Living with someone with strongly opposing political views

Well said Smileless because it wouldn’t say much about loving a person if love vanished over politics.

It's impossible to negotiate when the other party chooses not too paddyann. The EU's idea of negotiation appears to be saying 'no' to every suggestion that our government has put forward.

Even the most bitter of divorces inevitably result in some
kind of agreement but that doesn't appear to be the case with the EU. Now that is something that Mr. S. and I do agree on.

I would find the dismissal of my opinions hard to deal with, irrespective of whether we read the same newspaper or voted the same way. Healthy debate is one thing, polite avoidance is another ( and I have groups of friends within both categories) but I would never dismiss their opinions and would not expect them to do the same to me. To disagree is one thing, but to ridicule is beyond acceptable, is rude and I for one would find it hard to live with. What next? It is either the behaviour of a panicking Brexit supporter or of a bully and only you can know whether you can live with him.

I met my present partner in 2005 when we were both in our 50s. We met up the first time for Sunday lunch and talked for 5 hours! As we were each going home and making arrangements for meeting up again he made a remark about wanting to live long enough to p*ss on Maggie's grave. I said I would see him again but never agree with that view and we have lived together happily at opposite ends of the political spectrum for 13 years. We argue sometimes about politics but in a good-natured way.

He voted leave, I remain (reluctantly) but the discussions never got heated. In fact if there was a 2nd referendum I would vote leave, I'm so fed up with the EU's present attitude.

It can be useful, if necessary in an election, we don't have to go out in the rain cos we cancel each other out.

You're right about that Lemongroveand for us it's a good job that love hasn't vanished over feminism, music, football (he loves it; I hate it) and the endless TV shows that I've loved over the years, all of which he's hated.

He leaves the room for an hour every Sunday while I watch
'The Handmaids Tale'.

Lemon
Canada deal not agreed yet after 10/11 years.
Japanese deal only took 5 years

In the US it's the Republican Right wing Trump supporters against the Democratic Liberals (many who supported Mrs. Clinton)....If it's Guardian vs Telegraph in the UK, it can be CNN vs. Fox News in the US, etc.

Unfortunately, Populism has also empowered many rude and uneducated people to remove their facade and release their inner 'Kraken'.

Divisions run long and deep. I've seen lifelong friends who no longer speak, an unprecedented number of 'unfriendings' on FB and entire families so immersed in vitriol that they surpass the proverbial Hatfields and McCoys!

Yet another example of how citizens can systematically be manipulated and divided against one another....and it seems to be happening in many places around the world. Can this be a mere coincidence or is it by design?

I was brought up by parents who had strongly differing political views. My DF was staunch Labour, trade unionist and we all heard much about the Labour movement, the politicians of the day etc.
DM used to just carry blithely on and say nothing much at all then vote Conservative.

I think that's why I rebelled and voted Liberal for years
and years.

I don't hear much about love or respect in the OP - and if you love someone you respect that they may have their own opinions even if you don't agree.

If you disagree so much then there is not much point in discussing the situation with your OH. If he goes 'on and on' and lectures you then just smile and say that you know what his views are, you've heard them and don't need to hear them again and again.
Just say 'Can we agree to differ?'

I think it was the last straw for her as there were other issues in the relationship.
There must have been other difficulties as no-one would split up a loving relationship over Brexit!

I agree with chewbacca, if this has such an impact on your relationship I would question how you feelings towards him.

"your feelings for him"

There is a really easy answer, stop reading the Guardian it is just as blatantly remain as the Telegraph is leave, politics should not rule you relationship. At the end do the day a deal will be made that neither of you will like, but life will go on, for better or worse.
I have noticed a definite hardening of leave supporters attitude, not just parliament but voters as well, " those beastly Europeans won't let us have our own way, let's throw our toys out of the pram", they are behaving just like children.
Give him a big kiss and say "what will be will be".

Gill posted

I would find the dismissal of my opinions hard to deal with, irrespective of whether we read the same newspaper or voted the same way

And I agree. It’s not the differences in your political stances - that could be dealt with within a good and equal relationship. I’d think long and hard about this relationship.

