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Sunday lunch today

(130 Posts)
Hilmix Sun 17-Mar-19 15:43:38

Today I set about lunch early In an effort to please my husband
We were having rump steak, garlic stuffed mushrooms, tenderstem broccoli, carrots (as ever,) with onion gravy and my husband's favourite, roasties. I had asked if he is would like sweet potato wedges instead with the steak but he said 'no'.
After sitting down to it, he pronounced the steak to be tough ( it wasn't) I showed how it had the required amount of kindness through the middle so he then blamed his knife .
I offered to swap with my piece but he said there was no point in us both having tough steak
Then the broccoli was hard. Followed by a sulk when I mentioned that most veg tastes better when it isn't reduced to slop. Hush my mouth...
He pronounced the meal ok but enthused over the shop bought sticky toffee pudding and squirty cream we had for pudding.
I am now in my room trying to calm my thoughts. I think the time has come to insist on simple lunches on Sunday, no more the hours spent trying to please. I feel bad to be so upset considering the terrible things happening in the world just now but I feel totally useless...
PS I spent the morning listening to Leonard Cohen whilst preparing lunch when our usual scenario is for husband to watch John Wayne saving the Wild West or winning WW2 single-handed. Maybe me having my choice meant I had to be punished. Who knows?

jusnoneed Mon 18-Mar-19 10:27:45

Give him beans on toast!

Must admit I have given up cooking Sunday roasts, I seemed to spend all my time in the kitchen prepping or clearing up. My son doesn't like roast anyway, and to have a nice piece of beef or lamb it nearly needs a mortgage to pay for them!
I roast a chook mid week sometimes for OH and myself.

razzmatazz Mon 18-Mar-19 10:41:36

Stop cooking lovey meals from now on. Beans on toast or scrambled egg. If he says anything reply " Well, you didn't like the steak I cooked last time so I am keeping it simple and not so expensive."

quizqueen Mon 18-Mar-19 10:42:58

Tell him that next Sunday, he purchases the ingredients, prepares, cooks and serves them and does all the clearing away and you will enjoy the rest from cooking.

jaylucy Mon 18-Mar-19 10:44:16

Quite frankly, your husband sounds like a grumpy old *!!!
There are some men that whatever you do, you can't please them.
Sounds like he is one of those men that likes his routine, and gets stroppy when it's spoilt for any reason but I don't understand why you think you are being punished just because he reckoned that nothing was right with his main course? If he sulks on a regular basis like this, I suggest you point him in the direction of the kitchen and tell him that you won't cook him a nice dinner on a Sunday unless he either takes you out for lunch or he cooks it himself as he didn't appreciate the last meal you went to so much trouble to cook and stop looking to him to approve of things that you do !

muffinthemoo Mon 18-Mar-19 10:45:12

Microwave pasta meal next Sunday.

Tell him you are trying to save on the grocery budget.

No point wasting effort and food on someone determined to be a pain in the backside about it.

Coconut Mon 18-Mar-19 10:46:51

Even the best of cooks has the occasional disaster and most just laugh it off. As others have said, stop trying to please him, be yourself and take control. If he wants to sulk or huff n puff, let him, get your coat on and go have coffee with your girlfriends. Controlling, bullying etc are harsh words however, it’s sometimes indirect and takes over slowly but surely. As you rightly say, there are so many other awful things happening n the world today, but you can take control of your own happiness and peace of mind and that does not mean treading on eggshells with an old grump who seriously needs to get over himself.

sarahcyn Mon 18-Mar-19 10:47:42

DEFINITELY his turn to cook next Sunday.

Bekind Mon 18-Mar-19 10:49:59

Next time you could just tell him with a sweet smile on your face, "I'm so sorry your meal is terrible!" as you are dumping it into the trash! Then turn up Leonard! smile

loltara Mon 18-Mar-19 10:50:06

Buy him a cookery lesson course for his birthday. Read the Freedom Program online and you will learn all the characteristics of domestic abuse.

nipsmum Mon 18-Mar-19 10:55:18

Reading this thread makes me so glad I no longer have an obnoxious ungrateful male living with me.

Margs Mon 18-Mar-19 10:55:56

Microwave meals for one. With baked beans. No pudding.

Serves him right, whinging git!

annab275 Mon 18-Mar-19 10:56:10

Sulky people are best ignored - it took me a long time to learn this. The more you please yourself than others who don’t appreciate you, the better and the more appreciative they become. It’s time to turn the tables - I guarantee it will be very liberating!

breeze Mon 18-Mar-19 10:57:26

Nothing like a bit of Leonard Cohen to improve a mood. May I suggest next time he criticises your culinary skills you listen to The Ying Tong Song grin

Jane43 Mon 18-Mar-19 10:58:24

How frustrating for you. My thoughts:

Why don’t you suggest taking turns to cook the Sunday lunch? My DH has now taken over the Sunday lunch cooking, although we usually have it in the early evening, enjoys it and is better at it than me. We take it in turns in the week but sometimes have different meals and cook our own.

