Is it over or just a blip?

Oh unwanted so glad to read your post, sounds like you have cleared some of the bad feelings away. Just like to add that screaming and shouting over a problem is not all its cracked up to be. Its not something I can do I am much more like you but I have friends who have gone down the route of screaming over a problem and stuff can get said that can never be unsaid and that can be a huge problem.
We are all different and it takes time to understand ourselves, decades in my case. Work with what you are and what you and your DH can cope with and do not give up on finding like minded folks you can talk too. Its taken me years to understand that just talking face to face to a half decent person without any axes to grind can be hugely helpful.
You are both coping with a really difficult loss...she is gone but not and you will always love her and want her back so that will always be in a state of grief. Some people find keeping a journal really helpful - you can write down how you feel, no one else needs to see it. I found it helpful to write letters in a similar position (they were never posted), but it did help. All the very best.

Unwanted, my heart goes out to you and DH. Losing your DD this way must be very painful. It sounds as if her partner and his family are very controlling and have taken over. Very sad, but so is the fact that she let them. Hugs!

I'm glad you spoke to DH about how you feel. Still, I agree with those who say this was about more than a Bank Holiday and that you would benefit from some counseling. Maybe you and DH both need to go to Relate. Please give it some thought.

I also get fed up sometimes I have Menieres which makes it difficult to go out and about by myself, but it’s not my husbands fault, he just has low energy after working he just wants to chill out at home, have a nap, watch the footy or a film and I understand that, he would take me out if I asked even though it’s just a quick shop and home again.
You can’t blame your husband because you are fed up, get out there girl, use your bus pass, go to the cinema, visit. a Museum, have your hair/nails done. And talk to your husband tell him what you would like. Have a date night with your husband once a month. Smile.

If you can think of ways you would like to use a car, and you can afford it, it wouldn't be a waste.
It would be something to help you.

There are doers and there are talkers. The talkers keep on talking and this goes on and on for weeks and years. A doer actually does something. You seem to be seeking permission to do something..why? Dont seek permission, just do it... do something!! If not you will keep on talking and, talking. You owe it to yourself to do whatever you chose. The first thing is to tell him you want to talk and tell him straight how you feel but not in a way which seems you are seeking his approval... just tell him how you feel, that's it. You are not asking if he agrees you are telling him about YOURSELF. He may surprise you and say that he wants to change and do more. But... dont see him as a crutch, try to be your own person. You will gain more.

I find it really hard to talk to people as l never know what to say, l have always been shy and that hasn't gotten any better with age

Whether it's feelings, opinions or anger, I believe that your inability to say what you mean and to tell others what you want, is at the root of all your problems.

When someone can't express themselves, they end up frustrated as they are constantly faced with misunderstandings and unintended outcomes.

Grief turned inward can also be very damaging if it has no outlet or release. Your daughter's behavior seems unconscionable and cruel.....that is likely the root of your depression, worsened by the inability to express your grief or to resolve it more productively.

You need to seek professional counseling in two areas: Someone (communications expert) who can show you how to communicate more assertively with strategies for getting your point across. Most importantly, a competent therapist to treat your depression and social anxiety. All of the above will help you to engage others and overcome your loneliness.

RE: Moving far away.....A change of address likely won't make a difference because you are the one who needs to change

Hi

It has been a while since l last posted and since l posted this things have improved with OH and it probably was just a blip after everything else that has happened over the last 6 nearly 7 years.

We are planning a trip away (a sort of gap year) so we can have time for ourselves and work out our next step .

I just wanted to thank everyone for their replies.

Unwanted that's good to hear, and thank you for coming back with an update!

I wish you luck, Unwanted.
At the age of 60 and suffering from agoraphobia, I packed a few things and left my husband. Things had become intolerable and talking to him was useless.
Now, life is so much better and my problem has improved since I'm away from the stress that caused it.

ladymuck sometimes you just have to take the plunge and that is what we are doing with this trip. Good luck

Unwanted … How nice of you to think of coming back with your updated news, and what positive news it is too!

I sincerely hope your gap year goes well for you both.

Do give us the edited highlights, if you have the time!!

So glad to hear things are getting better for you Unwanted hope you enjoy the time with your husband. Good luck.