Adult daughter issues

Very good advice here! You need st stop dwelling on you and let her be whatever she wants to be! Nothing worse than people NAGGING on that they have no grandkids! Love her unconationally and let her know before its too LATE.

Unconditionally

Just posting my first reactions, haven't read through the whole thread yet. So please forgive me if I repeat what someone else has said...

I'm sorry you're disappointed in who your dd is and is not, violetflowers. Maybe that's why she's "cold and distant" though? She must sense you don't really like her (I know you love her, but that's different). So maybe she's uncomfortable around you.

Yes, she's smart, that's why she's successful and can afford designer clothes, etc. Not my taste either, but I'm not her and neither are you.

Can you let go of your vision of who you thought she'd be and appreciate her for who she is? Try to see her ambition as a good thing even if it's not in a career that helps people. Try to appreciate the chic (I imagine), stylish clothes she wears instead of thinking about how "obscenely expensive" they are. See it as a sign of her financial success instead of as a sign of her "materialism." I'm not asking you to change your values, just to try to see that there may be a more positive side to this.

Also though you may miss having gc - I'm so sorry about that - please try to appreciate that maybe she's too into her career to give herself to a child. Maybe she realizes that and feels it wouldn't be good for the kid. Please realize she might be right about that.

I understand you may not be able to let go of your disapproval and disappointment that easily. Perhaps not at all. In that case, you'll need to accept that your relationship with her will remain distant. Sad but true.

Please also try to find joy in other parts of your life.

Ok, I see I'm not the only one who feels your daughter may be cold to you because she senses your disapproval. You say you feel sad when you see other mothers and daughters together. But if you want that, then I think you have to make sure to show her some warmth and praise her for what you can. Or if that doesn't come easily (it has to ring true), then, at least show an interest in her work, travels (if any), etc.

And as I said to another op, please don't assume there won't be any gc. People do change their minds. I'm NOT suggesting that you try to change hers, just saying she might change it. Iv seen that happen a few times. It may be later than you had hoped, and she may dress her kids in designer clothes that you find "ridiculous." But it may happen. Don't give up hope!

I wonder if the desire here to have a grandchild is to have a "second go" to get the girl your daughter wasnt?

What if she did have kids and they turned out to be just like her? What then? What if she had 2? One like your fantasy and one like her? Would you be able to be a decent gran and love them both?

Grandkids won't fill the gap until you've reconciled your expectations Vs reality...until then, if there were GCs, you might just cascade the sane issues down to the next generation!

Give the poor girl a chance to get going. It must be awful for her to know -and I'm sure she does know- that you would rather have her married with two toddlers. Then you would have something to do and be able to hold a baby again and use your experience in child care etc.

BUT there is more to being a mother and a grandmother. You can only play a small part in their lives. You had the main part in your own life.
Back off, accept her as she is, give her plenty of space and let the relationship warm up a bit. Then you can step in when she becomes a mother in her thirties. Which is the time modern women have children these days.

If she becomes a morher, not when. Its not obligatory.

Especially at age 24! She sounds far too busy for motherhood and she may or may not change her mind in the future.

Do you have unfulfilled dreams of your own violetflowers?

If you were a mother by the age of 24 you must still be quite young. Would it be a good idea to pursue your own dreams and ambitions instead of expecting your daughter to fulfil them for you?

mother. I must learn to type slower!