passive agressive or is it me??

Any normal person would realise that doing exercises between the tv and the person watching it is not on. There is no mistaking what you do, such as changing tv channels when the other person in the room is clearly watching it.
It isn't forgetfulness or any other excuse. Sitting rooms are not so large that you're unaware of anyone else being there.
I've no idea why anyone puts up with that sort of behaviour. You only get one life.

I’m wondering the same as Maryhoffman37
His behaviour, if it’s as you describe, is totally out of order and unacceptable.

Ask him to stop walking in front of the tv. Easy enough. See how that goes. Close the door whilst he’s drilling and turn up the volume of the set really loud. As for the breakages could they be accidental?

None of this mans actions are 'accidental', possibly caused by dyspraxia (I am dyspraxic, I know, I do more damage to myself than to my environment and any damage is not limited to the things my partner most likes and treasures), nor is it thoughtlessness that he only does DIY when he has jobs where he can disrupt your TV watching.

You are in an abusive relationship and under the new law, his persistent actions, particularly triggering your allergies could be criminal.

Stop making a joke about his actions it. It isn't a joke.

BUT, you first need to sit down and have a good discussion with yourself. Why do you accept these abusive and intimidatory actions and why are you still in the relationship? Does your childhood or previous relationship background make you afraid to leave for any reason. Face up to those demons, if they are there and seek councilling.

If there are no demons. Sit this man down make it quite clear that his behaviour is unacceptable, it is intimidating and it could be considered abusive and criminal.

Then, give him a chance to explain what is happening and why. Is your behaviour driving him to this behaviour. Lets face it standing over someone for an hour as they carefully prune a wisteria to your exact instructions is enough to drive anyone to hack all the wrong bits as soon as an opportunity comes. Are you over controlling and constantly supervising him and running his efforts down. You need to ask yourself these questions and you may not like the answers. You also need to listen to his answers.

On the face of it this is an abusive relationship, but I just wonder whether you have contributed to it.

How wonderful that you have a good sense of humour.
However, are these new behaviours or has he always been like it? If he's always been that way - congratulations on coping! But if it's new could it be the start of dementia? It isn't just presenting with forgetfullness, so perhaps your doctor might advise you?
Good luck!

Good questions from some of the grans.

Why are you still with him.

Why don’t you divorce him.

Do you still love him?

By all appearances you are an enabler - if you didn’t accept this kind of behaviour, it wouldn’t still be happening to you....because you would have moved on.

When I was suffering from night sweats due to the menopause I wanted to have a window open at night. Hubby would complain bitterly that he could hear the traffic. (We live in an area that might have a car pass by every half hour) Now the menopause is over he couldn't care less whether the window is open or not. Another really annoying thing is he takes phonecalls in the evening while sitting right beside me. As soon as the phone rings he says "turn that down" meaning the tv. It would never occur to him to take his calls in another room. Grrr....

I do hope the OP is tongue in cheek. Why would anyone put up with that sort of behaviour ?

Name nanny is still with the awkward blighter because she married him! Presumably she might accept that (very rarely) she might be less than a joy to live with!

Namsnanny -sorry about autocorrect.

Is he a night person? My OH often does wee jobs around the house late at night ,including shampooing carpets and painting walls.Well nobody will brush against paint overnight or walk on damp carpets will they.
There may well be a perfectly reasonablt explanation for this so why think he's doing it deliberately ?I'm sure there are many on here who would love a man who did DIY whatever the time ...and TV programmes can be recorded

I’m simply astounded by some of these replies, Namsnanny sounds very restricted physically and her husband is her carer , if not actual carer then close to it. There is obviously a fair degree of frustration no doubt on both sides, but how on earth do you think kicking him out is going to help.
So she kicks him out and divorces him, he takes half the assets and all his caring time, he is free of obligation. She is stuck on her own relying on and paying for whatever caring she can get, probably the house has to be sold and new housing found.

All because he did not prune the Wisteria correctly.

This sounded abusive to me too! Not tongue in cheek I am concerned to read this post, I really am

When I have asked dh to do things, he invariably does it wrong. I have always suspected that he was like this so I wouldn’t ask again, after the job was twice as hard, having to undo his work before doing it the way I wanted. I have never thought I was unreasonable (think, couldn’t open old sash windows, so he painted them shut!! Then I have to remove new paint, force windows open and repaint, meaning half hour job takes all afternoon).
Other things, such as painting ceilings. Complain that the old colour is still very much showing through, he says “well I’ve given it 2 coats”, but less than half tin of paint used!!
Unfortunately, like yourself op, I am no longer well enough to do as much as I used to, so garden too is a disaster, with pruning meaning plants destroyed!
Why do we stay with them, is it because we have nowhere else to go, or in my case (and also suspect in yours) we still love them no matter what!

David is right.....
Namsnanny's post was tongue in cheek, and I don't think she would change him for the world.

Attention seeking!! How could you watch TV and not focus on him? The pruning behaviour is a way of ensuring you don’t ask him again & because he knows you will react.

I’m with you Davidhs on this. Talk about a sledgehammer to crack a nut ...

None of this is funny! Does he really take something which is precious to you and break it? This is the behaviour of a controlling bully. Why on earth are you allowing it to continue? Your self-esteem will eventually sink to the floor.

However, I must ask the question - what do you mean when you say 'whenever he's had enough of me'? What is it that you do that makes him so aggressive and can you bring all that out into the open? Sounds like it's a pretty miserable life you are leading.

He'd get a rather large flea in his ear and his marching orders from me.

He sounds a right pain in the backside, Namsnanny and I'm surprised you haven't shoved his tape measure where the sun don't shine.
Here's a little rhyme I found which may make you smile.

Sometimes it seems that things
get worse the harder that you try
You spray weedkiller daily, the nettles grow knee high.
You promise treacle pudding and find you're out of flour,
put extra sugar in his tea and still his face is sour.
Well, when the world's so back to front
then that's how you should be.
Try sugaring the nettles, try poisoning his tea.

I'm not suggesting that you really do this but at least you can enjoy the fantasy.

This is abusive behaviour believe me and you don't have to put up with it. I would seriously leave him and enjoy a better life. You could try hiding all his diy tools or better still give them to a charity shop. But seriously its abusive.

I think you might need legal advice.

Saw on tv once, a prank someone put CHILLI powder in underpants,it could just slip into them," now how did that get there"
I am not usually cruel.

Inconsiderate oaf whether he can help it or not.