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Sunday lunch today

(129 Posts)
Hilmix Sun 17-Mar-19 15:43:38

Today I set about lunch early In an effort to please my husband
We were having rump steak, garlic stuffed mushrooms, tenderstem broccoli, carrots (as ever,) with onion gravy and my husband's favourite, roasties. I had asked if he is would like sweet potato wedges instead with the steak but he said 'no'.
After sitting down to it, he pronounced the steak to be tough ( it wasn't) I showed how it had the required amount of kindness through the middle so he then blamed his knife .
I offered to swap with my piece but he said there was no point in us both having tough steak
Then the broccoli was hard. Followed by a sulk when I mentioned that most veg tastes better when it isn't reduced to slop. Hush my mouth...
He pronounced the meal ok but enthused over the shop bought sticky toffee pudding and squirty cream we had for pudding.
I am now in my room trying to calm my thoughts. I think the time has come to insist on simple lunches on Sunday, no more the hours spent trying to please. I feel bad to be so upset considering the terrible things happening in the world just now but I feel totally useless...
PS I spent the morning listening to Leonard Cohen whilst preparing lunch when our usual scenario is for husband to watch John Wayne saving the Wild West or winning WW2 single-handed. Maybe me having my choice meant I had to be punished. Who knows?

Hilmix Sun 17-Mar-19 15:46:05

P inkness not kindness☺

Granmary18 Sun 17-Mar-19 15:55:02

Dear me. He is being thoughtless and rude ...but having said that none of this makes you useless. Tough steak...just say "Oh dear, mine isn't!" Hard broccolli...just say "Oh dear! Mine isn't!" Meal ok ..."That's good!"

And yes ...simple lunches seems a good way forward...unless he would like to take turns at the cooking of them, when he can ofcourse cook what he likes!

Yes you should stop trying to please but I suspect you are in a pattern of that in your marriage and he will expect you to continue! Expect sulking!

You must have good taste listening to Leonard Cohen ...brilliant!

Chewbacca Sun 17-Mar-19 16:02:57

I'm afraid that I'd be serving up a " grab a meal from the freezer, jab a fork in the top, bung it in the microwave and ding ding it for 3 minutes" meal, after all that Hilmix.

If he can't be bothered being polite; I'm damned sure I couldn't be bothered going the extra mile to please him from now on.

Ilovecheese Sun 17-Mar-19 16:08:45

Agree with Chewbacca If you would like a home cooked Sunday dinner then cook one for yourself and give him a ready meal. If you would just like a simple snack then make one for yourself and give him a ready meal.

Tell him that as he enjoys ready prepared food from the supermarket more than he enjoys your cooking you have decided to do him a favour and stop cooking for him.

Poppyred Sun 17-Mar-19 16:39:41

Yes, ready meals for a week should do it! 😂😂

NanaandGrampy Sun 17-Mar-19 16:56:24

Crikey - how was it that you dint clock him over his head with the gravy boat ;-) ???

It sounds like he was just looking to find fault. I am totally with granmary don't rise to the bait and suggest you take turns cooking going forward... I speak from experience.... Grampy is currently slaving over a hot stove preparing roast pork !!!

He prefers meat and 2 veg, I don't so Sundays are now his territory in the kitchen. Makes us both happy !

fiorentina51 Sun 17-Mar-19 17:09:08

My OH is also slaving over a hot stove. I appreciate anything he cooks for me as did he when I was chief cook.
How unkind of your husband to pick fault.
Other posters have offered some good advice....good luck. 💐

Hilmix Sun 17-Mar-19 19:19:55

Thanks for the replies, Gransnetters. Yes, he can be very thoughtless and rude when he's not being kind and loving. No half measures with him !
I will try a ready meal next Sunday, less washing up anyway.I could offset this by baking a cake using the recipe from the film The Help ........😈😋

grannylyn65 Sun 17-Mar-19 19:23:59

I know just what you mean by The Help! Do the rest of you know! 🤮

aggie Sun 17-Mar-19 19:24:05

This is so sad , I feel he is a bully

Farmor15 Sun 17-Mar-19 20:00:45

My OH thinks he is a brilliant cook and either didn’t praise or found fault with my cooking. I just ignored mostly, but occasionally told him how much time and trouble I had taken. More recently he does sometimes comment that the dinner was tasty. Not sure why he changed, but seems to find cooking himself more of an effort these days.

As others have said, cook to please yourself, not him.

NanKate Sun 17-Mar-19 20:18:00

Hilmix at the beginning of your thread you said ‘In an effort to please my husband’ which set off alarm bells in my head. Also ‘maybe me having my choice meant I had to be punished’. May I ask is he controlling ?

It is understandable that you wanted to cook a nice meal but why does your husband need to be pandered too ?

Perhaps I am asking questions you won’t want to answer, but this thread in my mind is far more about how your husband treats you than what you had to eat today.

I hope I haven’t overstepped the mark but I think your DH needs standing up to. He sounds a bully to me.

aggie Sun 17-Mar-19 20:20:52

Yes definitely alarm bells heard xx please take care of yourself and please yourself

Lily65 Sun 17-Mar-19 20:26:51

Your opening sentence says it all. My life is far from perfect but that's not on.

Lily65 Sun 17-Mar-19 20:27:56

Times have moved on, go for a walk eat cheese on toast.

Jane10 Sun 17-Mar-19 20:57:52

Suggest that he take you out for Sunday lunch next week as he's apparently not enjoyed the one you kindly made.

lemongrove Sun 17-Mar-19 21:12:18

We had pizzas today 😄
The question is, does your DH always complain about meals, or rarely?
Steak can be tough sometimes, even expensive meat.
I prefer soft broccoli and carrots too!

Hilmix Sun 17-Mar-19 22:40:56

Plenty to think about here ! I do need to stand up for myself more . The Sunday lunch may have met its end. Roll on macaroni cheese,baked potato .... or meals that can be zapped. I'm done.

SpringyChicken Sun 17-Mar-19 22:57:33

Maybe it's your husband's turn to cook the meal and he can see for himself how easy it is.

NanKate Mon 18-Mar-19 06:41:21

Well done Hilmix now is the time to stand up for yourself.

Liz46 Mon 18-Mar-19 06:48:10

Now that we are both retired my husband and I take it in turn to cook. The one who hasn't cooked does the clearing up afterwards. It works for us.

I am not surprised that you were 'miffed'. Time to make changes perhaps?

Anja Mon 18-Mar-19 07:28:11

Yes, definitely a week of ready meals!

KatyK Mon 18-Mar-19 09:13:15

I can't remember the last time I cooked a roast dinner. Too much of a palarver.

B9exchange Mon 18-Mar-19 09:37:50

Last Sunday was a big birthday for me. DH does half the cooking in our house, but gallantly says I am the better cook. He laid on a roast sunday lunch for 13, roast chicken and roast beef, with all the trimmings. The AC set the table and helped him dish out, but it was all perfectly cooked and hot, I was so proud of him.

If I do mess up, he might gently say something, but it would have to be a bad mistake, and obviously justified, and I would reluctantly do the same if he was cooking. No-one likes being criticised, it does rankle. Driving is another issue with us, neither of us can bear the slightest hint of criticism!

If his steak was tough (does happen) and mine wasn't, I would offer to swap, and if that was refused, probably announce 'suit yourself, I did offer'! If he likes his vegetables soggy all the time, I might dish everything up including my veg, and leave his boiling to death whilst serving everything else, putting them on at his plate at the last minute.

I am really hoping your OP was written in exasperation and half in jest, if I really thought he could think of punishing you for listening to Leonard Cohen while you cook, I would be really worried for you?