Husband and my lurgy

My OH is like everyone else's it seems, warts and all. When I'm well, I seem to be on the go all the time whilst he likes to sit and twiddle with various electrical toys of his. But he's a star when I'm ill.

to those whose OHs wouldn't know a sick bucket from a watering can....

I have a chronic condition and my husband has been kindness itself for the last couple of years. He had flu a few years ago and spent a week in bed. He doesn't remember that week but I looked after him properly, waking him up to drink water, take paracetamol etc.

Fortunately I had had the flu jab so didn't catch it from him.

I'm afraid I'm on the other side of this as my OH loves to be ill. He took to his bed with a virus for a week, then managed to get a 2 week sick note on top. He spends his days watching tv and eating in bed in a darkened room while I work full time and do everything. He is annoyed with the lack of sympathy, but short of calling for a priest, wearing black and crying at his bedside, sympathy would never be enough. I'm no nurse...feeding him constantly for weeks on end, while he cheerfully enjoys his 'poorly' is driving me mad I hope you feel better soon Framilode.

I think your DH is being rather selfish, and needs a talking to. Have you any children who could point out to him his unreasonable behaviour, and back you up?
Concentrate on getting well, and do not be pressured into doing more than you can cope with. Take care.
I would add that is some men, not all, who are like this. I also think some women can be a bit like this, too, but of course, not all.
My DH is very good if I’m feeling under the weather, and looks after me well. I hope I am the same when he is unwell, too, ?

That virus is nasty! My SIL and 2 Grandsons caught it and my D cared for them in the first 4 days then left them to it. My SIL is very hands on, and as he got better he took over the care. Youngest GS, 12 years, 5'8", 6st 6lb, then developed pneumonia and didn't eat for 10 days, losing 10lb he couldn't afford to lose. Bot my D and SiL shared the care, and I spent 2 days sitting with him when SiL returned to work.
Some men just can't cope with illness but I agree with everyone else, do what you need to keep yourself hydrated and fed, ignore everyone and everything else until you are better, then have a few strong words with H and maybe draw up some guidelines for the future.
Get well soon.

I've had ME for 5 years and my husband has been fantastic - he does most of the cooking and shopping, and housework, as well as working! So it's NOT acceptable to just shrug and say "that's men". What I would ask myself in your position is what is the "unspoken contract" in your marriage - we all have them. In some it's "you look after me" or "you're the one who earns the money" or "you're the one who does the housework" etc. We usually inherit them from our parents and, unless challenged and changed, they stay unseen until one of the conditions is broken. So, if you're the one who "is contracted" to look after him, then he will not look after you. As others have said, time to address this issue and resolve things. It's not acceptable behaviour.

DH has been very attentive since my back problem..to the point of irritation. I am such an ungrateful moo! He is very caring and is rarely unwell himself ..which is good as I am a rubbish nurse!

Frammilode My father was like this and remember receiving a call from him informing me my mother was ill and in bed and 'can you come over'? I immediately got in the car, at that time I lived forty miles away, and on arriving found father sitting in front of the fire reading the newspaper.

That's awful Framilode,I'm sorry you're feeling so unwell and even sorrier that you are not being looked after! What a selfish so and so!
In this house we care for each other and pick up the slack if one of us is ill without question, my hubby is a diamond always and I wouldn't expect anything less when I'm poorly.
Once you are feeling better you need to pull him up on his selfish behaviour but in the mean time get well soon ?

Framilode..........when you’re feeling a bit better let him know that you think he is a totally selfish p.. man and that if he does get sick you won’t be offering to look after him. I am married to a man who could do everything for himself when I met him. I put this down to years at boarding school. He would cook for me as I couldn’t boil an egg?.
When I was sick last year he was forever popping upstairs asking if I needed anything.
You have got to change the way this man treats you but I expect like a lot of other women you have been doing more than your share of everything round the house.
If I were you I would start to make a list of the things you want him to do, like the vacuuming, the dishes etc., Why should you put up with being treated this way. Get strong and plan your revenge. We all want a bit of pampering when we’re feeling unwell and he’s being very unkind and thoughtless towards you. ☕️??

