Not another one!

what they don't like is being kicked out for no good reason.
Ah - presumably you have only heard one side of the three stories?

As my mum used to say ‘you don’t know anyone until you live with them’. Very cynical of you and quite unfair.

Goodness talk about the long game. Would these women really go through all that to get a house, sounds exhausting.

what they don't like is being kicked out for no good reason.

You know what? Sometimes it is more a case of no good reason to stay together.

You describe them as being out at work a lot and it sounds like that defined them a bit. Maybe the wives felt like they were living like single mums anyway, just without the freedom to find proper companionship.

Thats just one possibility among many!

Jamalia, I know all these men well over many years, I meet them mostly at family weddings and parties, the problem men are the ones that drink too much getting aggressive and abusive, putting their own wives down, shouting at the children in company. I've never seen them do that, the thing they have in common is that they are are too trusting and generous they worked hard to provide their wives with a good lifestyle.
I am very sorry for all of you that have had bad experiences and think that women are always right and men are always wrong. A married woman has all the cards stacked on her side and if the man has any kind of money he is at risk, dependant on her good will, the views expressed have hardened my view that men should avoid marriage. Which is what is happening in practice, men are becoming much more streetwise, more and more women cannot find a partner, career women in their 30s worst of all.

Gransnetters don’t be so judgemental Young women these days want it all and they can use every trick in the book to get it
haha Cant get much more judgemental than that

the problem men are the ones that drink too much getting aggressive and abusive, putting their own wives down, shouting at the children in company

Wow you really DON'T have friends that confide in you do you?

Good god you couldn't be more wrong.
It is the "street angels" that are the "house devils". For the ones that "let it all hang out" that's often as bad as it gets, but for the REALLY abusive ones, presenting an outer image of charm is actually part of the abuse!

"career women in their 30's worst of all'

wow, just wow

I am very sorry for all of you that have had bad experiences and think that women are always right and men are always wrong.
That's not what people are saying.
They are saying that you dont know what your nephews are like as partners behind closed doors.
And.
Your gold digging theory makes no sense. They must be very bad at maths if they think having children will make them richer

A married woman has all the cards stacked on her side
?

I know all these men well over many years, I meet them mostly at family weddings and parties

So your sweeping judgements are made by viewing their behaviour when they are out enjoying themselves. My sister was married to someone who worked hard...when she was having her second miscarriage, when she was bleeding to death when the hospital missed the fact she was carrying twins and didn't do the job properly. My SIL works hard...so that every dinner time is late is late at night because he forgets to come home, so that every weekend is spent waiting for him to come home. Both the women in these scenarios might have been well provided for but the are terribly lonely when life is pitching them a curve ball. It doesn't necessarily make a man a bad person because he works hard but it can make life very tough for the person holding up the parenting end of the job.

I am very sorry for all of you that have had bad experiences and think that women are always right and men are always wrong.

That is very judgemental Diana54 - some of us know there are always two sides to every story and don't necessarily have to experience things ourselves to realise that.

Jamalia, I know all these men well over many years, I meet them mostly at family weddings and parties,
Seeing people at parties and weddings is not really getting to know them in any real sense of the phrase, though, is it.

And my name is Jalima btw

she was the prettiest of my 3 and a lovely temperament.

Oh, this made me laugh! Is she a thoroughbred?

Is it just me ? If I had 3 girls, I just wouldn't say who was the prettiest...they would all be pretty to me, but then I live in an ideal world.
I suppose the ladies are justified, because that's perhaps the truth and even her sisters probably accept she is the prettiest

Diana, you talk about your daughter as if she's a brood mare., why stick with someone for 6 years wanting to marry him, then keep getting pregnant in order to catch him. Glad it wasn't my son. Who is manipulative in that scenario, I take it the other two not pretty girls are sitting at home seething.?

Has it not occurred to any of you that the three men, all brought up together may have been brought up to be kind, considerate and caring to the extent that they have all been taken advantage of? It works both ways. They may have all have the traits which make them easy to take advantage of. Why do so many always think it is the man's fault? And before you jump to the conclusion I am blaming the women involved, I'm not, I'm just saying men are often victims too. Can you imagine the man who has been brought up to be kind to women, to hold doors, be caring etc who finds himself with a wife who is a bully? He won't hit back because it is against all he has been brought up to be, he doesn't know how to cope with a demanding, controlling woman. I am really struggling with some of the posts on here.

