elderly mother with narcissistic personality disorder

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I am definitely a real person. (daft comment)

I am often on here for "a bit of fun", but not of the kind you are thinking of.

Thank you. I intend to "have a nice day".

Oops! Forgot the x

Mustn't leave that off must we?

oh and can I request if you have NO experience of a parent with NPD and you just want to cause trouble, please find another thread to destroy.

Goodness! No I don't believe you can. You chose to post on an open forum and now you want to go "no contact" with the majority of its members. Interesting reaction to people not saying what you want to hear.

I certainly didn't want to "cause trouble" or "destroy" this thread and really worry that your view seems to suggest that any one not seeing things from your "NPD" point of view is so vicious.

You mother isn't able to say what she thinks and we don't know why you have lost contact with you own family. The problem is, as I was trying to say previously yours to solve. I am sure there are support groups you could join but that is not, as I understand it, the purpose of GN.

You still have my sympathy and good wishes but your job is surely to learn to live with the things you cannot change and that, however we meet it in life, is difficult. It does seem you are or have been getting help so I cannot see why posting in the way you have was necessary.

I think I am in the wrong place

Thanks to all the supportive posts

I'm sure the members who have experienced a parent/family member/partner with NPD will understand just how i'm feeling now.

Didn't expect so much hatred from others

Nobody hates you. We do not know you. What a horrible thing to say.

I think this is one of the most confusing and upsetting threads I've ever read on Gransnet.
Thank God I haven't had to experience these hurtful relationships. It's something new to me.
But so sad, because family unity is so important .
Bon Courage Ziggy.

is it possible to have this thread removed?

Ziggy click on Report at the top of the your reply and send a message to GNHQ.
I often think these open forums aren't the place for discussion of very personal problems.

Fennel

many thanks

No hatred from me, that's for sure. As GracesGran says, I don't even know you.

Over reaction from Ziggy I feel. I feel sorry she is in such a bad place though as I am sure we have all been there.

I don't hate you at all, I don't know you and don't hate people anyway

But you have confused me as some statements appear to contradict other statements, sorry.

I hope you can get your thread removed if that is what you wish. Fennel is right, perhaps not the right place as this is on the www.

Wish I could remember what I put in that (now deleted) message at twenty past ten last night. So annoying!

Good afternoon all

GNHQ have decided not to delete thread as there is lots of support on here and I quite agree

Missfoodlove (excellent name lol) Your story is so like my own. I was constantly told "your dad never wanted children, I should have listened to him. I was slim before I had you" My mother also took money from my bag when I was a teenager. I've also been accused of taking all her money after my father died . Which I hasten to add is totally untrue. I really admire your courage. You are an inspiration.

Poppyred I agree it's not easy staying in contact with a cruel mother

Blue60 Thank you for your sensible words, much appreciated

GG65 Thank you, sorry you are also in a similar situation, its not easy

Bordersgirl 57 I have an amazing husband. Without his support I sadly wouldn't be here today. Thank you

Jaycee5 Sorry to hear your experience of NPD and thanks for sensible advice

Maria57 Thanks for your reply, you're right it was quite a coincidence. I'm sure we can support each other. I know what you mean about feeling guilty, it never goes away

Silverlining48 Thank you I too hope one day I will see my children and grandchildren again. I am due to see one of them at a wedding later in the year so we will see what happens

Stella1949 Thank you for your post. My best friend as dementia and was only 53 when diagnosed, not easy

Blondenana Thanks I will try that

Momof3 I'm ok thanks. I need to focus on the helpful advice on here from others in a similar situation

Movingon2018 Thank you. I was upset but I'm ok now. Gotta put my big girl pants on lol

Jallenrix Have checked out Reddit, thank you , very helpful

Ziggy62. ?

I’ve just returned from the gym, where I take out my frustrations and was so pleased to see you are feeling . more positive.

I remembered a funny story earlier I thought may make a few posters smile.

About six years ago I took my mother to the doctor, at this time she was fully composed mentis.
The doctor checked her over and said you’re fine Mrs S you really are.
I then said well that’s good to hear you will probably outlive me!
My mother responded with I do hope so.
I winked at the poor doctor who looked horrified?.

I was 50 and fully aware of her disorder, I laughed quite hysterically all the way home, much to my mothers chagrin.
You see this was the first time she had been so vitriolic and I hadn’t cared.
It was a real turning point, her power was gone.
Her narcissistic glare bore into me all the way home and I could almost hear her brain whirring trying to compute this new and odd behaviour.

I agree with dragonfly about the poster's over reaction. This an open forum not just here for tea and sympathy. Some people will be able to help others will not. Some people will have strong views and are entitled to their opinions.

I remember what my post said now. Ridiculous to delete it.

It seems we must never express sympathy for the other party in these relationship issues. Why not?

My FIL has narcissistic traits. It probably stemmed from his own father (who thought nothing of psychologically abusing his wife, physically abusing all of his children, and committing acts with his daughter that I won't describe here but would have landed him in prison). FIL, sadly, practically worshipped his father and we hear a lot about "St. GFIL of Blessed Memory" (GFIL passed away years before Hubby and I got together).

FIL has financially abused Hubby and me, body-shamed me and our impressionable young daughter, guilt-tripped our daughter so she would contact him, tried to destroy our marriage, and got mad when Hubby finally called him out on his nonsense.

Needless to say, he is Granddad Who We Don't See. I told Hubby that he is free to have any relationship with FIL that he likes, and that I cannot speak for our daughter as she is actually my stepdaughter. But I've made it very clear that I have NO interest in having a relationship with FIL, and that if we are able to have more children, they won't be meeting him. (Hubby agrees with me. He can barely tolerate FIL.)

MIL and FIL divorced many years ago, and MIL remarried. She and SFIL are lovely people and wonderful GPs. I have no issue with them.

Missfoodlove
Thanks for making me smile. Your post is so funny. I must admit it's a lovely feeling when a parent with NPD loses that power. I actually feel very sorry for my mother as I now realise she has no understanding of how to love or to be loved. I don't think I really understood it myself until I married my husband in 2016. So many wasted years but I now have so very much to be grateful for

Agnurse
so sorry you too have experience of this awful condition.
I'm sure you will have lots of support on this thread. It seems there are quite a few of us coping with elderly NPD parents.

Hard for those with loving caring parents to understand.

Ah Sodapop and what is so wrong with tea and sympathy and plenty of it. Should our common humanity not shine out and go before us. Let us forget the acerbic words and remember that this is a place for caring and support especially the relationship thread where people discuss the cut and thrust of their real lives. We must remember that anyone can be vulnerable at any time and a tough and/or sharp reply may be enough to put a person off entirely from posting any query which could give them some comfort.

We are not all as tough as old boots. "Tread softly etc etc etc (because you tread on on my dreams". From The Clothes of Heaven by WB Yeats).

Dawn

Ziggy, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this problem. I haven't had the same, but hope you don't mind if I ask a couple of questions. First, as another poster said, how is your mum still contacting you? Second, so very sorry, but I don't understand why this has impacted your relationship with your children and GC. Did you mum somehow manage to turn them against you? If so, my heart aches for you all the more.

Hard for those with loving caring parents to understand.

Well, my mum died fifty-odd years ago, when I was 19. So no "loving caring parent here. Not for a long while.

I have missed her all of my adult life.