Not another one!

I understand there is a popular genre of film where plumbers are unexpectedly propositioned by numerous energetic young women. Perhaps these films have given people some wrong ideas.

I am 64, there are some men I dislike as well, the nasty foul mouthed ones
Old Batty the shorts were elasticated, loosing weight took 4 weeks
Jalima, well done
Monica, I'm not bitter at all, I just choose who I like. Even my 4 times divorced neighbour is on my Christmas card list.

I just cannot believe how naive you all are all my illustrations are have actually happened here is a little more detail .

My Brother in Law now 70 is a farmer his 3 sons, (my nephews) run the farm and the value of the farm is immense. He could have included the sons in the land purchases but he was advised that would give their wives a share also and if divorce happened they would have to be paid out.
When the first wife divorced she was furious that a share of the land was not held by her husband and she got a much smaller payout, especially when she had paid a very expensive lawyer.
She was a gold digger.

One of my daughters ( the prettiest one ) also eventually married a farmer he refused to marry her for exactly the same reason, they even lived in a rented house so that she could not claim on that either. After 7 yrs she started a family, from her point of view " at least he can afford maintenence if he chucks me out", he didn't. He is a good husband and father, tight with money but she still gets everything she wants - and then some.

Finally, the story that a very long standing friend had to cope with. This time it was a large garage business on the edge of town with land attached, valuable.
Father was a ladies man, eventually his wife divorced him keeping her half share of the business in trust for the family.
Father quickly married the other woman, coincidently (maybe) his health deteriorated and she got power of attorney without telling his family, she actually put the business up for sale, the first the family knew was prospective buyers viewing. That cost over £100,000 in lawyers fees to fight and she left with nothing.

My lovely next door neighbour invited me to drinks when she first arrived, she seemed nice enough so I stayed and chatted for some time. After quite a lot of prosecco conversation turned to husbands and girl to girl she was quite proud of benefiting by over half a million pounds - so far. Our friendship did not blossom. An early post suggested that a woman would not have children just to get money, oh yes they do.

There are plenty of golddiggers and any sane business owner male or female makes sure that they protect their hard earned cash.

So, if a wife/partner "kept the home fire burning", cared for the children of the partnership, did everything to ensure that the male of the partnership could give his undivided attention to the business, family or otherwise, would you still think she was not entitled to a share if the marriage/partnership came to an end? Even if the children were still of an age where they needed a home and providing for, ie pre-graduation?

Jalima no because she probably hasn't contributed any capital or work to the business if she had the court would give her credit for it. Turning that round if she worked and contributed or contributed capital to a business or a house she would get credit for it.
But not for "keeping the home fires burning" if a couple lived in a rented house any maintenence would be related to how much he or she could afford to pay. That's why Heather McCartney walked off with £25M after a couple of years, nice work if you can get it.

What do you think would, or should, have happened to you if your husband had chosen his mistress and told you to get out when you discovered his affair?

It's like reading a novel from the 19th century, reading Diana54's posts. Almost as though a whole century has bypassed her. Wouldn't mind betting she doesn't agree with women having the right to vote; her views are so archaic.

If he had decided he didn't want me I would sit tight in the house and take what I could, keeping the children as a priority, but it wouldn't be up to me the court would say what I had. I would be angry and emotional because I dont like loosing control of events and that's just what's happened

Chewbacca, you don't read, all this happens, are you saying that Heather didn't not take Paul McCartney for £25M. All for the child's welfare of course, yea, yea. It's women like that that give women a bad name.
Did you not know that in the 19th century it could not happen because married women had no rights to anything.
If you are going to try to put me down at least be credible

The rest of you keep coming back I've got a few more tales about golddiggers, these are about women who have preyed on elderly folk, they are true tales.
There are of course men that do this but I just don't have any first hand accounts.

I think you need to get out more.

Nobody knows what really happened with the marriage of Heather and Paul McCartney, you only have the version the press gave you and everybody knows how unbiased they are. No doubt many of the tales about gold diggers have been read in the press too or from the so called injured parties.
Please do tell us more of your wonderful examples...it is so illuminating, especially about the author.

If he had decided he didn't want me I would sit tight in the house and take what I could, keeping the children as a priority
Exactly the actions for which you condemn other women!

There are, of course, people who prey on others for material gain, both men and women, particularly where the elderly and vulnerable are concerned. And maybe some people marry for money or position or to gain a passport. Who knows?

However, romantic that I am, I do believe that most people marry for love, but often it just doesn't work out, and then the separation can become bitter as the parties scrap over children and possessions.