....you know what, I’m off to make DH his favourite tea tonight, because for whatever faults he has, this has reminded me I’m really lucky.

I was brought up by my mother when she kicked my father out because he took his mistress on holiday when my brother and I had never had a holiday in our lives. We suffered poverty and my self esteem has been affected by our circumstances. Children need two parents but that isn't always possible. I think the current generation of young parents very selfish; they seem to put their own happiness before that of their children. We shouldn't judge though because most marriages are mysteries.

the problem men are the ones that drink too much getting aggressive and abusive, putting their own wives down, shouting at the children in company

Really? You are old enough to be a grandmother but still think there is only one way a man can make his wife's life a misery?

However, as has already been said, none of us, including yourself, Diana, know what happened between closed doors in these marriages but the houses and child maintenance are for the children.

And from what I understand the only way a woman would get to keep a house in a divorce would be in exchange for some other marital asset or merely being allowed to live there with the children until the youngest turns eighteen when it will be sold and the proceeds shared with the husband.

Thank you for your comments Gransnetters I shall bear them in mind in future.

I can’t help feeling that the OP doesn’t have a very good opinion of women. Even the one who puts up with the partner who treats her badly, yet stays must be a gold digger. I honestly don’t know what to think! But as most have said, no one knows what goes on behind closed doors. I would never in a million years have suspected one of my sons in law would have cheated on my daughter, but he did! Thank goodness she threw him out, although we all get on great now.

Wow... if I am right, you must not have any daughters and you have no relationship with your nephew's wives.

My husband cheated, he obviously never told his family because it's shameful. I reckon this could be your nephews too.

Your post is really quite nasty.

I feel sorry for them Diana. Just because they are male doesn't mean they must be in the wrong. That seems to be a common theme these days - criticising men. I'm sure there are just as many women who are selfish and unkind as there are men.
I myself know of very young children with very unkind stepmothers for example.
We don't know the nephews and you do, and if they are kind gentle caring men I hope they find happiness again one day.

Rachel no one on here is thinking that men are all wrong and that women all right , all people are trying to point out is Diane hasn’t a clue who s right and who is wrong as she is not involved in any of the marriages she is an outside observer and has made strong judgements with no facts she basis the fact that the women are ‘wronguns’ on the fact that she knows these young me are lovely as she sees them at family do s!

Get on with your own life Diane and stop twitching the net curtains peering into others lives to make snap judgments

I wasn't going to come back on this but one post was interesting, "do I like other women". To be honest not much I have maybe 6 close friends that I trust and confide in, otherwise the rest are just acquaintances. The problem with women is that so many are gossiping bitches with nasty minds ready to put the worst outcome on any issue, and that has been shown in these posts.

My husband had an affair too, I was lucky it was a brainless little scrubber that had got to him when he had too much booze, she didn't hang around. I didn't kick him out , I loved him, had 3 children by him and I really didn't want to be another divorced woman, so I gave him hell for a couple of weeks then let him make amends. With hindsight I made the right decision, did I trust him, not totally, I made sure I socialised closely and as far as I know he never did stray again.
I don't really care wether any of you think I was weak for not chucking him out, or strong for staying with him, that's what happened and about half the wives don't divorce.
So we raised the three girls together and saw them married to good husbands and I think most mothers would be pleased their daughters were happy. We see a lot of conflict on theses pages involving mothers in law, in our case all 3 get on well with their I laws, and again most mothers would be pleased

I have had a happy life and seen my children have happiness and 8 grandchildren, all seem to be normal well balanced kids. I had no special advantages, the decisions I made along the way we're the right ones, if I don't like or trust any particular person that's tough. Don't we all do that or are some of us liars.!

Diana 54, An interesting post. I stayed with my husband too after his affair, but I still feel humiliated by it and have lost respect for him. I just don't feel that he can ever be my best friend as he put another woman before me and our children. The discovery of the affair was so shocking for me that I've never got over it. I would never judge anyone else in my position though, as no-one can know the reasons for the decisions we take. I think Gransnetters give really good advice but I wish they wouldn't go on the attack. Some of us may just have more emotional intelligence than others and none of is too old to learn. We should all be able to take in someone else's point of view then have a word with ourselves.