Adult sulking - advice please

Sulking - pathetic or what!?!
Ditch the man-child even if you think you really love him.
Life's too short.
I wouldn't even waste time discussing it with him. Just do it.
And don't take him back even if he caves in and says it won't happen again because it will. Leopards don't chnage their spots.
There are plenty more fish in the sea if you give yourself a chance to find one.

Ignore him and indulge in lots of phone calls where you laugh and have fun and make arrangements to go out for the day with friends.
Hum and sing when you arrive home as if you haven't a care in the world. Act as if he isn't there. That should royally tick him off.

If you don't live together then when he's sulking just let him get on with it. Pay no attention to him at all and don't initiate contact. Don't give him the attention he craves for his poor behaviour.

Fill your time with interesting activities and IF and WHEN he contacts you then you can tell him what a good time you've had while he's been sulking and looking pathetic. So if he doesn't change his behaviour he will lose you because you don't need him to survive!

Uh-oh...didn't realise that you didn't live together. As others have said...it's over.

I realise he has passive aggressive traits andam hoping for insights into this behaviour- might be I'm overthinking...........he never makes a decision. It is always what I want to do/ eat etc. Can't help think this is not healthy.

Do you love him Toffee71? Or are you just afraid of being alone? If he sulks and can't make decisions, it sounds as if you are just dragging a heavy chain around behind you. This is the behaviour of someone who needs a mother, not a partner. Sorry.

Run!

Toffee71 - I haven't read the whole thread just 1st page where you were getting great advice and it seemed like the scales were falling from your eyes...........but now you are looking for insights into his passive/aggresive behaviour. I think people use P/A behaviour in the wrong place. My guess is that he has "learned" this behaviour from one or both of his parents (we all do this to a greater or lesser extent) and copy it,mostly in an unconscious manner. I know every one is telling you to ignore it and yes I agree, but you're not ready to call time on this r/ship. What do you propose to do when you've looked into P/A behaviour -(which I don't think is the problem) Anyway what do you propose to do when you've found some insight into P/A behaviour? You can't have a conversation with him about his behavior - can you? If not why not? Are you a little afraid of him I wonder. Sulking is his way of coping when things don't go his way and it is very controlling - much worse than having a row and a shout if necessary.

I fear you will stay in this r/ship and things will get worse, but that of course is your choice. Please don't think you can change him because you can't - what do you know of his r/sip history - have you talked about that. I imagine there have been divorces and separations in the past, and interesting how he describes the separations etc - if he's prepared to do so. Are you able to discuss anything together that is uncomfortable for both of you. Ask him about his childhood, what sort of parents did he have, siblings - try to get a picture of his early years - that will give you more answers than looking for insights into P/A behaviour.

I would ask just once.. 'what is the matter?' then completely ignore him. I can't do with childish behaviour from an adult.

Toffee. Run. Run now, far and fast. Please.

I wasted 12 years of my life when I was in my forties. Thought it was me that had the problem. Divorced in 2006 and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Onwards and Upwards Toffee71 you won't regret leaving him behind,

I wish my Dave was here to sulk he died at 6 45 last night and I am heart broken.

I'm new here but just can't work out what LTB stands for. Can someone help?

I dont know what LTB means either, I give up reading posts with too many acronyms, it takes such a short time to type in the actual words. I also cannot stand the D in front of everything.

bootie41, My every sympathy, you must be feeling shell shocked. I do hope you have family and friends to support you at this time.

The the B##tard I think it means

bootie41. God bless xxxx

Is it Lose/Leave The B#*stard? I get annoyed with acronyms too!

I wouldn't bother. If he is divorced I think you know why he is, and why he's on his own. Do you want a life 'walking on eggshells'...I'd rather be on my own...no stress, and the opportunity to be free to meet someone who doesn't sulk x

Before I got married, my fiance's mother warned me that he was a sulker. I told her that that was just childish and I wouldn't' put up with it. He only ever sulked once and I told him in no uncertain terms that I wouldn't put up with it and if he tried it again I would just walk away. He never sulked again.

I come on the forum because you are all freinds as far as I am concerned. Even though I don't post very often, Thank you for your kind thoughts

What this man does gives sulking a bad name......sulking is childlike and can be reversed with a cuddle, a joke or a bunch of flowers......this is controlling manipulative behaviour bordering on psychological abuse.

bootie41 and (((hugs))). So sorry.x

Yep recognise this type of behaviour from my past experience. Sulks, total refusal to speak or co-operate, ignoring any pleas for different behaviour, or alternatively launching in to full scale shouting. This also followed a period of nice as pie love bombing where he was charming, considerate and fun. Turned out he was a covert narcissist, in other words in love with himself and incapable of real feelings for anyone else; but rather than being boastful and obvious (like a certain President we all know about) it was all hidden in a smoke screen of manipulation. I read a lot about it at the time and there didnt seem to be a 'cure' because its a fairly deep rooted personality disorder.

As someone else said - you already know the answer. This is about control and is part of abusive behaviour. Thank goodness you don't live together. Time to ask yourself if his behaviour is ok with you. This behaviour normally escalates and you could end up being alienated from friends and family.