Do you have many friends?

I have friends that live all over the world, those I met whilst working and living a broad. Although England is my birth country, I have no close friends where I live and after living in friendly Europe, found the English very hard to socialise with. My husband also finds it difficult and so now we rarely go out. It is quite isolating but I do try by joining groups and guilds but after 20 years of moving into the village, I can honestly say I haven't made any friends. However things are getting better as villagers are starting to smile and say hello if they see me. Just have to be here for 30 years before we are considered that we belong,

Nope. Not a one. Don't need them either. Had "friends" when I was younger but as time has gone by I have realised that actually they were fair weather "friends", not the true kind that I've heard of from others!

In my book there are acquaintances,friends of a sort, but as for real friends,my husband is number one everytime and now, sadly following death and illness I have lost my longer standing school made friends.
So I am left with only 2 great chums.
Both were met whilst undergoing cancer treatment almost 30 years ago...........one a wife of a dear man also undergoing treatment,he sadly was the first of our group to die.
His wife and I became real soul mates,a lovely genuine friend that we could share and share.
However she is now in her mid 90`s and very unwell(as am I) so meeting often is not on the cards,however we can `phone or send letters, though again nowadays these are few and far between on her side ......understandably.
The other lady was the the DIL of a lady undergoing treatment and because of my assisting this elderly lady throughout her stay,the DIL took a shine to me and we became good friends.
Again she lives many miles away so we rely mainly on letters and phone calls.
But my dearest friend,my hubby is always within call and we share just about everything.I would be truly lost without him being close by.It works equally both ways.

I feel blessed to have a wonderful group of very supportive friends, there are 8 of us, we've known each other for varying lengths of time some from childhood. We go out for meals, go to see shows (usually musicals as that is one interest we all have in common and how some of us met). We have 'girlie' nights in, which always involve food and drink and once a year we rent a house or cottage and go away for a long weekend - we're due to go in a few weeks time for our 10th holiday. Of the 8 of us 6 are now on our own.

When my late DH was nearing retirement we decided to make a move from where we had spent most of our married life, leaving behind an assortment of friends, one or two really close, that we had known for many years .Somehow it was never the same, what did we expect ?Bearing in mind we all spoke the same language, surprising what a difference three hundred miles can make, consequently there wasn't the bonding and we were never to make the kind of friends we had in previous years. I believe age must play a large part and find myself, even more now without DH, unable to have that special kind of friendship like I did in the past.

Gosh, there are a lot of lonely people out there. When someone posts re loneliness, I think they don’t want to hear how many friends you do have. I should think they are looking for some advice as to what to do about making friends. I’ve offered this advice probably three times now - put your postcode (I’m talking UK here) first part, mine is SK6, and see if you can meet up with someone near you for coffee.

Friends can be a moveable feast - some people dip in and out of my life for longer or shorter periods. I have one good friend from school, we were aged 5 when we met, we don’t always agree (religion!) but we do get on very well with some lovely shared memories. Some colleagues from various work places and a few neighbours have become friends.

On balance, I do rather identify with this photo ..... !

Anniebach, I do feel sad that you and your sisters are estranged. I've no idea why and not for me to question but they may be missing you too and too proud to admit it. One of you needs to make the first move. Life's to short. I have a sister who lives a 3 hour drive away and don't see very often but she's been with me through thick and thin. We talk on the phone have a laugh really at each others constant mishaps and life's stresses, then all seems much better. She is my best friend. Wouldn't it be lovely to be able to do the same with your sisters. I'll wave a magic wand for you I also have one other close best friend who I've known since starting school 60 years ago. We can tell each other anything and we've been there for each other through the good times and the bad. I have lots of other friends who I've known for years, but none so close. NannyOrGranny I have been volunteering at an elderly residential home for nearly 5 years and have been and still am blessed to have made such lovely friends there and some real characters. We play dominoes and chat and I would really recommend volunteering of some kind.

My close friend who lived nearby and I could ring her up to go out shopping or a coffee has died. My other friend lives the other side of the country and we meet about once a year. Other than that I know plenty of people who I stop and chat with and sometimes enjoy a coffee if we meet when we are out. Other than that I also lucky to have my husband as my best friend and I am happy as I am.

