Why does he do it?

I'm with other posters on this. Go away for a few days without telling him and either leave your phone behind or turn it off and see how he likes it.

It looks to me as if he's been allowed to get away with it for so long it's become normal. He needs a bloody good shake!

If he has always done this maybe he is slightly on the autistic spectrum ? Neuroatypicals can be oblivious to the basic communication that oils the wheels of communication.

My husband used to this all the time. I'd hear the front door close and he'd disappear sometimes for hours. When I told him that I thought it was odd, he said he didn't want to disturb me as he thought I was asleep! Utter nonsense. Since he's had a phone, he does it less often but I think this is something that needs to be discussed as it certainly causes a degree of emotional insecurity in the relationship.

Going off without a Goodbye or I'm away is downright rude. Presuming you known which golf course he plays on I wouldn't be annoyed at him not taking his phone. There will be staff you can contact in an emergency and for years and years we all managed without a mobile phone. So 50/50 for and against on this one.

Oh I think this is horrible. I don't think I'd like to be married to someone who deliberately made a point of going off without saying goodbye and deliberately made a point of leaving their phone behind so I couldn't contact them. I think I'd find myself wondering if they really were going where they claimed to be going. But even if there was no such suspicion I'd find this incredibly hostile, never mind rude.

Sounds a bit suspect to me . If he doesn't say goodbye he doesn't have to feel guilty .

*You could hide his keys before he goes out, then he would have to talk to you ?
*Ask him out right if he is having an affair, otherwise why wouldn’t he take his phone
* Ask him how he would feel if you never saw each other again as one of you dies when he leaves without a goodbye.
The man is insensitive and rude

GrandmaKT. I am so sorry, such lack of communication can feel desperately lonely and painful. There could be any number of reasons why he does it, some completely innocent and possibly open to adjustment. Without knowing him well I can't really suggest reasons because it leads to misunderstandings if one suggests different reasons in a forum such as this. I do understand the pain it causes you. Does he ignore you in other ways? For example, does he make important decisions that affect you without consulting you? I am assuming you have been together for quite a long time so you have tolerated the emptiness he leaves you with when he does not say goodbye. Is he just eccentric? I think you need to weigh up whether he is making you very unhappy or whether he is just eccentric and you can put up with it although you would prefer him to learn to communicate. It might be worth seeking advice and asking him to come with you.
I wonder if a message on the door might remind him? It is important that we know where each other has gone. I live alone and often worry that nobody would know if I were in an accident and did not return home.
I am writing my life story. Much of it is painful but getting it out and on paper is helpful to me. I have just written about the time when my first child was about three weeks old. The birth and been terrible with the midwife giving her up as dead and my nearly dying. That night she had screamed for a long time then became limp and looked so pale you could see the blood vessels through her skin. It was a Saturday morning. I said to my husband, "We must take her to the Doctor!" He went downstairs while I got her ready. I heard him start the car and went down. As I reached the back door, he drove the car away up the road. He went to a hockey match.

Coconut
I like your comment:
Any relationship should consist of equal respect and consideration
Reciprocation is a strong thing in a relationship, and knowing where each other is and how how long they are likely to be away is a simple act of consideration for each other. It could be a life saver.
I am moved to learn, Coconut that you have been through two abusive marriages. I am so glad you survived to share your insights and wisdom with us here, I have noticed many times how helpful your remarks are - to me as well as the OP concerned. Thank you.

Oh God that's awful Grandma KT, I'd go as far as to say unforgivable going off for the weekend without any goodbyes. I'm married to a golfer and I have to say he always says goodbye even if it means coming up two flights of stairs to do so. Maybe your husband has some subliminal guilt about over indulging his sporting pursuits.

I do think you need to have a frank discussion about it, Being out of touch has the potential to be a problem if something unexpected occurred.

I wish you luck in trying to sort things out.

GrandmaKT. I need to confess! I did not react strongly to the mobile phone issue because I am a very bad mobile user myself! I often joke that I failed my mobile exam! Indoors it doesn't get a good signal and I can't hear people talking on it so I keep the land-line. When I go out I repeatedly forget it, leaving it charging upstairs or in another bag or if I take it out I frequently find the battery is dead.

Some of us are just very bad at using mobile phones! It's not deliberate! I'm just stupid where my mobile is concerned!

I suspect that your DH's not saying goodbye has become an old habit and he thinks you know where he is by osmosis. IF I tell you about my family please do not think I am saying your husband is exactly the same! One family member I have, now retired, male, is on the Autistic Spectrum. So-called 'high functioning' in other words quite clever! He lives in a world of his own but is by no means a bad person. Indeed he is the most gentle and benign person I know. But he will go off on his own and when accosted for not telling any of us where he was going always says "I thought you would know I was there." !! Now please do NOT think I am saying your DH has the same condition! My dear relative was not diagnosed until late adulthood but it did help him to understand why he felt "different". I do not have this condition yet I do sometimes do the kind of things people with it do. My children tease me over it. Your husband may be a bit like me! I try never to hurt anyone. But I know I do daft things sometimes - like with the mobile phone!

In my previous message, I suggested putting a sign on the door viz. "Tell DW where you're going and when you'll be back! XXX". That wouldn't upset me. If it upsets him then talk it over and go from there.

With many best wishes for future success with this and may you have lots of happiness!

Someone up thread asks where he is going. Well I know absolutely where he’s gone, normally it’s Morrison’s to buy a few bits for the day. Exciting isn’t it! Sometimes he goes to one of our children’s houses, sometimes to B+Q or the garden centre, sometimes he’s taking my car or his car for its MOT. Although he doesn’t always say goodbye, if I’m upstairs for example, I know perfectly well where he’s going. And as I said before, he’s much better about saying he’s going now. He’ll normally be back in half an hour or so.

