Gransnet forums


Daughter's father died when she was 10

(43 Posts)
Retr0gran Tue 10-Jul-18 21:25:26

I've had a difficult relationship with my daughter as a teenager, now she resents my visits. I have arthritis, helped buy their house, was suggested a room downstairs might be mine when needed, now its her office. Her stairs are too much for me. Also am denied visiting for birthdays as I 'get in the way'. I live in N Ireland, she's in London. I feel discarded like old rubbish.

Eglantine21 Tue 10-Jul-18 21:32:19

Are you going to take part in this one Retr0gran or just set the hare running and then disappear like your mealtime thread?

Not much point if you’re not going to join in is there?

paddyann Tue 10-Jul-18 22:12:31

guilty ,we also offered a downstairs room to MIL an dthen converted it to an office.Things change .As it happens my MIL doesn't mind sleeping upstairs when she has visited ,usually a week every two months or so.She says she's happier being upstairs with us and the GC .She's 83 and has some mobility issues but climbing stairs seems to help strengthen her leg muscles ..or so she says .

crazyH Tue 10-Jul-18 23:29:50

Eglantine21..... does Retrogran have a history? Just nosey

muffinthemoo Wed 11-Jul-18 00:22:04

crazyH retr0 was the OP of the "slow eating grandchildren" thread if you remember that from... last week I think?

muffinthemoo Wed 11-Jul-18 00:24:15

Found it, thought it was deleted for some reason

crazyH Wed 11-Jul-18 01:29:58

Thanks muffinthemoo😂

Oopsadaisy53 Wed 11-Jul-18 05:20:51

I commented on a Retrogran thread, got a slapped wrist and my post was deleted, so I’m not going to say it again.

Then the whole thread was deleted.

But maybe it was put back on again?

Anyway, I’m not going to say the same thing again, because I am a changed person.......😉

OldMeg Wed 11-Jul-18 05:23:22


Oopsadaisy53 Wed 11-Jul-18 05:28:58

Sorry Retrogran, but a few weeks back your post mentioned your 11 yr old daughter and your DH, is this the same daughter now grown up?
If so maybe the problems go way back.......

OldMeg Wed 11-Jul-18 05:31:54

They grow up so fast these days.

Oopsadaisy53 Wed 11-Jul-18 05:33:46

I’m getting too old and cynical for this forum

OldMeg Wed 11-Jul-18 05:39:51

It’s silly season Oops - post GCSE and A levels!

seacliff Wed 11-Jul-18 05:41:25


Blencathra Wed 11-Jul-18 06:38:06

Looking at the other thread maybe that is the reason there are problems. There will be difficulties if you visit and criticise grandchildren.

agnurse Wed 11-Jul-18 07:14:57

Your daughter is not obligated to take you into her home to live. While it may be lovely, it may not be realistic:

-If you can't navigate her stairs her home may not be designed to allow that
-If you develop dementia she may have difficulty caring for you
-If your physical needs require her to lift or transfer you she may not be able to do that

While it's commendable that some adult children choose to care for their parents at home, it's not a reality for everyone. Some people genuinely are better off in a care facility if their physical and/or mental needs make it too challenging for them to be cared for at home. (For example, there are major safety concerns for people with dementia vis a vis wandering; if you require a mechanical lift for transferring that's a two-person job, so your daughter would need help.)

Elegran Wed 11-Jul-18 14:24:53

As well as the thread on speeding up her 3 grandchildren's slow eating, retrogran has also posted about her grandaughter being told that her mother wasn't going to pull in for her having a pee, she could wait until they got home in an hour.

MissAdventure Wed 11-Jul-18 14:29:56

Ah, the ubiquitous weewee post rears its ugly head..

crazyH Wed 11-Jul-18 17:08:05

Awwww....poor little thing...I hope she did a weewee on the car seat....on second thoughts, I hope she didn't. Can you imagine what would have happened if she did 😫

Retr0gran Mon 16-Jul-18 22:23:35

Sorry, unexpected visitor, followed by a holiday, back home now!

Retr0gran Mon 16-Jul-18 22:31:48

Crazyann, what history do you want? I'm just new to this site. Was there a place to add a history?

MawBroon Mon 16-Jul-18 22:33:48

Don’t quite understand the relevance of the thread title or what it has to do with anything.

Retr0gran Mon 16-Jul-18 22:38:03

Oopsadaisy53, yes, same person, and I do wonder if there is a connection. I had no backup support when bringing up 3 kids on my own, she obv worshipped her Dad and there was no counselling for bereaved children then.

Retr0gran Mon 16-Jul-18 22:40:39

Mawbroon, I think there .might be a connection. She adored her dad, he died v suddenly, maybe I didn't manage her well, but she seems to hate me now.

Retr0gran Mon 16-Jul-18 22:41:41

Blencathra, I have never criticised the GC!