Friends - or lack of.

I think of you lot as my good friends and long may it stay that way. I have a circle of acquaintances in real life but feel at home with Gransnetters.

Mercure, We also live in France and find the same experiences you are having. We are getting fed up of trying to please other people. There is also too much gossip among the expats.

It's very interesting and we aren't the only people who feel lonely. Modern life isolates us more I think.
I thought I'd made more friends recently but one doesn't always reply when I text her and has never texted me suggesting we meet and the other one is leaving the country soon.
Also because I child mind while my daughter is working erratic shifts, I have difficulty committing to things. I am always working round my daughter and my DH who is still working.
But I spend hours on my own.
I am very glad of the GN Meetup we have once a month.

Since i have retired I have found the opposite. I have a small group of close ex work colleagues and we meet up as a group regularly. Plus several other individuals who have also retired so I meet one or other of them occasionally for lunch or coffee. But i am lucky in that I worked in a place where big proportion of workers are women and quite a few have retired in recent years. It's lovely.

Ex-colleagues tend to be friendly with current colleagues as I expect we were.

In a working lifetime we move round geographically much more these days too, so I guess we have to be prepared to travel to meet up, maybe halfway?

I guess it's different for you Mercure living in France. Do you mainly meet expats? Are there groups there such as U3A where you can pursue interests together or individually? I'm sure it is more difficult making and maintaining friendships as we age, and does require a lot more effort.

We have a few different groups of pals that we have known for years. One group we see at least fortnightly..either as a whole gang or just who is available & we are close and loved friends. We go to the pics/ theatre/ exhibitions etc or just to a pub. Our ages range from 67 to 80.
Another group are old friends from DH school days.. I have been eith DH forever so known since teen years. We have an annual get togethers as we are now spread all over. Some of us can meet up in between where travel time is closer. When we meet the gap between last meet up melts away!
DH & I have our own friends too so meet them as and when for various events. We do fewer home entertaining evenings and more eating out..less hassle for any hosts!
Then of course valued " virtual" chums made on different social media .... and then u have to squeeze family in too!

We are all different... and I feel blessed that we have a great circle of friends that we have known for many years. We are, of course at the stage of life where some of us are not as fit and well as in previous years.

With so many GNs looking for people to meet for coffee or go to cinema with perhaps HQ could have a meet up section?

GNs could post the area they are in and how far they are able to travel and others could then PM them to arrange to meet.

I know there is the Local GN but in my area that has not proved to be a success.

We do have a Meet ups/Where Are You forum.

I think I'm a bit odd! I've never felt the need for friends, maybe because I have sisters who are my best friends. I do appreciate that some folks love having friends.

Sunseeker, I was going to suggest that but you got in first ! Maybe first, there could be a section or group where people could become 'Gransnet penpals' via email or through GN or even snail mail . People could be sorted into area groups, and then if you found you got on with someone, you could meet up etc.
How have other Gn'ers arranged meet ups with people ?
I know there are local sections, but maybe not near enough to everyone which is why the penpal bit might be a good idea in the first instance ?

While waiting to pay for fuel this week I spoke to an elderly lady who had just paid for several newspapers.
She thanked the assistant, and as she turned away, said cheerfully, "right, off to deliver them now".
Joking I said, "you have a paper round?"
"Oh yes, duck, and I'm 91".

I suppose she pops in to some of her neighbours and has a chat and cup of tea..... that is one way of having company, if not "friends".

Flowers to her.

Sunseeker and Rocketstop, as Mawbroon has said there is www.gransnet.com/forums/meet_ups_where_are_you for arranging to meet local gransnetters.....there are many regular meetups.

Gransnet Local pages closed in January but there are still local forum pages for every area in the UK. Find yours here www.gransnet.com/forums/local

I think it's something that happens as you get older. Friends die or move away to be near their families. We used to have regular dinner parties, but as spouses die there is always the "ghost at the feast" which I find upsetting. I think one of the answers is to volunteer for whatever you are able to do. You are then involved with other people, who perhaps develop into friends.