The mobile is more annoying, he most certainly hasn’t got two, he barely touches the one he has got. He simply hasn’t moved with the times with regard to mobiles, he always says ‘how on earth did we manage to do anything without them.’ He just doesn’t see the need to be constantly in touch, or for example, the need to decide a meeting time and place by mobile, when before mobiles we arranged things in advance and verbally.

No, he’s not playing away, he’s just a dinosaur!

I do think Grandma KT that he should tell you when he’s leaving if he’s going away for a weekend, mine certainly wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye then. I would advise choosing the most important thing to you and talk to him about that one thing. Don’t hit him with everything all at once. My husband improved because I kept telling him that he should say goodbye even if he was only going to be gone for half an hour.

Good idea to show hubby this thread as it's not so much the going out bit that is problematic, it is more that he knows you may worry, have plans, want to know roughly where he is going or when he is expecting to be back and able to contact him or leave a message, especially if an emergency cropped up. I think after you told him it upset you he could've shown you a little more consideration, and dare I say some courtesy too! My better half knows I never phone unless it's important, so would not leave his phone at home. He he doesn't always tell me exactly where he is going but will at least say "see you later" or "I'll only be 2-3 hours" etc - if working/out pricing jobs will tell me roughly what area so I can message him if customers/potential customers nearby could save him a trip. He knows I'm stuck here so not going anywhere but he wouldn't intentionally bugger off knowing it would cause stress and worrying would upset me. Hopefully your husband will be a little more considerate in future and learn to at least take his phone with him.

ReadyMeals
I understand your distress at the horrible behaviour, but I'm not sure about your interpretation that the OP's DH:
deliberately made a point of leaving their phone behind so I couldn't contact them
Has he said he doesn't want her to contact hime? I understand that when playing Golf no mobile phones are allowed to interrupt the players, maybe that is what he is saying. But I think we might be jumping to sinister conclusions too quickly. Because we would never go away without saying goodbye we assume if another does so they must be up to something bad. But he might be one of a small group of people who are so wrapped up in what they are doing - packing, thinking of the route... - they don't feel the detachment from their loved one that going away makes us feel. They may feel as if they are always part of them. I know it is very unusual but I simply think we do not know this man's motives and so we need to keep an open mind.

It is worth him knowing how it looks - that your interpretation is valid - that he is avoiding his wife. He might say that it is not that at all. I think the OP has to have a good discussion with him and maybe use this thread to provide the points for discussion.

Tillybelle the H leaving his phone behind so that she can't contact him was what the OP gave us in her post. She knows him better than we do. That's my starting point.

Given the facts as presented, I was saying I couldn't be married to someone like that, regardless of his reasons, not saying she can't or shouldn't make it work for her.

mine has always been a bit like this ,he does take his phone though in case I need to reach him but apart from that I wouldn't have an issue with him coming and going .My OH once went for a walk at 4 pm and came home at 2am ...I knew where he was because he bumped into our daughter in a local pub and his photos were all over FB .I trust him so I know he's not up to no good and he's spent his life tied to schedules and appointments so its good he has some freedom .I know its not how other people think but I dont have a phone because I dont want to be at everyones beck and call on the very odd occassion I go out without him or one of my AC so I get it .Sometimes friends will call here looking for him and ask where he is ,they are without fail taken aback when I tell them I haven't a clue

It's strange that he thinks this is a acceptable but maybe he thinks that as he has already told you hid plans albeit some days/weeks before his departure, its OK for him to just go when he's ready. The solution to this, if he doesn't want to say goodbye, is to leave you a note. Put a pad and pen on the worktop, tell him where it is and ask him to jot down when he leaves and when he'll be back. Also contact number in case of emergencies. If he doesn't comply, he's going through the "selfish bastard phase"of his retirement. Don't give it back with both barrels, just realise he doesn't give a damn. Most relationships are imperfect.. Depends whether you are prepared to stay with him.

If my DH wasnt bothered if we never got to eat together, I would wonder if he even liked me.

OPs marraige sounds more like flatmates who dont get along to me

Whatever the reason is it is rude. I once had a husband who did this. I left him. I think he thought it was cool. More worrying I thought it was cool! How bourgeois to have manners blah blah . oh dear.

I’m going to be blunt - this is totally unacceptable and shows a complete lack of respect for you.
If you have addressed it with him and he continues to behave like this, it is because he knows that he can.
I would be making plans to leave him, and actually do it.

There is an awful lot of over reaction going on here!

'Making plans to leave him', indeed. Have you read the Op's further posts!

If he has always done this even although you objected and with good reason, I am afraid he is not likely to change now.

If this is the only inconsiderate aspect of his behaviour, I imagine you will continue to put up with it.

A lot of people of our generation habitually forget to take their phones with them. I know I do and so does DH, so I don't find that strange.

GrandmaKT, you say he's a good guy and he'd do anything for anyone? Why won't he do this simple thing for you, then, when it'd be no effort? Clearly your comfort and peace of mind come way, way down on his priorities - definitely below these other people you say he helps. Have you told his friends that he does this to you? What do they say?

Organise a night away, Brighton or Bristol...somewhere you like...go to the theatre...have a meal...turn your phone off....when you return look askance at any confusion shown by your husband. Organise friends over for lunch on a day you are pretty sure he is home....he doesn’t get included. If he shows anger or is surprised and put out he cares.....if he doesn’t notice...you have a real problem.