The games people play.

There are lots of great courses on this subject
At the London college of Transpersonal psychology
I studied there & enjoyed every moment.

I feel a bit like Gabriella, adjust to cope with the person your with, but if they like playing silly games, leave them to it.

What you’ve described is a particular form of psychotherapy called Transactional Analysis (TA). It is an extremely interesting set of theories, often simplified and then misinterpreted but very effective.

I am pretty sure that when my DH and I got together, because we were both escaping family traumas and upsets, we parented each other. We were equally the stable mother and father we needed and the children who finally got a chance to blossom and play. He was the kind father I hadn't had and I was a substitute for his overstrong (and somewhat bonkers) mother.

After ten years of mutual therapy we were ready to have the DC we produced who grew up a bit saner than we were. But only a bit because, of course, we passed some of the behaviours down the line. We hope we only passed the fun bits on and the DC tell us they had a great childhood.

In my own family, I am my DS's scapegoat. Whenever she's stressed or her DH or DC upset her she lets loose at me. She has no idea she's doing it as she has the self awareness of a grapefruit.

Family fun and games!

I was sent on the ‘I’m OK you’re OK’ course many years ago as a work tool. Just wish I could remember what it was about

Some people play games but I think it is in the subconscious for most. The situations you encounter during your formative years influence the way you handle relationships in later life. To call it ‘games’ implies cunningly thought out plans within relationships.

I now understand why I did a lot of the things I did within my relationships. Due to family problems, I felt rejected. So I would win over partners then once I’d achieved that I would dump them. It wasn’t planned, it wasn’t done through malice; it was simply because I thought once they loved me they would leave me so I got in first.

If this is an interest of yours Namsnanny then Monicas advice is very good. To read different books on the subject to broaden your mind to different views/opinions. If it’s a field you are getting into involving a course, they’ll give you set material.

People are complicated for sure.

Very interesting conversation! Humans are fascinating and baffling. I will jnot st add mention of Families and how to Survive Them, by Robin Skynner and John Cleese. A little dated now, but I still love its humorous and yet very direct dialogue format.

I meant 'just add' sorry, (autocorrect)!

Lots of great ideas here. I guess what I would add is that perhaps the relationship which needs to be looked at first and foremost is the relationship you have with yourself. By improving self awareness and self management it (hopefully!) improves the nature and quality of the relationships we seek out, as well as our expectations of them. I have found a daily meditation practice helpful in being both less reactive, more compassionate and more grateful. At least that’s what I strive for - don’t always get it right and life is a journey of discovery...