Not another one!

Quite ironic that you came on here to bitch about other women (and rank your daughters attractiveness) then you say that other women are bitchy and gossipey.

But it might explain your odd outlook on divorce since you may not have held many hands through it.

Here's the thing, just because your nephews have come through a divorce worse off doesn't mean that their wives come out better off.

Usually the only people who gain financially from a divorce are the landlords and the solicitors.

Financially divorce tends to have two losers not a winner and a loser. Split assets have less actual value than shared.

One adult running a family home with maintenance payments will be worse off than two adults sharing the costs of running a family home. It is a huge burden and the resident parent is often less free to consider cheaper accommodation options to save money than the non res parent.

Far from divorce and single parenthood being a profitable venture, it is actually a luxury that many can ill afford. It is financially harder than ever to split up (well not ever.... but certainly harder now for young families than for the generation that preceeded them.)

P.s. at the HIGHER end of the range, statutory child maintenance payments from non res to res parent is about 12% of the non resident parents income.

So how on earth do you figure that going from having your other half's whole income coming into the house to having to run it with just 12% of their income being contributed (if you're lucky and get the higher amount, it's often closer to 8%) is some kind of get rich quick (or slow in the case of your examples: waiting until school age) scheme?

It just makes no sense!

Either you see things through incredibly jaded eyes or else your nephews are taking advantage of your lack of exposure to other peoples lives in order to paint you a picture that most people would recognise as not ringing true so that they can talk themselves up.

Interesting Diana
I wonder if your own experiences have coloured your views about men and about 'the other woman'.

In the end, you feel you made the right decision. A close friend of mine did the same when her husband had an affair and I think the decision for her was the right one too.

There are always two sides to a story but I do think that infidelity for no reason is difficult to deal with.

Interesting that it was "a brainless little scrubber " who was at fault and NOT your husband.It takes two ,just as it takes two to make a success of a marriage .Maybe thats where your husbands nephews are going wrong,they dont work at their marriages .

My nephews problems were they had married out of their league, money was the attraction all along.

Brainless, this tart was not a serious contender he would have got bored within a couple of months, if it had been a serious prospect that he had got into an emotional relationship with it would have been much harder - I was lucky.

My husband was a keen rugby player and at 32 he was team captain and a very attractive man, I was a busy mother of 3 kids doting on them, we were both happy in what we were doing but not really doing much together. After a match he stayed at the club with the lads, or so I thought but it wasn't just the lads.
After the affair I decided to do more with him, it was not practical to takes the kids to watch a match so I decided to get a baby sitter organized and join him after at around 7pm, he knew I was joining him. It was then I realized how naive I had been, there were about a dozen girls dressed to attract obviously hunting for a man, that changed my outlook.
Next day I looked in the mirror and realized how much I had let myself slip, sloppy was my description I would never have looked like that before we were married. So I lost a good stone of baby weight, put make up on properly dressed better, the next time I joined him at the rugby club I was a confident wife, the men of course didn't notice, but the women definitely did. So I reinvented myself, chucked my old drab nighties out and bought some nice boxer shorts and slept without a top, that livened up the bedroom.

From then onwards it was much easier to manage him, the balance of the relationship had changed in my favour and getting him to do what I wanted was never a problem and we became very close. I'm not glad it happened but it did make me reinvent myself and think like a "girlfriend" to be won, not a wife to be taken for granted.

That is one of the saddest posts I've read on gransnet Diana.

Dianna, I haven't read all the posts, but imo, your comments about relationships are very cynical. It's very common for the mother to get the house in a divorce when kids are little. The courts don't like to kick the kids out and usually accept that the mother stays with them. It doesn't mean they schemed to ditch the husband and keep the house.

No matter how wonderful your nephews may be, you still have no idea what goes on in their marriages. Also, except for the fact that 3 of them are getting a divorce and the wife is getting the house, their situations all sound fairly different.

Also, how do you know all 3 wives "kicked" the man out of the house. Because that's what your nephews say? It's possible that one or two of them agreed to separate, and the men just assumed they had to leave and let mum stay with the kids.

Maybe all 3 of your nephews chose cold, materialistic women for wives, and all 3 wives are being totally selfish and cruel. But you (general) can't know a situation from the outside or from hearing one side of the story. So please don't try.

Meanwhile, glad things worked out well for dd!

Oh dear, I just read your posts about your own story, and now I see the reason for the cynical comments. You're looking through a very skewed lens. I know it's hard not to look at others through your own painful past experience, but please try not to.

"I know all these men well over many years, I meet them mostly at family weddings and parties"

Oh honey, that ISN'T knowing them. You have no idea what they are like at home or if they've cheated on their wives or any of that. And you probably know their wives even less. They're your nephews and you love them and are supportive of them. And that's as it should be, imo. But please don't judge their wives.

"I don't really care wether any of you think I was weak for not chucking him out, or strong for staying with him, that's what happened and about half the wives don't divorce."

I respect your decision. But that doesn't mean that your nephews' wives had to make the same one. Are you sure you're not just upset because they didn't?

Nonnie, no one said it's "always the man's fault." Of course, it's possible that all 3 of these nephews are easy to take advantage of. (I don't think it's likely, however, for 3 men to be the same even if brought up the same way.) We're just saying not to assume that it's always the woman's fault or that every woman is, at heart, a gold digger.

I am r

I am really feeling the cringe.

Iam64 That is one of the saddest posts I've read on gransnet Diana. Agreed.

The use of so many derogatory terms for women is depressing: tart, scrubber, bitches.

Brainless little scrubber well she was your husbands choice
Blimey you come across as one bitter lady You talk of managing my husband And say by making yourself attractive in the bedroom you never had a ^problem getting him to do what I wanted Sorry but you sound so shallow, no mention of love or care, just management, control, upper hand
Many of us on here have had unfaithful husband we don’t all end up with such a distorted outlook on relationships, and on other women Not nice at all

My husband had an affair for a few years, but stayed with me till the youngest had finished his GCSEs. He really should have left earlier, because the years he stayed for the sake of the children, were so miserable. I wondered why he was so cold towards me, found fault with everything I did. I lost my confidence. We argued ...this affected the children. If you are in an unhappy marriage, and having a serious affair, just leave, because staying only prolongs the agony both for the partner and the children.

And there was me thinking that a way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

Ah well, live and learn.

It does sound rather a hard way to acquire a house, probably with a mortgage - getting married to a man you intend to get rid of sooner rather than later, getting pregnant and going through childbirth probably multiple times.

I can think of easier ways to earn a living.

It's worked well for me Jalima! which is good because I would look ridiculous in boxer shorts and nowt else

me too Chewbacca
DH would be saying 'Are you OK, love - lost your top?'

now it looks as though I've married someone, had multiple babies and then left, just to get a house!

My post was in response to your "way to a man's heart via his stomach!

X posts!
You have to get him to leave not vice versa Chewbacca!
Preferably taking the children with him as soon as they reach teenage.

Clearly, I'd have been rubbish at this "convenience marrying" malarkey Jalima. Just as well I'm a reasonably good cook!

I look crap in boxers, and I'm a useless cook.
Its no wonder I'm all on my own!

Jalima I understand the way to a man's heart is between the fourth and fifth ribs with a very sharp object of about six inches' length

muffin!

Oh now I know where I went wrong after I found out about his affairs I should have put my boxers on and become a siren in the bedroom Silly me why didn’t I think of that