Should we be offended

Thank you all ladies. I wonder if its me taking too much offence as I am very sensitive. My son is going wih the flow. Her mother is no slim Jean either. My husband is trying to get used tomdentures but only 12 weeks after hip replacement and he has some other issues that radiotherapy caused. I agree with ll you are saying but I upset my son at gs christening 6 years ago feeling left out so do not want to upset another apple cart. We will just bear winit and if hubby doesnt lose weight which I dont think he can as he is also 70. Then they will have to live with it. They are being measured for suits soon anyway so if he isnt slim enough now he has to stay that way until wedding in october

Don’t allow them to put any pressure on him. If he wants to take some enjoyment by a sweet treat then let him! He’s been through enough.
And you’re son wanting a quiet life is not good enough! I’d never allow anyone to speak to my father like that. Let alone if he’d been through what your husband had.

I don't wish to be insensitive, but is it due to problems with his mouth after cancer treatment the reason he doesn't wear his teeth. If it is you should tell get, but if it's a matter of just not trying to get used to them, he should try harder. No one looks good without teeth, I can't bear the thought myself, it is a dread of mine ever needing them as I would not go out until I had dentures. As for the weight only he can decide if the stress extra weight puts on your body is worth it. I have just given up all sweet things and as I am now a stone overweight and look a sight, but it's so hard.

Peonyrose
No he had prostate cancer. Its just getting used to them. Which I am sure he will now he is 12 weeks post hip replacement
Another thorn in our side is one of my daughters is a bridesmaid and the other daughter who also has children has not even been invited to the wedding. Its a long story why, she has not done anything to DIL she had problems when homeless and I looked after her youngest child . She is now engaged and over all the problems but as I am the mother of both and 3 sons I feel like all family members should be at least invited. I am afraid DIL is from a very funny family who falls out with people easily even her own dad has never seen the youngest grandson

Luckygirl mentioned, "As Mumsnet would say - she is a CF!!!"

What's a CF?

YANBU
I am sorry for all the health issues and lack of concern and respect on your son's part.

'slightly offended' Lilylavender I'd be absolutely furious!

If she cannot accept your dear husband for the person he is and what he's been through then she is shallow beyond belief. I feel sorry for your son.

I take it she is perfect in every way?

Does your husband know how to gurn? If so, ask him to wait until the photographer is taking "parents of the groom" photos - then go for it !!

Nothing to do with her what her father in law looks like cheeky mare I wouldn’t have had the nerve to tell my mother and father in law how to appear ....my word she’s a bold madam I can see fun times ahead for you
Does she tell your son what to do and wear?

gmarie - it is a cheeky f****r!

Well obviously your son and wife have been together a good while if they have a 6 year old so they should be used to his looks size etc Bugger the dentures tell hi to smile with his lips closed for the photos
I bet she’s not as perfect as she thinks
Your son should stand up for his dad and you

Yes they have been living together for 7-8 years and we have never really clicked. They have been on/off since aged 15. My son wont say too much to her. He cant even tell their eldest son off as she says dont shout at him. Talk to him. My GS is very spoiled and has been from birth by all of her side. But the younger one aged 3 is allowed to do more and gets into stuff like a child should do. Its something we have to live with now thanks to everyone for help and support

This is extremely rude! What's your son saying/doing about all of this? I'd reconsider attending any wedding if anyone was ride enough to ask me to loose any weight especially when stricken with all the medical issues you've mentioned. So sorry! I know it must be gut wrenching for you too.

This girl is beginning her married life with concern for trivial appearances. She has a long way to go.

This has nothing to do with the wedding.

Something caught my eye in your update
"Your son cannot tell off (aka shout) at his son"

Is your son really shouting at his son? Or your future dil interprets it as shouting?
If your son shouts as a discipline method, your future dil is right on telling your son to cut it off

BradfordLass!

Ohhh, thanks, Luckygirl!

So sorry about your DH's problems, I reckon he will be happier himself if he puts his teeth in even if its just for the photos! I guess this is one more wedding where the mother of the bridegroom is going to have to keep smiling come what may. Try not to have a your end and their end for this family event and how about chatting up your future DIL's relations that should throw everybody!

We do meet up with her family on birthdays of the little ones as our joing GS's but never invited to their birthdays or anniversries etc. I understand that and not bothered i get on quite well with DIL mother and and very well with DIL grandparents as for houting I realize its not nice for a child to be bellowed at but my son has calmed that down. Anyway all this happens in families. They have different ways of discipline and that is entirely up the them I do not comment or get involved.
My husband will eear the dentures he just needs to get used to talking with them in. Its only for a short time anyway

I wouldn't be offended I would be outraged. She is treating the family of the man she loves like stage props. Cannot say that that bodes well for the future.

Personally, I would ban all big marriage extravaganzas. Let people get married quietly and thoughtfully, without all the fuss and bother and just celebrate when they have been married for 10 years (assuming the marriage lasts that long).

It's such a shame, the recent trend with a lot of weddings. The ridiculous costs, the dress codes, no kids invites, daytime or evening (not both) invites, expectations to go abroad or stay overnight etc. etc.

We've had to decline quite a few as too demanding or inconvenient for guests. It's all for the photos, all for show, all competitive. It should always be about love and family, of course.

My daughter was maid of honour for her friend. The friend became a self-obsessed, over-demanding 'crazy bitch' (bridezilla) focussed entirely on her big day and oblivious to the feelings of others. Somehow, my daughter held her tongue and, after the wedding, cut all contact!

Oh Monica how I agree all these big ceremony’s and for what ...all show and how expense

All the weddings I have really enjoyed have been the ones where the bride and groom did it quietly their own way, often the entire marriage organised in-house by family and friends, using venues like church and village halls for the reception.

Every one of those marriages has lasted, none ended in divorce.

The devil in me is tempted to say this:

Your husband should make a point (and big fuss) of showing absolutely everyone his dentures (in a box) and explain that he's brought them along especially for the photos, as requested, but unfortunately he can't talk at all when wearing them.

(that'd teach her)

I too understand full well why you are offended! I would be too, but being offended won't do any good.

If your DH is anything like mine, he will be calling his future DIL a right madam just now and certainly will not put his dentures in for her wedding! If indeed you can drag him there.

Try to ignore it. After the wedding if she makes comments like these again, tell her politely that her comments are hurtful as you DH cannot loose weight just now due to worrying health issues and that our generation was brought up to consider making personal remarks the height of bad manners.

Yes i agree with all comments completely. If it wasnt our sons wedding I Would refuse to,go. One of my faughters hasnt been invited atnall and th eother daughter is a bridesmaid. The first daughter upset the family years ago but its all in the past to ,me but not my sons so me and hubby are upset by this every celebration hubby snd i have we invite all my children to regardelss of past issues