Nobody knows what goes on in someone else's marriage, even those who are close to you, so it doesn't do to speculate.

Diana, if what you say is true, and if this whole thread is not a 'wind up', you made your marriage work. It may not be the sort of marriage I would want or, I suspect, one that many posters on here would want, but you say that it is what you wanted.

So why are you so bitter? Did you never really forgive your husband for the affair? Did he destroy your self-esteem, to the extent where you felt you had to 'win' him back instead of the other way round? Did you ever have a career of your own, which would have given you more confidence and independence? Do you secretly regret some of your life choices?

Obviously, none of us can know, but I do hope that your daughters have higher self esteem and contentment than you appear to have found. I find it surprising that a mother of three daughters would have so little regard for the female sex. You should be their role model and inspiration, as well as the person they love and can turn to for support. Do you actually have much of a relationship with them at all, beyond the superficial?

Dolcelatte, I married for love and never wanted to beï independant, many women want independance, a career, a family and marriage. Although probably the majority of women think that way it puts a lot of pressure on the relationship and we have a divorce rate of 40%, and a significant number never do find a partner.
My self esteem was always high, after the affair it increased because I had won, I had kept my man, if l had left then it would have meant a very poor life, my parents were not in a position to help.
My daughters had the same choice at 18 and chose not to go to University but get work experience and ended up as 2 Chartered Accountants and a Midwife. They settled into relationships had children they had no ideas about independance, 2 work part time the other has 4 young children and is busy enough with them.
In my eyes that is a good result, the relationships are all good, with each other, with their husbands, with myself and with their respective in laws. I know that sounds like some kind of utopia but that's how it is, were they lucky or did they make the right choices as teenagers.

I am not bitter, I have commented on situations where others have in my opinion made the wrong decision or deliberately sought to exploit others

My self esteem was always high...... no shit Sherlock

I dont see how you won?

Its fun being wooed and flattered and wined and dined but that does NOT mean that the other woman was keen to wash his skiddies for the rest of her life!

Staying together after an affair can be the right choice, but its no victory

wash his skiddies for the rest of her life!

Thanks for the mental image notanan!

Because some women are gold diggers does not mean many or all women are and there are just as many men on the make as well. But gold diggers go for men with MONEY, footballers, pop stars, wealthy businessmen, not ordinary men in ordinary jobs.

If they do go for ordinary men in ordinary jobs and split from them they are usually substantially worse off when a marriage breaks up, especially if they have children. They rarely get maintenance for themselves, only their children and that ends when the child finishes their education. They have all the hassle of being single mother, balancing work, children and childcare. They may be able to occupy the house, but rarely get given it and, again, may have to sell it and split the proceeds when the children start work.

I have yet to meet a woman who hasn't found life a lot more difficult after a marriage break-up, but I do not mix in any society that includes footballers, pop stars or wealthy businessmen.

Diana, I'm beginning to wonder if you're comments are genuine.
MOnica is spot on, no woman with children is ever better off after divorce, quite the opposite. Financially, women always suffer and emotionally it's a nightmare. women may feel a sigh of relief to be out of a relationship in which they were desperately unhappy, undermined and sometimes emotionally or physically abused. They will also feel lonely, isolated, desperate, worry how on earth they're going to manage their children's response to the separation. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Whoops, I don't have a worst enemy but I wouldn't wish it on anybody.
I also don't know anyone who has left their marriage/life long relationship without endless attempts to make it work.

I also don't know anyone who has left their marriage/life long relationship without endless attempts to make it work

Spot on Iam64; 12 years in my/our case. No regrets now though!

I find it surprising that a mother of three daughters would have so little regard for the female sex
And to actually say that one daughter is the prettiest!

I have yet to meet a woman who hasn't found life a lot more difficult after a marriage break-up

M0nica - not to mention the problem with pensions when they reach that age.

Monica- I am a divorced woman, with no pension, except the state pension. I got the house and a measly alimony payment which hasn't increased for the past 18 years.
I sold the house, and moved into a smaller one.
My ex was a high earning GP, but a serial philanderer. I have a limited income now, but am happier in myself, except for daughterinlaw problems which is another story ?

are you entitled to some of his pension crazyH?

crazyH, I'm financially worse off because of divorce, don't know anyone who isn't. Happier though.

I don't think so Jalima. Perhaps I could go back to Court and ask them to increase the alimony in line with inflation. But that's a risk. When I had my "settlement", he was still in work .....now that he is retired, the Court might reduce the alimony. I never worked, so no private pension.
When I downsized, I had some capital and that tides me over.