Friends

I have a 'friendship' problem as well.... a needy, attention seeking friend who I've decided to cut off from my life....she's toxic, complains about everyone and everything..... very 'tight', mean.....I've had enough.
As regards to your friend, I'm surprised she's still friends with this person who has been spreading lies about you. Is there no such thing as loyalty?

Talk to your friend EllieAnne see what she says about this other person and the lies.
People are friendly for all sorts of reasons and you can't restrict others because you have a problem. Don't let this upset you or lose a friend before you know the full story.

Soda pop she says she feels sorry for this person. A lot of people don’t like her. Says that she will not spoil our friendship. But I feel she already has. My friend has big family problems, son and grandson in prison, other son and daughter drug addicts, and I’ve stuck up for her and stuck by her through it all. I think that’s why I’m so hurt now.

Its sad but sometimes in life human beings let us down and don't behave the way we expect them to or the way they should. We just have to learn to cope with it and not let it hurt us too much. Not everyone will do this. There will be people who will treat you nicely too.

Friends aren't exclusive, maybe this woman meets a need in your friend that you don't. If your friend is listening to what she knows to be lies about you and says nothing she's not much of a friend IMO.

Ellie Anne you say that this has been going on for some years so you will know that it is not going to change now and unless you decide to withdraw then the hurt you feel will continue. The people who have needed you the most for the reasons you describe are often the ones who will not want to remain close to you and they will make other friends. Perhaps you know too much and remind her of all of that by just being who you are and now she has possibly found someone that she feels she can relate to and maybe even be there for. The saying "there's nowt so queer as folk" has more than a grain of truth.

I d look for other friends, if these two have been friends for a few years without you being included it isn’t going to change is it ? at first when I read your post I thought it was something new but if it’s been happening for years I don’t really understand what you think should happen
You have two choices carry on in the background looking at their pics on fb and hurting yourself or open yourself to moving on, remove yourself from their fb and start doing things with others
This is only hurting you and has run it’s time just like a marriage that’s gone toxic, move on

I know this sounds a bit harsh but honestly, how old are you? This sounds like something a teenager might stress about. You have a lifetime of experience to draw upon surely?

Look at the situation, see what you want from it and sort it out.

It is hurtful when others seem to let you down, your friend obviously feels the other person needs her support. Try not to keep stressing about this and keep away from the dreaded FB.
Enjoy time with other friends and don't depend on this one too much.

I have to agree with oldmeg . This sounds like something my 13 year old GD would complain about - my friend is friends with this awful girl who tells lies about me - it's school girl stuff.

You are a grown woman - find some other friends , don't fret about these two silly women.

If you have other friends too build up those friendships, keep seeing your old friend and stop focussing on the person you are not keen on or it will spoil the friendship.
I have different friends who enjoy doing different things. My local group of friends sometimes spend time all together sometimes in pairs or in smaller groups . It is not a problem. Enjoy the time together.. that is what friends are for.

sad but might be time to say goodbye to this friendship

If she is a true friend she will take what this other person says with a pinch of salt. She's known you a long time and a bit of tittle tattle won't change her perception

Friend is a very precious word to me and open to various interpretations. I only have two real friends of longstanding. I have many acquaintances of varying degrees of closeness but the situation you describe does not even come close to that of real buddies. I hope you manage to spread your wings in the field of human relationships. Can be wonderful, warm and life enriching.

I often think Facebook just shows what people want to be seen of them and has little relevance to their real lives. Possibly both these women need to show the world that they’re doing well, having a good time. Ignore Facebook.
For yourself, try to look elsewhere for company and friendship. Of course you are hurt, this is not unreasonable but don’t let it take you over. There’s a whole world out there and people who’ll treat you better than those two women.

Be civil with your long term friend, but stop torturing yourself with FB and this other woman. Don't look at the photos. Our imagination can be incredibly powerful and you may be "seeing" things that aren't really there every time you look at the pictures and thus torturing yourself with what you think is happening, when in fact it might not be! As PECS suggests, build up your other friendships, keep seeing you old friend, but don't focus on the person you dislike. If you do, then in a way, she's gaining the upper hand, isn't she?

Sometimes friendships come to an end when it starts to cause more sorrow than joy it’s just not worth keeping trying

I would withdraw from this “friendship”as it seems to be making you unhappy! and you have told your friend why you feel hurt by her actions, yet she has not stopped.
It seems as if this is something you cannot live with, so don’t! A friendship is meant to be an enhancement in the lives of both parties, but this is clearly not the case for you. My advice is to spend time with other people and friends and stop looking at her face book notifications. There is a way in settings of altering whoes news feed pops up in yours and I suggest you make sure hers doesn’t come up for you.

I think your friend must be very low as she has so many awful problems.
Some toxic people spot this and almost groom people to be dependent upon them.
They offer sympathy and make them selves almost indispensable to lure their victim.
They then start the smear campaign to alienate their victim from their friends and family.
I have had first hand experience of this.
My advice would be to wait until it implodes and it will! Then be there for your friend.
So sorry you are having to endure this.

Cut them out of your life and find other friends. I did this years ago after 20yrs of friendship with an old school friend as she was hello bent on causing trouble and using me as a taxi and free meal ticket. 10 years on she tried to reconnect but she's still the same so no thanks. There are other nicer people out there who won't give you this stress.

You can unfollow someone on fb, without unfriending them. That way you don’t see pics of their ‘wonderful’ lives.

Ellie Anne. This is a little girl bitchy,telling tales, in the school playground person you are up against. I would not go on face book if paid to. What you do is your business and no one else's. The least a person knows about you the better.
Seek legal advice if necessary, Seems to me this 'muck' spreader needs a wakeup call. Best of luck.

How do you know that this person is telling lies about you? It strikes me, that if your friend comes back to tell you, she isn't much of a friend. It takes 2 people to hurt someone when hurtful things are said, the person who said them and the person who repeats them. I think BlueBelle, as ever, talks sense. Sometimes it is hard to walk away from a relationship that is hurting you but more often than not, once you've moved on you realise that you really are better off. It doesn't need to be a massive row, just a stepping back and living your life without this pair.

If you can, try and turn your feelings about the toxic lady around. She is obviously incredibly needy and is using lies to ensure your friend sticks with her rather than you. You say that your friend has had some terrible problems that you've helped her through, perhaps she feels that this other toxic friend needs her? It can be a powerful thing, feeling needed, and perhaps it's making her feel better about her own situation?

As someone else has said, when you see your friend don't mention the toxic lady as you may end up pushing her away, unwittingly. Keep your head. Ignore the lies she's spreading, especially as your friend is aware they are just that. The toxic lady is obviously providing something your friend values, for whatever reason, as each and every friend anyone has fulfils some private reason as to why we like them, even if it's a subconscious reason.

Keep your chin held high, try not to feel hurt (for the reasons above), stand above the lies, and treat your friend the same way you always have.

Oh, and regarding the FB posts, you have two choices: 1) don't read them - all these fantastic times plastered on there are generally made by people who need constant validation. Don't give it to them; or 2) 'like' every single thing that goes on there. Validate the hell out of them. It may shut the toxic person up!