no grandchildren

I got my two grandchildren too late to be an active grandma, and they live too far away for me to see them often, but I still can’t believe my luck in having them at all. I truly sympathise with anyone who wants them but has not been lucky in that way. I didn’t expect to have children, let alone grandchildren. It’s all a bonus to me, not something I ever take for granted. I’m always surprised by the way some people just assume these things will happen.

One day my son said is it okay to bring 'a queer' home. My immediate thought was Oh I won't get any grand children. Turns out my now daughter in law is from Africa and her name is Akua. Phew!

I am like the old woman who lived in a shoe except that I have so many grandchildren I dont know what to do. I sometimes wonder if it would have been better if I only had a few. So it can work both ways I suppose. All I can really say is at least the OP was able to have a child/children when many people are even denied that joy.

I never thought to be a granny..... my daughter was in and out of live-in relationships all through her teens and twenties. Then one day I got a text message from her saying " I've just met the man I'm going to marry".... I asked as you would expect, for a few details.... " haven't any yet, don't even know his name". She found out his name.... and she did marry him but not before my grandson was born. Grandson attended the wedding crawling down the aisle for most of it , and I had my longed for grandchild! He was sublime and of course the cleverest, most beautiful baby ever born, and I thought he would be an only child...... then five years later his sister popped out....and she IS the smartest...most beautiful tomboy that ever kicked a football! Never say die
Camberwelle.... you never know what's round the corner. Even my son who's 38 and doesn't bother with relationships unless 'just friends ' might surprise me one day. I live in hope! And so must you.

My daughter is 39 and single. She has never really liked children and never wanted any. I am blessed with two gc from my son but for years I thought I would never have any and found friends one especially very insensitive. I ended up avoiding her. If I’m with someone without gc Itry not to speak about them.

That is sad - do you have any close relatives with children you could 'adopt' and be an extra Gran to? My Mum had a friend who had no children so no grandchildren, she was like an extra Gran to us when we were little.

Camberville, I totally get your feeling of "loss." It's the loss of an expectation, maybe a dream you had, of being a gm. If you have a lot of friends and relatives who are gms, it's completely normal, imo, to look forward to becoming one, yourself. And I can see where it would hurt to realize you're not going to.

I'm going to chime in, however, with those who say there's still some hope. Iv known a few people who said "no kids" and then changed their minds. Do I think you should build your life around this hope? No. By all means, move on and find other ways to be happy. But maybe keep the possibility in the back of your mind.

And what is this, people, about gc being ruled out because a ds is gay? Today some gay couples adopt children, etc. Same with single women. I think it's best to be married when you have kids, but nowadays, it doesn't have to be that way, surely.

My deepest sympathies to those of you on this thread who have lost children... So sad...

JaneA what a very strange post what has being gay got to do with a young lady from Africa
That’s sounds a particularly obnoxious thing for your son to say

I also don’t think it’s wise to tell Camberwelle to get involved with other people’s children, won’t that be more hurtful for her maybe one day but at the moment it sounds quite raw, it’s sort of like if a woman is told she can never have a baby you say ah well never mind get a job in a nursery, pretty thoughtless in my opinion

Along with the posters who’ve come on here to tell the OP all about their own grandchildren? The poster wanted help with dealing with the knowledge that grandchildren were not going to be part of her life.

Instead she got people telling her how happy their grandchildren made them

I’d like to hear whether camberwelle found that helpful.

I find someone saying “you must hope” in a situation where you are striving to come to terms with the fact there is no hope pretty thoughtless too.

Sorry. Her name is Akua pronounced a queer. it was very funny. She thought so anyway. Sorry if you find it obnoxious. She is a very nice daughter in law, and a lovely cook.

Camberwelle I understand your feelings of loss. The future you had expected is just not there anymore.

When I lost my only DD, I also lost the future family I'd looked forward to. My DGS became my ward so it's an entirely different relationship. If I do have any GGCs in the future, I may too old or infirm to enjoy them.

When all the other GMs are talking about their wonderful GCs it does hurt especially coming up to Christmas.

The only advice I can offer is to concentrate on the good things in your life and try not to dwell on it.

