't expected to be entertaining within days. Even with my second which was a home birth the midwife left strict instructions about visitors and how long they could stay. She said any problems refer them to me.

Luckygirl the OP hasn't said anything different to her family, the only difference is her family have listened.

Planning to visit 3 days before a first baby is due is madness, my first was ten days late so if my ILs had arranged a 2 week visit starting 3 days before the due date they would have been going home before they could visit as visiting time was over when he arrived and they would probably have gone before visiting time the next day.

I think it's hard to predict how the new parents will feel. I know of someone who banned family from visiting for the first six weeks of their baby's life.

The day the baby was born, the new dad excitedly phoned his parents to tell them the good news. And the next words out of his mouth? 'Oh, mum, dad, I wish you could see her, she's so beautiful!'

Sadly, because they lived on separate continents and had work commitments, the new GP's weren't able to take an unplanned holiday so didn't see the baby for weeks.

I totally agree with Luckygirl you can’t be telling one lot no and the other yes be glad you ve got people wanting to visit

It never entered my head to restrict visitors, not that I had that many but I was out the hospital with my third one in 48 hours and was getting on with things looking after the rest of the family by the next day I still bonded with my new baby People can be very precious nowadays it’s all really pie in the sky anyway as ‘they’ are arriving three days after your due date so chances are first child may be late and they miss it altogether just go with the flow it doesn’t sound as if either families are on your doorstep so you ll have plenty of him, me and baby time Enjoy what happens you might be stitched up and sore with aching boobs and not caring who comes along ......good luck

I don't think it is selfish to want some time for yourself after having a first baby. Especially these days of very short hospital stays many new mothers come home before they have even found their feet with basic babycare.

In previous generations many families lived closer so a quick pop-in could be possible - when people are making an international trip there are often expectations that they can camp out at the house all day and that the new parents will be running around making meals and cups of tea for the visitors.

I had an awful time when MIL and DH's aunt decided to visit for 4 days after DD2 was born - it was like a Royal visit! It had been a very high risk pregnancy culminating in 2 months in a wheelchair and pre-eclampsia. Having visitors that required waiting on and demanding meals and snacks be served to them was not helpful. They threw tantrums (actual crying) when the baby and I went to lie down as we should be entertaining them. The result was that I was so exhausted and stressed that the baby lost a lot of weight and was dashed off for cancer tests.