Living with someone with strongly opposing political views

Is it only your political views that your partner no longer is willing to respect?

If so, you need either just to stop discussing politics (which I would not be able to do, I may say) or tell him that you have a right to your opinions, as he has the right to his, but that you find his comments difficult to live with. Ask for a politer tone when politics are being discussed and no snide remarks about your views or the newspaper you choose to read.

Take a long hard look at the situation, because if heis suddenly incapable of respecting your political views, you need to ask yourself and him how your relationship is going to continue, and whether he respects your other views (and you his).

If the lack of respect is prevalent in other aspects of your relationship, I feel that now it the time for the pair of you to think very seriously about whether this is a bump in the road that you both can get over, or whether you are going down a dead end.

Sorry to be so pessimistic, but if you are going to break up over this, then it is probably better to do so sooner then later.

The woman in the couple I know who split up over Brexit said to him “ now I know you are a w*nker “ when he told her how he had voted. So it was the straw that broke the back of that relationship. He did try to make up, but she was adamant she couldn’t live with someone with his views. So for some people it is a definite deal breaker.

The woman in the couple I know who split up over Brexit said to him “ now I know you are a w*nker “ when he told her how he had voted.
She sounds as if she is highly articulate - perhaps she couldn't understand his reasoning.

Jalima

Sorry, no offence meant but..

Oh don’t ruin your relationship over Brexit! It will take so long to implement any change to us! Agree to have different opinions but not let them rule your lives!

jamila I think he did tell her his reasons - which led to her answer!

Unfortunately the "Yes, dear" and don't argue mindset contributed greatly to generations of downtrodden and even abused partners.
( Not aimed specifically at you * loopyloo!)
Not a situation that many of us would willingly tolerate now.

The arguments are never really about the politics, they are about the relationship. OP needs to think about what is underlying the contempt each of them is showing the other through the medium of 'Brexit'.

If you've started to dislike him - leave. The relationship you enjoyed is clearly a thing of the past - sad, but you may as well face it.

As an immigant Im not sure I'll live here long term. We may move to the continent but will hold out for now

I think the reasons an individual is keen on Brexit are very personal and broadreaching and I can understand couples disagreeing and it being an issue

Like you, Melting, I would find it very difficult to respect someone whose views are so aggressively aired and who feels my own views are worth nothing. It is about the power he is claiming over you, and whether you want to be part of that. It would be goodbye from me before it escalates into real hatred.

I don't care who thinks what, you are both entitled to your own views but I wouldn't be ridiculed in my own home. Tell him to push off and bully someone else.

‘He is an intelligent and well educated man’ who reads the telegraph. Just wondering if this means that you are not an intelligent and well educated woman.

No dont chat about politics etc,just go with the flow

It used to be a middle class rule never to discuss religion or politics at the table to avoid conflict and rudeness. The same thing can be adapted for the preservation of peace in a relationship if squabbling is the current mode of life.

Polemical views and extreme positions are rarely entirely right and are not worth ruining a good relationship. The truth in any given situation is often nuanced, fluid and dynamic. An issue like leaving the EU is so complex that to boil it down to either Brexit or Remain is fraught with difficulties and is bound to cause conflict if it becomes a faith based issue rather than an ongoing and rational matter.

My DH and I voted differently but have not rowed about it once though one of our children was so upset by the result and by my vote it took her days to realise she was going to lose her family unless she came off her high horse, stopped abusing us and acknowledged that people can believe and do different things without any harm at all.

It is a measure of how irrational things had become that my DD was angry at both of her parents when one of them actually voted the same way as she had. She was even more
angry, for a while, that we were urging her to calm down and be reasonable.

I sometimes think that politics today is about scapegoating for many people and it is handy to have someone to blame and abuse. That being the case, take politics off the agenda and find some topics which will cause peace and harmony.

I’m still reeling over the post from craftycat - you actually got the opportunity to vote twice. I really, really try not to sit in judgement of people ‘until you’ve walked a mile in their moccasins’ but in this case I find your husband’s attitude to such an important and far reaching issue as the EU referendum both appalling and totally irresponsible.

My husband and I don't agree on everything, politically speaking, but we do have broadly similar views on a lot of things. We voted differently in the EU referendum - he to leave and me to stay. We do argue about it sometimes but in many ways I see his point of view. However, his reasons were not those that are typically highlighted - immigration "taking back control", etc. etc.

I'm not sure I would have been attracted to someone whose views were diametrically opposed to my own beliefs - it would indicate a completely different approach to life and other people, and I think would be bound to cause friction at some point.

I could never just say ‘yes dear’ if my husband was talking utter crap (imo). Especially if it was about something I felt was important. I save ‘yes dear’ for him carrying on about work or traffic.

We’re both liberals. I’m probably slightly more socialist than him. One subject we completely disagree with each other about is nursing fees. Have had many a discussion about it over the years (in that case he’s maybe more socialist than me). Sometimes we get cross with each other, but it’s a minor topic and doesn’t indicate a fundamental difference in beliefs.

But I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone who had completely different values than me - and having different political stances can indicate different values.

The good friend who is an extreme brexiteer has been ravingly anti-Europe in the 30 years I’ve known him. We have always had jokey conversations about it and his objection to Europe is driven by right with Tory ideology. It’s a largely anti-big-State/economic approach which I don’t agree with, but doesn’t clash with my values. I don’t think I could have a relationship with him because the economic impact of Brexit is likely to be disastrous to my severely disabled son and I would get too frustrated with someone spouting about the marvellous opportunities constantly in my own home, but I have no problem with a funny chat over dinner or a sarcastic exchange on social media. And tbh a relationship could be possible in that sort of circumstance if it was agreed a topic to be avoided because it wouldn’t indicate different core values

I really would struggle with the ‘immigrants out’ brigade though. Or the ones who think it’s acceptable to see Northern Ireland burn. Or the ones who just don’t like ‘forriners’.

So for OP I think you need to decide whether you have s clash of values or clash of politics. Clash of politics is probably something that can be repaired, clash of values probably can’t.

"people can believe and do different things without any harm at all."

Sometimes harm can be caused by beliefs and voting.
If someone genuinely thinks that a wrong decision has been made, and that harm may come from it, they are not being unreasonable.

Even if the OP's DH does think that her view is wrong, tho, ridiculing her opinions is unlikely to persuade her.

NEZUM You explained it all so articulately. It's the values involved in the Brexit issue.

I only have one good friend who admits to having voted leave and I try not to fall out with her. She is not that interested in politics and but seems to have been influenced by people who she sees regularly who read the Daily Mail.

Her husband and ACs all voted Remain and have told her she has made a big mistake but none of us push her to admit it. If we are together and someone mentions brexit, her vote is like the elephant in the room.

We have friends who voted Leave and friends who voted Remain ( like most people) their votes are not ‘elephants in the room’ but simply * their* votes, to which they are entitled.
I would hate to have such peculiar friends that they are so incensed over the Brexit vote not going their way that they virtually make a leper of you.
I think the referendum brought out the worst in some Remainers.

Hopefully, come next March they will finally accept the inevitable when we leave the EU.

Susie Dent has a good word for leavers-

A reminder that a 'mumpsimus' (1500s) is someone who sticks obstinately to their beliefs, in spite of clear evidence that they are wrong.