Went into hospital for (2nd) new knee. The first one had gone fine. Not this time. Although the knee part O.K. organs were affected and I was very ill.On return after two weeks no bed change, no post open, house in turmoil, food not in fridge, no washing done. I was very shocked and disappointed. No wonder we get resentful.

No Anja "men" are not "like this"! This particular one seems selfish, inconsiderate and unloving. Many if not most husbands and partners will look after a sick spouse, just as she will look after hers when ill.

Ask him straight out what is wrong. If he is just sulking, then tell him how he's made you feel on top of not feeling very well.

Omg, Framilode, Fernbergien and others with husbands as useful as chocolate teapots you have my greatest sympathies

The last time I had a fluey type virus, and felt unwell enough to stay in bed, my OH brought me a cup of tea and declared that he’d go out “to give me some peace and quiet”. He came back around 6pm, and announced that he’d eaten out to save me the bother.....

He is the biggest baby if he catches anything, and sits in the sitting room constantly groaning (and I mean that literally). Next time I’m going to go out for the day!

Blimey, I'm so glad I'm on my own and don't have to put up with some of the things the OP and others have posted on here. When I get sick (and I have been for the past week) I can take to my bed in peace.

Typical men when the attention isnt on them! Get up have a cup of tea and back to bed, and look after yourself until you feel you can be up longer, and definately leave everything that "needs to be done"It will still be there when you feel you can cope more.Get well soon.

The thing is Esmerelda no-one HAS to put up with this behaviour.

While I feel terrible for the OP - she is letting him get away with this. And he'll continue to act like it until she tells him how she feels and what she is prepared to do going forward.

I had what might be called a 'life chat' with Grampy many years ago about his grumpy behaviour and winding up the children for what appeared to be sheer pleasure. I explained VERY clearly what was not acceptable and I also explained that I wasn't putting up with it any more and if he couldn't/ wouldn't change not to let the door hit him on the bum on the way out !!

A few days of thought and the marked change in him was remarkable ! He's been a changed man ever since, not perfect but hugely improved.

If we hadn't had that chat I think we might have been divorced by now . Take heart Framilode nothing will change unless you make it change.

Some years ago I had 2 major operations within 12 months. On the evening of the second one, I was lying in my hospital bed in terrible pain when my husband came to visit. He sat down and said "I'm fed up of you having all these operations".
I divorced him shortly afterwards.

Poor you, and nanagem and others with hopeless OHs.
Do not get up and try to do jobs or look after them - if you are not being looked after just (if you can) make yourself a flask of tea or coffee and take a jug of water up to bed - and stay there.

DH is very good if I'm unwell. However, I have to say 'thank you so much' quite a lot.

If I retire to bed feeling poorly I could die of thirst and hunger! My OH might chuck me a carton of orange but other than that I never see him! What I really would like is copious trays of tea and little goodies like my Mum used to do if yo were ill! Dear Mum! Bless her heart.

Poor you Framilode, neglected and made to feel bad because you are unwell!
As others have said, in sickness and health cuts both ways, and Iwould definitely be having words with him once you are fully well. Sometimes we make too many excuses for partners, male or female who dont show the care and respect that the other partner provides to them.
I have to say that I am lucky that my other half has been very caring when I have been ill, or recovering from surgery but knows that I would do the same for him.
I hope that you are feeling much better soon.

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Sounds like my house. I do everything and if sick in bed could die and my oh wouldn't know as he never looks in to see if I need anything. After years of this I'm afraid I treat him the same and if I did play nurse I'd been doing it every other week as he always has "something wrong" he's turning into his father

Unfortunately this sounds like my other half. I blame it on his being an only child! Several years ago I had the flu, not a cold, the proper flu and it laid me out flat. He wasn’t at all happy or caring and like your experience would leave me for hours without a drink, forcing me to go to the kitchen to be met with and angry retort of “I would have got that for you”. Fast forward to November last year, he has had a nasty chest infection which has lasted for 10 weeks, guess what was expected of me .... I had vowed to serve him with his own medicine but I really couldn’t behave that way. So what have I learned from this? Nothing. He is a selfish man and doesn’t have the capacity to care for others but if you met him you wouldn’t believe me!