I lost my DH 10 years ago last October so I have had to make anew life for myself. Now I am lucky to have se real friends in different ‘groups’ .I still see some former colleagues from teaching days .Some of them I meet for coffee /lunch and also see some at U3A meetings.Another group are people I met when volunteering at a group supporting parents and careers of Autistic children - now sadly closed and some I met at church several years ago . I no longer go there on my own, but do see one couple fairly often to go out for a coffee.
It’s taken a long time to meet all these people and I still miss having someone at home to share outings,,holidays and just daily life.I really miss having some male company to go out with ,in spite of my ‘wide circle of friends ‘ (as my daughter calls it)who are all female.

that should read ‘several’.

Forgot to mention my very best friend who,lives 100 miles away.I don’t see her and her husband often, but it feels just like yesterday when I do.We have known each other for almost 50 years .I met her in North London soon after I began teaching in that area. We are more like sisters which is great,because neither of us has any siblings.

I have lifelong friends from school I've always seen regularly,the longest being 65years ago from nursery school.Several from 60 years ago,at school and a couple from my 20s .They all mean the world to me and are like extra family.I have also made a couple in more recent years, one very good one from Gransnet, who I really enjoy seeing regularly. I don't live near family and don't drive , so I appreciate my friends so much .

Hello Granless,what a good idea.I never knew what loneliness meant. DN20

Lots of people have large groups of friends , but I'd rather have one or two 'proper' good friends

Hi mumskimumski - have sent a pm to you regarding this subject.

Good Idea Granless I recently moved to Woolwich from Cornwall to help bring up my first grandchild SE28

Up until about the last ten years, I had plenty of friends, we socialised a lot, and always had a house full of people.

We’ve had several couples move away, one abroad, sadly a couple have died, one of my dearest friends, I had a falling out with over something stupid, but there’s no going back from it, I miss her all the time. I’m now down to one very good friend and a handful of b list friends! But actually that’s fine now, because I’ve become fonder of my peace and quiet as I’ve gotten older

I’ve also been married for over 40 years, so as long as I’m married, I’ll always have another best friend

Grany
That must have been a culture shock: Cornwall - Woolwich.
I lived there from 1946- 1966.

petra Did you live in Cornwall or Woolwich? I am getting used to being here as a good bus service and trains. I used to live in a village in the countryside, though there was not many busses. I have my freedom Pass London means free bus, train travel within London. We have Cross Rail opening fairly soon here.

Looking forward to a cultural district opening here next year making use of old buildings in the Royal Arsenal. Some of the buildings have already been turned into very nice posh pubs eateries.

Very few real friends sadly so many have died in the past few years . How I wish I had siblings especially my twin sister who was stillborn . My life would have been so different .

silverlining You said it for me

Overall, I don't make friends easily - I have lots of acquaintances but don't really like the company of a lot of women

On another thread I mentioned that I was a 'sociable loner' - I can get on with all manner of people and do,
but close friends? No, not really.

I've got a few close friends and lots of acquaintances. I was part of a foursome at school and am still in touch, we meet about once a year and sometimes message.

I think it's hard to make friends as you get older, people settle into what they know, they don't have space or time or the energy for new relationships.

I think England (as opposed to the wider UK) is problematic, people are quite closed and you never quite know what they are thinking. I grew up in an Irish family and have the Irish way of being willing to talk to anyone about anything. I've noticed that English people find this difficult. I love being with Americans and Australians/New Zealanders because they have the same outgoing way as me.

I go to lots of groups, WI, U3A, cycling, walking, yoga, skittles, art but even so, I do feel lonely quite a lot of the time even though I also sometimes like to spend time by myself. I've got a silent husband who tends to shut himself away with his own things or activities. Perhaps that's why I feel lonely, they do say that a lonely marriage is worse than being on your own. That might be true.

I try to stay positive and be kind. Thanks for starting this thread, it's an interesting read.

2017 was a year when I lost much, my sisters stopped speaking to me, a close friend developed a serious illness , another retired and moved away. I moved house and didn’t know anyone in this part of town, my darling daughter who was my dearest friend died. Suddenly I was alone . Still am.

Annie, that’s really sad, is there no way forward with your sisters?