How does he like his steak cooked? If he likes it well done it will tend to be tough.

John Wayne? Just out of interest how old is he? Surely there are much better films to watch these days.

breeze Mon 18-Mar-19 10:59:57

Here ya go

Catlover123 Mon 18-Mar-19 11:00:13

he would have been wearing that steak as a face mask if it had been me! my husband would never be so rude to complain about everything. I would have asked him if he needed new teeth!

Quickdraw Mon 18-Mar-19 11:00:23

If he doesn't like your cooking don't cook for him. He sounds rude and ungrateful and I'm sorry but that does not balance out with "kind and loving" sometimes angry

lilihu Mon 18-Mar-19 11:00:37

Oh dear, I feel your miffedness!! (Yes, I invented that term). I would feel the same. I hope this was just a one off and not a pattern of rude behaviour. Anyone who has cooked a meal like the one you describe knows how much effort goes into it. The effort alone deserves praise and thanks!
I can’t remember when we last had a roast lunch, special cooked lunch or even two courses! When we were first married both of us had a go at “Sunday Lunch”. We both decided it took far too long, was too much to eat, and we preferred lighter meals. We eat normally each day, light lunch, hot evening meal. The only time we manage a pudding is if we’ve had a very light evening meal. We take it in turns to cook and clear up.
We all have our different routines, but it sounds like you need a change in yours. Maybe have a quiet chat when he’s in a more cheery mood. Explain that you no longer intend to spend wasted time and effort on cooking a meal that disappoints him. Ask him for suggestions or offer him the chance to cook if he wants an expensive or elaborate meal. Maybe this will make him rethink his attitude?

Craftycat Mon 18-Mar-19 11:04:26

Not a problem. Obviously he will want to take you out for dinner next Sunday as he doesn't like your cooking.
I gave up on Sunday lunches years ago- we eat in evening now but not usually a big meal.
I hope he enjoys The Help cake- love that scene in the film & book.

Hollydoilly10 Mon 18-Mar-19 11:05:39

Why are you putting up with his mental abuse— yes that’s what it is. He’s blooming lucky to get his meal cooked at all.
If I were you I’d stop cooking for him till he apologises for his dreadful behaviour
If he were a friend would you still keep the friendship

Fernbergien Mon 18-Mar-19 11:06:56

Very interesting what you have to say. I am known to be a good cook - I don’t mean elaborate meals but some years back had friends round and he said carrots not done enough at the table . He did it again when family round and son was furious as there was nothing wrong and the made a point of eating all up. He can’t boil an egg!!! I think it is a put down technique.

Rmegan Mon 18-Mar-19 11:10:14

It sounds as though you are married to my ex husband 😂 I used to do the very same spend hours in the kitchen cooking Sunday lunch that was never as good as his mums and always adding tomato ketchup. One Sunday totally fed up with this I asked him why he added the ketchup after I’d spent so long cooking he said “to add some flavour”. I had had enough I got up calmly walked to his side of the table told him that I knew exactly what would give it more flavour and shoved his head into it and never cooked a dinner again.

BTW he was a John Wayne fanatic too we even had an awful statue of him stood on the windowsill in the loo 🤮

Ramblingrose22 Mon 18-Mar-19 11:10:43

Hilmix - was the Sunday lunch the first time he complained or does he complain about other meals you cook?
Is he complaining about lots of other things as well, because it could be that there is something else going on.
If the complaints are all about and only about your cooking then let him know that he'll have to cook main meals in future. If he says he doesn't know how to, then send him on a cookery course (though you can't force him to attend!).
Cook what you enjoy eating, don't pander to him and tell him that if he doesn't like it he can cook his own meals in future.
I think you'll find that the complaints suddenly stop!

Fernbergien Mon 18-Mar-19 11:11:24

I meant son made a point of eating all the carrots.

Willow10 Mon 18-Mar-19 11:11:46

Hilmix 😁

I have never - and never would, criticise a meal that anyone had cooked for me, no matter what it was like. (Unless I'm paying for it of course!) How rude! If my meals were criticized I'd just say ' Well, you know where the kitchen is. If you don't like it, do it yourself!' Thank goodness I'm captain of my own ship and don't have to put up with that sort of thing any more.