Why does he do it?

... and mainly Public School boarders, not day students.

It was when my ex H went out to work one morning, and didn't come home for 3 days, without telling me where he was or when he'd be back, that I knew our marriage was finally over.

It was rude, bad mannered and inconsiderate behaviour, no matter where he'd gone, or who with or what for, and I wasn't prepared to tolerate it. I was done with it. My only regret is that I did tolerate it for far longer than I should have.

I have never heard of a marriage like that. I think I might rather like it.

Chewbacca well done....

He is rude. Selfish and obviously has no regard for you whatso ever. You appear to be accepting the situation and obviously want to see the good in him....that's for you to decide if the 'good'outweighs the bad, but in my eyes , his actions are intolerable.

Neither of us ever goes out without kissing the other goodbye - even if it's only to the local shops!

If he leaves for an weekend again without saying good by I'd go away somewhere and only be back after he was back. And go out without a phone? Don't put up with this OP. Do you also have this freedom of being uncontactable over an entire weekend?

Mine used to do this frequently. Once I started doing the same and not taking my phone he suddenly got better at saying cheerio!
Try it!

jura2 you have a real 'thing' about public school education What old fashioned language. They haven't been called public school for decades.

I found that the worst men to have working for me were working class men, one of whom said to me. 'I bet when you get home, your husband makes it clear who is in charge.'

Are you angry enough to do the same to him? Pack a bag and stay with a friend and don't tell him. It is the only way he will understand how you feel. Some men hit out physically if they are annoyed with their wife; some sulk; some disappear for days and some just leave the house as yours does without any explanation or goodbye. It would teach him a lesson if you do the same. Perhaps that is what he wants: a challenge. You are not a slave in bondage. That is not what marriage is about. Nor is it about spending time with his friends and leaving you alone without giving you notice.

Please do not let it continue. You are making a rod for your own back. Join a club, do anything rather than stay at home.

Monica I agree, they can sometimes be more resentful of women’s progress

jura2: mea maxima culpa, I boarded at a public school when that is what they are called, but my mother ran her own business. In those dim and distant days, lots of middle class mothers did not work, whether their children were publicly educated or not.

These generalisations really are not very helpful.

But a lot did work. My mother did. My father was an army officer, but wherever we were posted my mother worked as a teacher or in an office. Quite a few of her contemporaries did much the same. My best friends mother also worked, she was a nurse and worked in the local GP's surgery and I can think of others.

Like the cliche that only middle class women didn't work, the other cliche is that middle class women certainly didn't work. Many who didn't work for money worked quite seriously and almost full time in senior positions in voluntary organisations.

As you say, grumppa generalisations are not very helpful.