I think some people are thinking of their own long term marriages where such a thing would not break them up BUT the original post does sound as if it’s not a very long run relationship hence this huge difference of opinion has opened up a big old chasm
If you are both so passionate about your politics and so opposing then maybe this is telling you you are not right for each other There are a few things that you just can’t bridge the gap I couldn’t live with an ardent racist no matter how attracted I was to him I just couldn’t
Obviously the last two years (and we don’t know how long they had been together before the Brexit referendum) have shown the huge differences in their beliefs which may not be manageable
It’s a bit like a Teresa May and Jeremy Corbyn trying to conduct a loving relationship ????

It's all very well to say that political views shouldn't affect a relationship but I see it differently.
One reaches one's political stand through one's experiences - of upbringing, education, career, religion, perceptions of morality and principles etc.
Present-day opinions are shaped by experiences.

Deeply held convictions, formed over many years, can't simply be written off and ignored over a current issue.
My contention is that if basic principles acquired over a lifetime are so at odds with those of a (potential) partner then perhaps the relationship is simply not appropriate.
If you're 'swept off your feet ' things may well seem different but if you're planning a future together this is something that needs to be sorted out at the planning stage.

(On a different tack, how many non-smokers could contemplate a life with a chain-smoker?)

You would know that on a first date though mcem so it would never come to a relationship.
You would also know ( slightly later) how a person thought politically, although that rarely troubles a good loving relationship.
Which means that leaving the EU is the only contentious issue.There are posters on here who voted differently from
Their DH’s / partners but they manage to get along.

Interesting point about a chain smoker mcem. Mr. S. and I were both smokers when we met, not chain smokers I hasten to add, and he gave up 15 years ago.

I still smoke but not heavily and only in the kitchen next to an open window since we moved. Perhaps it's because he used to smoke but my smoking doesn't bother him; it was his choice to give up and mine not too.

If we're out and it's windy and I'm finding it difficult to light up, he'll light my cigarette for me; must be love.

Just as I 'd know about smoking from the outset, I 'd also know about political leanings!

Sorry it it offends smileless but yeeuukkk!

Interesting that OP hasn't been back to elaborate or respond to replies.

Your husband is very unigue Smileless I spent a lot of years working in Smoking Cessation (NHS) and can assure you most ex smokers really hate their partners smoking (even if they re too nice to tell them) and find the smell of their partner high on the list of dislikes Although it was your choice to stay a smoker don’t you ever realise that he may be too nice to tell you how yucky it is for him

It seems there are certain personality traits that stop some people just accepting others points of view, without turning it into a war. If I think something is pink and someone else disagrees and says it’s blue ... I’m able to just accept that and agree to differ. My ex however felt the need to ram his opinions down my throat and go on and on to prove he was right. One of the reasons he is an “ex” as it’s just draining being with people like that.

No Bluebell, we've been married far too long to not know how the other truly feels about anything. As for his list of dislikes, my 'smell' isn't one of them and I'm confident I would know if there was anything about me he found 'yucky'.

Not your intention I'm sure but I found your post rather offensive.

Some people are rather squeamish about cigarettes it seems.
I am a non smoker (and so is DH) but neither of us object if a visitor or friend wants to light up.
Many couples are able to continue a loving relationship with a partner who smokes ......hardly love otherwise is it?
It amazes me that posters couldn’t contemplate life with a partner who likes a ciggie or who votes different,y to thenselves! What do they want from love, a clone of themselves?

I don't think that it is a cop out to not discuss it. You are never going to either agree or really respect each others' points of view. What is discussing it going to achieve?
You do at least acknowledge that he is intelligent which is not that common amongst Remain supporters.
I have relatives who voted Remain and dislike the Tories, UKIP etc. but get the Sun delivered and their comments are often straight out of the Sun headlines. They think people on benefits have an easy life and get given everything while ignoring their own good fortune and will say really ignorant things about refugees (who cannot be genuine refugees if they can afford a smartphone apparently). They will not accept that the NHS is being sold off. I have tried to explain to them that private companies are allowed to use the NHS logo but they just switch off. It is very frustrating and I can understand how it must be to be living with someone who gets information from the right wing press.
To be fair though, none of the newspapers did their job. The Guardian just took the Remain side and promotes it relentlessly and others on the Leave side do the same. That has left people in the same state of ignorance that they were all in when it started. Some Remain voters still think that the Commission is like our civil service and some Leave voters still think that it is all about immigration. There were detailed factual articles giving either but they have to be sought out from other publications and not many people will do that.
People feel so strongly that both sides want to be heard but neither to hear. You just know that he is wrong and he just knows that you are wrong.
Let it go or let it come between you.