It is always hard when a longing you have had for a long time is not filled. Do you have any nephews or nieces who you can be an extra nanny too? I have had to wait for so long for grand children, I sometimes wondered if I would ever have any, but in the meanwhile I shared all my 3 older sisters grandchildren. I formed a wonderful relationship with my great nieces and nephews and even though they are now almost grown up they all keep in touch and send cards with funny memories from their childhood I was involved with. They also drop in to see me from time to time, the older ones with their own children. I love it when they come. I would advise if you don't have any grandchildren of your own share someone else's. Many people are unselfish and happy to share grandchildren. You can still enjoy wonderful moments of story reading and playing on the floor with trains etc. Parents are also often glad of an extra person to babysit or take kids to park when they are worn out especially during half terms.

It is hard when you realise that you wont have GC in your life camberwelle.

Our youngest son has 2 children but he cut us out of his life almost 6 years ago. We last saw the eldest when he was 8 months old and have never seen the youngest.

TBH, being a GM never really crossed my mind until we learned our ES's wife was pregnant. We were so excited and dreamt what it would be like to be GP's but sadly it seems, that is not a role that we'll be lucky enough to
full fill.

You are of course delighted for family and friends when you learn they have a GC on the way but it's hard sometimes. Just recently a dear friend of mine announced the forthcoming arrival of her 3rd GC. Sometimes it feels as if 'there is water, water every where and not a drop to drink'.

Eglentine I agree that "saying you must hope in a situation where you are striving to come to terms with the fact there is no hope" rather thoughtless.

Too often we've been told that where there is life there is hope; if only that were the case.

My DD has been married for 25+ years and does not have children, she told me when she was a teenager that there would be no GC provided by her. I accepted that was her choice and have never had a problem with it.

JaneA if you explained the pronunciation of her name in your original post I wouldn’t have said it sounded obnoxious the way you worded it it sounded like you were called her queer ( meaning peculiar, not gay) because she was from Africa

Urmstongran ha ha - who knows? The world is a small place if you go back far enough. I have done my family tree and it is so interesting to see what the lives of my ancestors were like.

Be fair though Eglatine the original post from Camberwell said it seems like I m not If it had said I have just found out I will NEVER have any grandkids I think people would have answered differently By saying ‘it seems’ is not a definite so people including myself were saying never give up hope I can’t speak for others but I meant it in a positive way

Jane A I think your post is hilarious and I'm sure I would have reacted the same! I'm glad you all had a good laugh about it

My husband and I don't have children. Nature didn't permit. So....we won't have grandchildren either.
We have nieces, nephews, goddaughter......we have enjoyed watching them grow up and now we have great nephew and nieces and a great, great nephew.
We've found.....it isn't what you have.....it is what you can give. Enjoy the people you do have in your life....

Camberwelle I'm sorry you feel you won't have any GC, do you have any other little people in your family you can lavish with love? My niece was the first of that generation to have a baby and I have always adored her little girl and although I now have a beautiful little GD as well I get equal joy from both the little ones ?

Fair enough Blubelle. I guess it rubbed at few sensitive spots in the “never give up hope” department....

I never really expected to have any dgc, but my ds2 surprised me by saying his gf was pregnant. I was 60! That baby is now 5 and there's been another baby since then. Better late than never, and there's always hope OP.

We didn't think we'd have grandchildren because of problems with DD and SIL, by some minor miracle they harvested 2 viable eggs from my DD, 'treated' SIL's sperms, then by magic in my opinion created one embryo only. We now have a beautiful granddaughter

But surely grandchildren are neither a given nor a right? I am a stepgran but spent years suffering comments and innuendo at my childless state. Parents need to realise how painful it is to expect grandchildren as their due - something that is often overlooked. Please just love and honour your children for what they are, rather than for what they may provide for you.

Worthing I think that was my brother's & SiL's approach. When they realised DGC were unlikely to appear they focussed on other ways to manage and to give the love and time they had where they could. My DGC love their GU and GA and enjoy visits/visiting. They see them most half terms.

Also have a good friend who has no children but is an additional granny to another mutual friend's DGC. The GC treat her like a grandma..win-win.

If you have the opportunity and willingness to build a relationship it can become a very warm and close one even if not 'related'