I think the key to making friends is being a good listener with the occasional compliment thrown in☺

I am having to make a bit of an effort to make new friends, and U3A is a real boon because it is full of like-minded people. But I’ve found it possible to get the warmth and love I would normally only get from family too. I am learning a foreign language through language exchange using Skype, and have been blown away by the devotion shown by these foreigners learning English who will move heaven and earth to keep their appointments with me. Over the last few years I’ve made some of my best friends ever.

I too thought it was just me who is a 'billy no mates'! I was divorced in my 40's after 20 yrs of marriage. After leaving work I find I can go quite a few days without speaking to anyone, even my children text nowadays. I did have a long time friend but I found she was making me depressed as all she ever talked about was how bad her life was and how hard done by she was. I don't need that so a couple of years ago I stopped responding to her.
My sister and I were very very close, we did lots together but unfortunately she died last year, now I realise I have no-one to talk to about childhood days or things we later did together, she was always the one that would remember names etc, I'm hopeless at that.

When My husband died I think all my friends did too. I think I must not be very likeable without him.

Mercure and frenchie3 I could have ave written your posts but just in a different country. I tend to be more gregarious than my husband who tends to be happy with just the two of us. We do have good friends (married couple) we usually meet up for lunch or dinner once a week. But we have only known them for about 9 months. Another couple are now looking after a greatgrandchild so the wife and I don't get out like we used to. As for expats best to keep away from that subject as some seem to behave as though they are still in school. With the family it's out of sight out of mind unless they want something. I messaged one DD to say we would be over twice in November and she never bothered to message back. So next day I messaged "oh, so not even a that's nice from you then?" Her reply was "yes it is a bit". So yes friends are a bit thin on the ground. I wprry about my husband if anything happens to me as he has no family and having PTSD I feel he needs friends who understand.

Widows seem to suffer the problem. My friends are the five I have had for over 50 years, they don't all live nearby but I know they are there if I need them, we keep in touch by e-mail every week or so and are up to date with all the goings on with the family, children and grandchildren. Suits me just fine.

When my husband retired we moved from Surrey which I loved to a place I have never settled.
Both of us are from small families but we have some close friends that we have kept in touch with but are now too far away to see without detailed arrangements being made.
Although I tried hard to fit in with a completely different outlook and way of life it has just never really worked - I was told by a fellow volunteer at a charity I became involved with that I would always be an outsider as locals don't need you - they have their families.
About 10 years ago I got to know another non local who was good fun had many similar interests and for several years I really enjoyed her company. Since the death of her husband when she got control of some money, she has changed completely. To say she is obsessed with money and her own (as she sees it) is an understatement. Every conversation begins and ends with one or the other topic. I have been getting sick of the boasting and bragging for several months now and am reaching breaking point as it is SO boring. Last time we met she started to bully the assistant in a shop we were in basically asking her "do you know who I am?" I walked out and was very short with her for the rest of the outing but lacked the guts to speak my mind.
I can't decide whether to take her to task and tell her how much I dislike the change in her personality and face a showdown and lose the only person who really (used to) make me laugh or whether to just try to avoid her as much as possible. Either way, I suppose I lose the closest "friend" I had here.
Writing this has helped - and the moral of the story is think long and hard before upping sticks and moving somewhere alien when you retire!

Sorry, missing word - as she sees it her own "brilliance".

Some sad stories here. I often think, if only there were a clever device like a map of your area, and you could press a button when lonely and fancying a chat/cuppa, and it lights up. Then others near could respond.

I think there must be so many people feeling lonely, when they are within a mile or closer of a person feeling the same, who would welcome a chat.

With all the clever technology we have now, and the ever increasing older people, it would be great, but of course it's not as simple as that.

seacliff That is a lovely idea and would make a great app but can you imagin how this would be abused by fraudsters and con-men, a map of lonely vulnerable older people.

Yes sadly I can pink.