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My husband found a job thousands miles away

(50 Posts)
Brendaann Mon 04-Feb-19 19:45:41

My husband spent all of our money he hasn’t paid our mortgage since June and our house is about to be in foreclosurer he found a job 2000 miles away and ready to go there and leave my son and I here, I asked what are we going to do if we get a eviction notice where are we to do he replied die I guess, What kind of husband that leaves his family in a house that going to be foreclosured.

sodapop Mon 04-Feb-19 19:55:27

So sorry to hear of your problems Brendaann You need some legal advice, try the Citizens Advice Bureau or a free half hour with a solicitor. Have you any friends who can support you now.

mumofmadboys Mon 04-Feb-19 20:09:07

Are you not in the UK? It may help if we know which country you are in.

kittylester Mon 04-Feb-19 20:58:54

Are you new brendaann? If so, welcome.

moggie57 Mon 04-Feb-19 21:17:30

I would go and get some advice. then go to the local council and get yourself on the housing list. or maybe a family/friend can let you stay with them/ till things get sorted .then divorce your husband you don't need a twit like him.

BlueBelle Mon 04-Feb-19 21:35:42

Is this a first post Brendanan ?

52bright Mon 04-Feb-19 21:45:25

So sorry to hear this Brendaann. How old is your son? There is sometimes more help available ...depending on where you live ...if your son is still a child. As others have said you need legal advice asap. Some solicitors offer a free half hour of advice. Other option could be citizen's advice ...again depending on where you live.

If your son is under 18 your husband is legally obliged to support him. The child support agency should be able to tell you of your rights and help you secure them. Hope you get some RL support and advice.

Brendaann Mon 04-Feb-19 21:47:43

I wish I was in the UK, I’m in the US My husband is from India, We have been married seventeen years and just used me to get citizenship, He has always hurt me mentally, threatened to take everything from me, In July he came back from India and wanted a divorce, I got a lawyer then he changed his mind and he begged my son and I not to file, He has been mentally cruel to us, He even called his own son who is sixteen, retard, moron and bastard, I cry everyday when I am alone.

Brendaann Mon 04-Feb-19 21:49:21

Yes, This is my first post.

MissAdventure Mon 04-Feb-19 21:52:54

Oh you poor thing!
What a mess he's leaving you in, but its your opportunity to make a life for you and your son.
Nobody should have to put up with that kind of behaviour.

Cherrytree59 Mon 04-Feb-19 21:58:07

If your son has a passport my advice would be to hid it.
Also hide your passport or any important documents.

Post on Mumsnet they have more international posters including Americans.
They have a Divorce and Legal section.

Good luckshamrock

PECS Mon 04-Feb-19 21:58:57

When the house is sold you would get the balance once all mortgage debts are paid. Can you work out what the balance might be? It might help you work out your next steps. If you are you UK based you can go to CAB or find a half hour fee legal advice at a solicitor.

Anja Mon 04-Feb-19 22:36:14

Get a lawyer. Pronto!

M0nica Tue 05-Feb-19 10:56:59

As you are not British (American?) talk to a free citizen law centre. They will advise you how to protect yourself and your son. There will be legal injunctions, that will, for example, stop your husband getting access to the refunds remaining after the foreclosure.

If your husband has not already done so, file for divorce yourself.

The best way to help yourself in every way is to grit your teeth and start taking your life into your own hands, talk to lawyers, mortgage lenders, your son's school; make sure they are aware of the disruption in his life. Show your, soon to be ex, husband that you can manage very well without him and that he will be the eventual loser in every way.

notanan2 Tue 05-Feb-19 11:07:28

Okay so practicalities first:
Call your mortgage provider & utilities provider etc and tell them what happened and ask them what they can do to help. There may be options that will help you short term like payment holidays, switching to interest only etc, but it is VITAL that you inform them of your circumstances and ask them what they can offer to help you sort this out.

Now as for him, its not your fault that he is heartless, not your fault at all flowers

wildswan16 Tue 05-Feb-19 11:20:14

You need to take control. Go to whatever legal office you can afford (I have no idea of the US system), do you have free advice centres? Find out your rights. Do not wait for your husband to take action - start your life for yourself and your son right now. Your marriage does not sound happy and cannot be a good environment for your son.

It may be that your living situation will be difficult and a lot less than you are used to - but that is preferable to the uncertainty of your current position. You will find you are a lot stronger than you think.

If there are cultural pressures from his or your own family then try to find the appropriate support network to help you through. flowers

Jalima1108 Tue 05-Feb-19 11:48:31

Is the house in both your names or just in your DH's?

If both, then you need to speak to the mortgage company, as someone else said ask if you can take a 'repayment holiday' and just pay the interest. Do you have a job?

Brendaann Tue 05-Feb-19 12:26:26

Thank you all for your advice, My husband put the house in his name, The cars were in his name they have been repoed, What hurt the most was when my husband told our son to drop out of school and that if he stays with him he will give him everything, My son believed him, I had a hard time convincing him to go back to school, My husband even lied to my son and told him I was going to get an abortion when my son told me that I cried and told my son it wasn’t true I even called my sister she tried to talk to my son to tell him it wasn’t true but he just walked away he believed his father instead of me. God showed my son what his father was like, my husband called my son names lied to him even threatened to throw him through a hotel window in India, Now my son won’t even talk to his father.

Jalima1108 Tue 05-Feb-19 12:32:53

Oh dear sad

Brendaann Tue 05-Feb-19 12:38:24

My husband left us in one part of India and he went to Mumbai and stayed in expensive hotels, His family admitted him into a psychiatric hospital and they didn’t tell me until I went to there I got him out, After all I have done for him My husband told us we were worthless to him and he sent us back home from India.

Brendaann Tue 05-Feb-19 12:45:29

My son and I will never go to India again, What kind of family puts their family member into a psychiatric hospital and say he has bipolar mania he didn’t have bipolar before we left America to visit India, When my son and I seen him after a month he act like he was on drugs.

jenpax Tue 05-Feb-19 12:58:16

This sounds like a wretched situation and you must feel very isolated others have given good advice re talking to the lender and seeking legal advice. I can’t give advice as you are in US and their systems are different from us in the U.K. but I am sure there must be charities that give advice and help so please try to investigate that, as someone else said let the school know too. I am assuming your son is still dependent but am aware that Americans use the word school to apply to university as well as actual schools so aren’t sure

Brendaann Tue 05-Feb-19 13:14:37

I went to the school where my son attends when he started in August they are aware of the situation, My son has always been a straight A student and since our trip to India in June his grades have dropped to b’s and c’s, My birthday was two days ago and all have ever wanted was for my son to finish high school and go to college and have a good life for himself and it’s like now he has given up because of his father and it breaks my heart to think he will fail this year.

Brendaann Tue 05-Feb-19 13:26:39

It’s so hard when you are alone in this world and everything you have is taken away, When your own family tell you they have no room in their home for you and your child.

Brendaann Tue 05-Feb-19 13:29:18

When you have money people are there for you but when you lose it all they are not.