Living with someone with strongly opposing political views

Don't discuss politics - we never do, as I suspect I might not like what I hear. What I don't hear I need not get upset about.

It is not a cop out - it is simply common sense.

I don’t think I could live with someone with strongly opposing political views. It’s pretty basic, and I cannot imagine not discussing politics with people close to me. Same goes for religion.

I read left and right wing and fairly neutral reports and I am not going to get too het up about opposing views. Life is far too short.

I agree the EU referendum has divided opinion but you either take it to heart and follow every move, forward step, backwards step, predicament, success story, etc, etc faithfully (so much so that it colours your life and puts you at odds with others) or you decided to stand aside, let events take their course (we cannot influence them no matter how much we write to Guardian columns, or Gransnet ones) and lead a more peaceful life.

Remind yourself the reason you're with him is because you love him.

Hugely important political events have come and gone, always have and there have been many in my lifetime, but life for us ordinary mortals tends to go on, unaffected to any great extent. You can make it an issue but personally I'd save your emotions for people and more important things.

And remember that every time you argue with him about it you push him into a further extreme position. Let it lie.

"It’s getting to the stage where I think it’s best to remain quiet and not talk politics at all but that’s a cop out, isn’t it? I worry that I am starting to dislike him and that Brexit could kill our relationship. "

I think we've done to death all the "Brexit is killing our relationship" headlines too over the last two years. They are fairly old hat.

Do you have a political pot to stir I wonder?

He is an intelligent and well-educated man

Really? A Leaver? Are you joking? OMG! Many Gransnet Remainers won't believe you!!! shock Horror

I don't know anyone whose fallen out with partner or family over the EU referendum but I do know families who've been split by the Scottish Independence referendum and also, in America, the Democrat/Republican divide.

I don't know what I'd do if I had to live with it all the time, tbh. Does he have other redeeming features?

*who's not whose.

My parents were always on opposite sides of the fence politically ...well for a very long time .Mum was raised in a Labour /catholic household.Believe me the two go together in the West of Scotland .Dad was raised by Orange Order /Conservatives and although he ditched the OO at the start of their marriage it took a couple of decades for him to cross the tracks to a different political stance.
He did it though and when I was 13 and constantly talking about Independence and Winnie Ewing he decided to join me as a member of the SNP.
They never fought about politics or religion but as a family we had some very lively discussions,especially if granny was there as she was a massive Labour supporter ..IF you love him surely you can see he is entitled to his own views no matter how different they are to yours .Try listening to him...not so you'll jump ship and join the leavers but just to see it from his perspective .

I suppose it depends how much you want a partner who you can discuss politics with and how important Brexit is to you.

Can you discuss politics apart from Brexit without him becoming defensive?

It is just your views on Brexit that he is dismissive of, or is it your politics in general?

I think that if your views are being ridiculed, because you do not agree with his views, then that is a bit of a red flag.

It could start with you not discussing Brexit, then not discussing any politics, then what? What else would you feel you had to keep quiet about because it might upset him?

I know that a lot of people are quite happy not to discuss politics, and that is fine for them, but is it fine for you?

Can you not still talk politics?
Its not inevitable that you'll fall out, is it?

My DH and I held different views on many things (including politics) but we never let it interfere with our relationship.

If I were you I would be examining all aspects of the relationship and not blaming problems on one thing.

I was romantically involved with a libertarian once as a student.

However since we were teenagers, it was fairly easy to find alternative activities than discussing politics.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Can it be with every hiccup in the negotiations he feels a plonker because he voted for what was to become a cock up but can’t admit it?

"With each hiccup in the Brexit process he defends his position in an increasingly indignant and aggressive manner."

I take it this means he holds forth in response to the latest headlines, but won't tolerate you giving your views.

Can you discuss his behaviour calmly, and separately from the actual politics?
Explain that it's upsetting for you to be ridiculed, and ask him to be willing to discuss things sensibly or not to talk about politics at all.

If you have a good relationship,why can’t you agree to disagree & just don’t talk about it.
However well couples get on, there are bound to be differences, the worst ones I think are those that involve child rearing differences or drink/ drug issues .
No one knows for sure how Brexit will pan out, it’s just another twist & turn of future history, not worth ruining the present for.

I do know a couple who split up over Brexit, not married but in a long term relationship. I think it was the last straw for her as there were other issues in the relationship.

And to him I suspect YOUR views are sounding like the worst headlines from a doom and gloom Left publications like the Guardian.

Surely there must be more to the marriage than political discourse, MeltingMacron? You must have built up other interests, both joint and separate, that give you a reason for being together? But if political ideology was/is the mainstay of your relationship, it sounds as though you've both made a mistake perhaps.

In the very brief time I explored internet dating I never contacted anyone who declared his politics to be right-wing or a card-carrying tory!
Sooner or later it would have become an issue so, rather than become involved and bite my tongue forever, I chose to avoid any potential problems!

I don't see Brexit itself as the problem here, more that he ridicules the op's views because they are not the same as his own.
It is one thing having your views ridiculed on an internet forum, but not in your own home by your partner.

I have dated people with opposing views, but I couldn't have lived with or married them. But that is because it matters to me. If someone is not particularly interested in politics, then it wouldn't matter if it was not discussed at home.

I voted leave and Mr. S. voted remain. We celebrate our 38th wedding anniversary next month and last year's GE was the first time we both voted for the same party.

Our political views differ as do our views for eg, on Palestine and Israel. We have some very heated discussions from time to time but never fall out.

Anniebach "with every hiccup in the negotiations" Mr. S. becomes increasingly frustrated with and hostile toward the EU, to the extent that if there were to be a second referendum he'd vote leave.

Smileless2012 Maybe you should point out to him that its not the EU that have messed up...its our useless government .

Nobody has ‘messed up’ ( as yet) it was always going to be a long drawn out negotiation, as anything with the EU invariably is.