Strange male friend from the past

I think you should be very, very careful here.

I get the impression that he certainly wants more than friendship, and I do not care for what you say about his behaviour.

To my mind, he is trying to dominate the relationship by wanting you to phone or message him more than you feel comfortable with.

Nor do I like the thought that he mainly or only talks about himself. If he really wanted your friendship he would be wanting to hear about your life.

Could you not find other ways of dealing with your loneliness? Is having a friend from the past whom you are doubtful about really going to make anything better? What does your husband feel about all this? If you haven't told him, perhaps you should, fast!

He sounds creepy, I would cut off contact. Sounds like you’ve never actually met up which is probably a good thing.

Kikki agree with the other posters, he sounds a bit controlling and too keen on physical relationships. Be careful and bear in mind things he says about his life, ie divorce etc, may not even be true.

Try to make a life for yourself by going out, joining things, meeting other people in person making friends and not spending too much time at home.

Wishing you well.

Thanks grand-tante JE65, i have tried to combat loneliness by joining some groups for instance I go to dancing class and Italian; I get on well with people, they are friendly but we only see one another at the classes and nothing in between so not always sure what to do ?

Hi calendargirl we did meet up once and he also mainly talked about himself and sex !

This is not “Male attention” this is telephone sex and creepy
Have you ever asked yourself what he is doing while he talks about sex with you? Has it never occurred to you?
Thank goodness he is in another country.
Block this number now !

Hi silver lining I actually sent a reply to your message but to grand-tante !

You didn’t say you had met up in your original post, just about the phone calls and messages.
Is there anything else you would want to add?

Hi grand-tante a gain , i haven’t told my husband because I don’t know where to start and my husband doesn’t like my sister so would be cross with her for giving hîm my phone number in the first place and I think I would agree with that also to be honest

Hi MawB no I haven’t ! I must be naive or something but I can see what you are saying !

Hi MawB no I didn’t say we had met up because it is difficult to sum up 18 months in a single post but nothing happened ! He didn’t try to rape me !

Just my opinion - alarm bells are ringing for me. I would keep away from him. The very fact that he isn't interested in you as a person (other than sex wise) and talks about himself all the time, says he would not be a supportive and kind and trustworthy partner, or even a friend.

If you were not in a rather lonely place now, you probably wouldn't be interested in him.

Keep on making efforts to expand your social life locally. How about some volunteering, something that interests you. Do you have a local Meet Up group? If not, you could start one, for your age group. There are some our way for over 50s. www.meetup.com/

I would be very annoyed if my sister gave my number to someone from 40 years ago, without asking me first. Ridiculous.

I’d tell him you need to end the ‘friendship ‘ and block his number. What if your husband answered the phone?

Just be glad he doesn’t know your address. He doesn’t, does he ??

If nothing else he sounds a bit full on. I’d be very careful. I’d be out of it.

I wonder if the “Male attention” has tempted you to enjoy this relationship at a (safe) distance?
Hang up, block the number, ignore him if you truly want this to stop, but if you are enjoying it, be aware you are being manipulated, “groomed” even and definitely playing with fire.

kiki2 You know what you have to do and that is to block your number from this person now.
Have strong words with your sister about giving out your number ever again.

Walk away now - this guy is creepy and is taking advantage of the fact that you are feeling lonely. Block your number etc. - all the things that will keep him at bay.

You are playing with fire here. This guy is a weirdo.

I know all about feeling lonely but agree with others, walk away from this NOW. You may like having the male attention but you are on a dangerous path.

He is controlling the "relationship" and is grooming you for more than just friendship. You have to tell him you are offended by his constant references to sex and no longer wish to maintain contact. Then have strong words with your sister for giving him your number in the first place.

I'd tell him to naff off-----but that's me.

Thanks everybody , it is very clear that you all agree that this isn’t right so I will terminate the contact either telling him why or just simply blocking him out as most of you suggest . He may not contact me again anyway as the last exchange was him telling me to leave my husband etc. And I didn’t reply to that .
And yes I do need to have strong words with my sister

Oh oh! This sounds like an emotional affair (been reading Mumsnet ?). Therefore it is an affair of sorts. I hadn’t thought quite where it was all going until Maw’s post. How would you feel if your DH was behaving like this man, but with another woman? Run for the hills or better still work on your marriage and perhaps get some counselling. Whatever you decide to do with your future I don’t think this man is deserving of you. Block him.

kiki2. Posted just before your message. Well done for listening to advice but also nice of you to come back and acknowledge the messages. Good luck for your future.

This sends up a red flag kiki, sorry. You should tell your sisters that he's become a bit of a sleazebag and they mustn't encourage him. Block or change your number.

You would be better off trying to improve your marriage and this man is not a good escape route.

Your teenage self may have fancied him but your mature self should see sense and back off - he sounds nothing but trouble. No good will come of this.

Sorry kiki2 but another vote to cut contact with him.