Why does he do it?

Flaming rude ! Where does he go to . . . Has he another family ?

What was his mother like? Did she 'manage' him and his father? My ex was similar. He got extremely shirty if I asked him when he would be back and I realised eventually that this went back to his teenage years when his mother was unnecessarily fussy about him and his social life. It also explained why he didn't like women 'managing' him at work. He has been my ex for many years.

Tillybelle ... thank you so much for your kind words. Yes, I have been thro the mill a bit with my choices in men and have learned a few lessons along the way. I’ve not let any of it make me cynical, just very realistic. I have 2 lovely sons who treat their wives with so much love and respect, as they saw how badly I was treated. And my DD also has a good kind man too, so my 3 have all been very lucky in love even if I haven’t ! I just hate unfairness and to see people being abused by others who supposedly love them. ?

A good question indeed - but perhaps another even more important one is: 'why do you put up with it?'.

Anno- was talking to DD1 when last in the UK, and she said she guessed that is the reason why some men can't cope with women managing them (as she is, of a large number of mainly men) - mostly Public School Boys with mothers who never worked.

Annodomini maybe his mother was unnecessarily fussy because he was unnecessarily secretive. There are two sides to every equation.

Showing H the comments you receive would no doubt fall on stony ground.You are married to 'one' who is only concerned with number 'one' so ask yourself what is the worst can happen should you let him carry on with his self imposed detachment ie ' that you don't appear to exist and he can come and go with out consideration to your feelings and not giving a you might be concerned should he be late coming home'. ?Let him go, don't ask him anything. Silence is golden and hopefully curiosity will eventually get the better of him, and he will not need any asking but will be wondering as to your apparent lack of interest.
Why sit at home worrying where he is ? He is not concerned about your feelings so play him at his own game .

jura, really? Public School Boys with mothers who never worked. DH fits that category entirely, as do my sons. What a huge judgmental leap to make.

Not giving a **you might be concerned etc .

He sounds selfish and rude to say the least. Is he really playing golf or up to something else?

To be honest if I had a husband who went away like this and didn't take his phone I would immediately suspect him of infidelity, tax him with it and then say that it was up to him to prove otherwise.

Since all the evidence you have, him leaving the house without telling you, going away without his phone in any other circumstance would be interepeted as infidelity. And he should be able to see where that was taking you.

In our household, whether it had children, adults teenagers or be of any mix, someone leaving the house lets others know they are going. roughly where they will be and when they will be back.

It might be as simple as I am off to [nearby town] to shop, I will be back for lunch, or even, as DH still works and travels, I am off to Denmark, I will be back tomorrow evening. But anyone walking out of the house without going through this basic safety procedure, would get a rocket when they returned.

How very uncaring and inconsiderate. My dear late husband used to say goodbye before he went to work and brought me a cup of tea. What a miserable so and so. Perhaps give him a taste of his own medicine.

I wouldn't show your OH any of these comments, but would read them carefully and use the wisdom here to resolve this situation to your satisfaction. It occurs to me that he is the kind of man who would be angry to think you had discussed this with anyone.

Decide how you would like things to change and then make it happen. The choice is then up to you when you see his reaction. Good luck.

You could check his stuff/car/garage for a second phone.

He loves you so much he can't bear to say goodbye, ever. Well it might be true!

I share BlueBelle'sthoughts on this.

His behaviour is inexcusable.

What a cold fish he seems.

I can only think that your relationship does not run on love and affection for a man to behave in such a way towards his partner/wife. He lacks consideration, feeling and decency when he departs without a goodbye or peck on the cheek.

I know all relationships are different but I don't think the love would last long if my OH behaved so indifferently and rudely towards me.

I think you are incredible in putting up with this GrandmaKT. No discussions/blazing rows regarding his behaviour?

next time he phones you ask who is this?
Or on return dont offer drink etc as you didnt realise he was there.

He's inconsiderate

Why does he do it?
Indeed.
The answer seems to be, because he knows it annoys you, and he does it deliberately..
It is only a small thing to ask someone to shout out goodbye, as they leave, but he has persistently refused to do this small thing for you, throughout your marriage. You describe him as kind, considerate, does anything for anyone, good father, active , intelligent; all this is for the benefit of others benefits, but not you.
I don't think you would have posted if it didn't concern you, quite a lot, and I think you are trying to make light of it now, when really it is an important issue. It is unkind.
The only thing I can suggest is that every time he goes out without letting you know, you phone where he is supposed to be, 'to check if he is there because you don't know where he is and you wonder if he has had an accident.' It will make him look foolish if you do it often enough, but it will also humiliate you, and probably he will stop telling you where he is going.
Is he worth it?

I'm sorry but I feel there is more going on here .. ♡
.

After one of the teachers in my children's school dropped dead in the classroom one morning my husband and I made a deal never to leave each other's company without at least a hug or kiss, it made us realise that you never know when you might be seeing someone for the last time.

Two weeks ago I arrived to visit my mother and found she had passed away totally unexpectedly, I can't describe what a shock it was and I am so sad that we didn't have a chance to say goodbye at the end, however I know that she treasured the fact that we always hugged when meeting and leaving each other.

Tell your husband to stop being such a self-centred sod and plant a kiss on him every time you leave home, life should be valued and relationships treasured.

Are you sure he's actually golfing? I'd be wondering if he was having an affair!

This is really odd. Why does he think it’s OK to treat you like this? Why don’t you go out at the same time and get home after him, just to see his reaction.

I am sorry to say that I would not poke up with this ignorant man. We would have the biggest row possible with a few home truths thrown in. Please sort him out for your own sanity or get rid.

I think the fact that you have asked for other people's views means you are upset by this behaviour perhaps more than your post suggests.The only person who can answer your question is your husband but I think somewhere in the answers you have received lies the truth.He may simply be thoughtless rude and inconsiderate or wanting to hide his real activities from you.I write as the wife of a man who has done the same over 40 years of marriage.He worked late,went to 3 day conferences but never communicated with me or phoned to tell me when he would be home.I could write a long catalogue of grievances over the years.Most recently he always walks ahead of me when we are out as if trying to shake me off and has ignored me when I was on the point of collapse with illness while out walking on holiday.When I confront him with what he has done he denies it and accuses me of exaggerating.As I write I am contemplating leaving him as I know out marriage is over but he will not let me go.I googled his behaviour patterns and Passive Aggressive personality consistently comes up.I think what I am trying to say is that regardless of why an OH behaves in an unacceptable way it is how we deal with it that is important.You must confront your husband and show him all the replies to your post.Does he behave unkindly or manipulate you in any other ways?

Kitty 'Public School Boys with mothers who never worked. DH fits that category entirely, as do my sons. What a huge judgmental leap to make'

never made the generalisation that all with the above criteria are the same- just that many DD1 works with are. I am hugely grateful that MIL always worked and expected both sons and daughter to help around the place, cook, do their own ironing and mending, etc.