Future daughter In law

I gave my son and daughter in law a lump sum (not a huge amount) to do what they wanted with it. I wasn’t involved in any of the wedding plans and neither my daughter or I were invited to the hen party. It lasted 5 yrs they are divorced now.
When my daughter married I did exactly the same, they put it towards a house and paid for the wedding themselves. They involved me the from beginning to the end. The only thing I was asked to do was write the names on the place settings as I am good at calligraphy.

Mommie6 I think a sweet smile and simple 'No' should suffice for all future encounters and talk of money or 6000 COOKIES!!

I'm sorry your experience of being a MIL isn't a positive one, I agree with all those that have commented before - respect is a two way thing and needs to be earned ... and I wouldn't be handing over a penny without a little gratitude and understanding of the bigger picture!

Why are you paying anyway? Traditionally it’s the bride’s family who pay with welcome assistance from the groom’s if offered. We paid the lion’s share for each of our daughters. One Mother-in-Law volunteered to make the bride’s dress and we had fun going to try them on to see what suited before she made, and paid, for it. Lists of guests were drawn up meticulously, allowing the same number of guests on each side. Both bridegrooms paid for the church, choirboys, bells, cars, buttonholes, bridesmaid’s presents and corsages for the mothers and we paid for bridesmaids dresses, the reception, flowers in the church, the bridal bouquets. The other bride bought her own dress. It all seemed to work!

Be careful that contributing to your sons wedding does not become a pay to play event
It is their wedding and if you want to contribute do so but let them plan and spend it their way
There are ways of saying you would like to be involved it is your sons wedding as well

The only things you really have a right to know about are the things you're expected to pay for.

If you're not being told about those things, you have the right to say you won't pay for them.

Think I would just give whatever I considered giving as a wedding present whether that be money, gift or 6000 cookies and bags! Is a whole town being supplied with them? Then I would have nothing to do with the wedding. You are being treated with awful disrespect, being ignored and basically being ordered about. A wedding joins two families usually but doesnt't seem to be in this case.

Do what I did, smile grit your teeth then how nc. Involved with son and gc but not dil who is a selfish lying money grabbing madam. We have stopped giving our son any money as she spends it so not giving her any more. If wedding is on need to know basis then I would stick with not knowing, not paying. I would never have treated my in laws the way our dil treats us but then I was brought up to show respect and be polite. Thankfully my son shows her family respect. He is stuck in the middle so we make it as easy as we can by keeping away from her and her lies. I hope it improves for you but sadly I feel you have a clone of my dil so just distance yourself from the negativity

Still no response from the OP, I notice

I do not understand the bit about flowers why would you get them ?

Shame that the OP hasn't responded yet.
Firneds were asked to pay half towards the wedding of their DS and DIL but in the end were only allowed to have one-sixth of the guests so they were basically conned.
They agreed to it because they didn't want to "cause trouble" for the couple. Eight years later the DIL has banned them from seeing their DS and GCs.
This type of family starts as they mean to go on. The DIL's mother is now embarking on her second divorce because her demands weren't being met.......!!!!

Where did OP go?

So you’re all believing this ?

No, I’m not, Bluebelle. The poster has never come back, and I feel a lot of it is very unbelievable. I did post a reply, but felt, even then, that it was sonewhat far fetched shall we say, but gave the poster the benefit of the doubt? Believe it to be so even more now.

Mommie6. Have I misunderstood "the Shower"? Is it a sort of party? Like a baby-shower when people bring the expectant mother presents for her expected baby? We don't usually have these in the UK so I didn't understand. We do have a "Hen Night" but that is usually the Bride and her friends together having a night of fun and usually just for that generation. The Stag Night is the same for the future Bridegroom with all his male friends. I expect you know but I didn't understand the "shower" and thought you were having a wash!!
The other thing is the Processional. We just don't have one. The Groom is already at the altar if it's in Church, or at the desk in the Office, waiting with his Best Man beside him. The Bride comes down the aisle on her father's arm or if there is no father someone she chooses (I had to for my daughters because their father died) following the Bride are the Bride's Maids or if she chooses, Matrons of Honour and/or page boys. The Mother of the Bride sits in the front with all the other people. The Bride's family usually sit to the left as you enter, the Groom's to the right.
When the ceremony is over, the Bride and Groom walk down the aisle together with the Bridesmaids, Page Boys, Maids of Honour (if any) following them and the parents of the Bride and Groom usually file out behind them followed by their family then all friends follow on.
Photographs are usually taken with the couple, the couple and bridesmaids etc., the couple and his parents, the couple and her parents, the couple and both sets of parents and bridesmaids etc., then whatever is decided!
If you have a very different arrangement we need to know. The Mothers' flowers is not a set tradition for me. However at my children's weddings, both I and the other mum respectively were given a bouquet of flowers at the Reception when the speeches were made. I was not expecting it - to me it is not something that "must" be done!

Posted too early. No BlueBelle there's a whiff of make believe about OP's story

Mapleleaf/Bluebelle. (That sounds pretty!)
I'm very puzzled! But I'm willing to give it a bit more rope. I think that the OP might well be from another time zone from the UK so it could be 9 hours behind, let's say, and then she may be at work during the day?
I am prepared to hold on just a might (mite?) longer.
I have realised (see above) that I have totally misunderstood the "Shower" thinking she was having a wash.... I was always a bit too literal... The 6,000 cookies awaits some explanation too. As I said, on an ordinary oven with 2 shelves, cooking two oven loads a day, I would need 21 days. That would mean my oven being unavailable for my own cooking for a while. So 3 weeks every day I would have to get up and make cooky dough and bake. Presumably they would go in the freezer? That isn't the nicest way to eat cookies. Ah well...
Let us see...

When I first read this pis6t thismorning it sounded very far fetched especially the 6000 cookies
I have an American friend who nakes aboit 800 cookies prior yo Christmas each year and that sounds rather gasp making but 6000 well....

Sorry posted too soon . But now after nearly 24 hours since Mommie6 first posted and hasn't come back to reply I think the original post was a wind up. None of it sounds true.

Don't you think this is all true then? ?

I thought that everyone on this thread would be offered left over cookies - perhaps not then

The cookies number must be a typo. If you made 100 a day it would still take 60 days and where in the name of all that's reasonable would you keep them?
So grateful that both DD's weddings were so not like this, with families pitching in and helping where needed. For instance , DD1's MiL is a brilliant flower arranger, I'm hopeless, so she did sterling work on that. The groom did excellent strimming of the path from Church to reception, close by, and no cars needed as the church was across the road from the happy couple's house. Of course, there were some hitches but also lots of laughs and a great day. Feel sorry for OP if genuine.

A bridal shower is similar to a baby shower, except that it's for a bride, not a mum.

A hen night is more of what we would call a bachelorette or stagette party.

I wonder if she's snuggled up in her onesie Disyboots.

There have been a few lately, sales must be up.

sorry - Daisyboots

So rude, I would tell them to Bog off and pay for it themselves if I'm not in the 'Need to know' club!

Then again, I can be a tad bullish!