Life seen from Different Generations' Perspectives.

PS. Tillybelle, I just watched your YouTube film -I should have watched it earlier. It is absolutely appalling. I don't know the UK building environment but surely there is a building regulator? insurance? something? somebody? to help you with such a builder. "Cowboy builder" doesn't begin to describe your situation. Your house has been trashed and is unsafe, unhygienic and basically unliveable.

Can UK Grans help direct Tillybelle to who and what she needs to do? She really needs HELP. Tillybelle's situation is so much more complex and dire than the original thread title about different generations seeing things from a different perspective.

My three boys have never made disparaging remarks on how my home looks and I never criticise their homes either. I am a believer of "Housework never killed anyone but I'm not taking any chances" I do what needs to be done, lavatories, bathrooms and kitchen always clean. Nobody else's business, it's MY HOME.

My oldest and bestest friend has a house which is a bit of a muddle. She collects vintage items especially kitchen items. There is a huge dresser filled with all manner of things, and a hallway which is large enough to hold a sideboard from the 50's early 60's recently purchased from a charity shop an old fashioned record player from the 60's and other items of interest, it is a bit like going into a museum and i love it. She makes me laugh with all her bits and pieces and i call her a clutter bug, it shows exactly how her personality is, she loved the 60's and late 50's and i think having all these things reminds her of a time gone by and comforts her. Her home is cluttered yes but so warm welcoming and cosy i adore my time spent there with her. The kettle is always on, homemade scones are always cooking and her fridge filled with homemade jams etc and the kitchen table has a huge bowl of fresh fruit, nuts, flowers and such like. Who wouldn't want to live in a home like this

Dear Tillybelle I am so sorry for the dreadful experience you have had and absolutely shocked by how these rogue builders have reduced your lovely house to such a sorry state. It seems that your children have not rallied round to help get things sorted and to castigate the builder. It looks like you have been left alone to do what you can.

Can i suggest you advertise for an aupair on HelpX

HelpX
www.helpx.net/
volunteer work in exchange for free accommodation and food on farms, backpacker hostels, lodges, horse stables and even sailing boats.
www.helpx.net/hostlist.asp?host_region=301,302,303&network=3

I think that if you put up your profile and situation and asked for someone to help you might well find that you got a volunteer.

Good luch

My 93 year old FIL is a hoarder, his loft groans under the strain of his possessions but he doesn’t worry as he says it won’t be his job to sort it out. Life is too short to go through decades worth of old utility bills for one thing, so house clearance will be the solution. He offered a local school a pile of ancient National Geographic magazines and was dumbstruck that they refused them, so he has painstakingly indexed all the articles; I know not why! I really have enough junk of my own so can live without someone else’s.

May I suggest that Tillybell has had the most dreadful experience with a roue builder and that comments are posted after watching the excellent u-tube film that shows the mess the builder made of her house and her essential possessions including her dining table and wheel chair. It is absolutely dreadful that anyone should experience this vandalism in their own home.

youtu.be/tMSwsO6Q5d8
C&M Building are Finished! He said!

Tillybelle, we have a situation where our builder has made a complete mess of our total renovation, plaster falling off the walls in every room. We have found that our house insurance covers legal fees for court proceedings and that the legal department offers excellent free advice. I am lucky that my husband and family are helpful and supportive so I know it will be OK in the end. I can't imagine how horrid it is for you to have to deal with this mess alone. Have you approached your insurance company? I wish you much luck and a virtual hug

Tillybelle, if it’s any consolation, after my first husband died, my daughters and even my sisters put him up on a pedestal and I sometimes wonder if they are talking about the same person I was once married to.

He had MS and I tried to protect my girls from the worst of his behaviour, but he would swear and call them names sometimes, but they seem to have forgotten all that, so I just let them remember him as they want to.

I can’t help re the builders unfortunately, but I can sympathise re your illness and pain. Please take care of yourself and if your kids moan about the state of your home, just say ‘a bit of help would be appreciated’ , wonder how they would reply to that.

My own recommendations don't extend your existing house, if you really do need something different move house and let somebody else have the hassle of improvements - unless you are qualified to supervise their work fully
There are good ones and bad ones but most small builders have no assets, so there is no prospect of compensation if things go wrong

I have just watched your YouTube video and to say I am shocked is an under-statement Tillybelle.

This is a cowboy builder taking advantage of an older, disabled person and he should be taken to account. I looked online and read about a similar case and the builder has been taken to court and has been imprisoned.
www.expressandstar.com/news/crime/2018/03/28/cowboy-builder-who-wrecked-mother-of-twos-house-put-behind-bars/
Wolverhampton Trading Standards launched a prosecution

I think you need to contact your local Trading Standards Officer asap, copying in your local councillor and MP too. The council official who 'turned a blind eye' to what was going on should be taken to task (and possibly sacked if he was taking backhanders).

The same thing has happened to two young people I know and unfortunately, the builder has now gone bankrupt! Their house is unliveable in. I haven't any up-to-date news on what is happening with them at the moment unfortunately.

It wouldn't be a good idea to try to sell your house at the moment, imo, as what you would get would be way below its true value if everything was put right.
Do you have insurance? Perhaps the insurance company may be able to advise too.

As for your children - no, I'm sure that mine would be very angry on my behalf and would be helping me to do something about this chaos that has ensued. Your DC need to step up and be more proactive in helping you. I would be very cross indeed if mine behaved like that.

As for your lovely china etc - if you still want it all then keep it and love it but, if not, then you could consider sending it to auction and using the money to treat yourself and cheer yourself up a bit.

Tilly - you dear poor lady. Have you contacted your local paper? I'm sure they would send a reporter post haste as usually desperate for good stories. This would generate offers of help from people. Another idea would be to contact your local church, ask the priest to visit and maybe he could muster support for you in the form of a little working party. This sort of thing happens sometimes here when there is obvious need such as yours. Please think about my suggestions and I do hope you get the help which you richly deserve very soon.