Strange male friend from the past

I presume Elegran, that you've never been in a very lonely marriage, and finding it difficult to find friendship? Perhaps, because I have an empathic bent, I can see how a longed for connection, especially with an old friend from one's homeland can appear to be a lifeline? The OP also says she doesn't ring him in order to avoid his sexual antics as, in his text communications, he doesn't talk about it. Why should she be inventing this? I'm sure if she was "getting off" on this, it would be a damn site more spicey! It makes no sense to me. As for being honest, there are ways of being "honest" that aren't defamatory and come from kindness and concern. Unless of course, you know more than I do, and the OP is known to fabricate tales for her own gratufication; if this is the case then the more honest way forward is surely to report her. This approach comes across as bullying tbh.

Sometimes, Jo1960 a litle cold water added to the warm bath of sympathy can awaken someone who is in danger of being so flattered by getting attention that they are sleepwalking into a relationship thast they don't really want.

The very fact that the original poster has asked for opinions on this long-distance friendship indicates that she is not happy with it. If she were perfectly sure that all was OK, she wouldn't need to ask what anyone else thought.

She asked what others thought. I answered her.

It seems that you seek approval for this relationship, whilst (I think) subconsciously recognising it as unhealthy; you know it is not going to solve your loneliness, lack of friends and unhappy marriage. Your reaction to his sex talk 'I find it distasteful' shows you are not comfortable with him, so why take offence when people warn you about him?

I have been through a lonely, unhappy marriage and divorce, and I do understand how vulnerable you feel, but this man is not the solution; he really isn't helping you. His flattery is tying you into a fantasy relationship and preventing you from finding companionship in your real life. Persevere with your classes and activities and marriage and friendship will come.

You communicate mainly by text to avoid his smutty talk.
Being with him in person isn't likely to suit you, then.

You say you are "reluctant" to phone him because he talks about his sex life - so why do you phone him?

If you can’t help with this issue then don’t say anything and don’t insult people ; this forum is not about that
Nor is this forum about complaining about a (confusing) situation about which any sane person would have taken action in the first minutes.
Don’t complain you have not been offered help - there has been more than the situation warrants.
Block him or don’t answer his calls/ignore his texts/change your number.
Which of these do you find hard?

Sunseeker i don’t !

Have you posted your situation on Mumsnet?

Jo1960 thank you for coming to the rescue ! I am really grateful to you and all the other people from gransnet who have tried to warn me about this relationship in a nice way .
However. It seems that some people cannot be nice and can only advise people in a nasty and unfriendly way.
In my opinion , you can always say the truth but without causing offence.
Those of you who can’t well it’s your problem.
Still , the majority of people were helpful and I have enough advice now to last me a lifetime and I will act on it .
In view of all that I have just said and in order to stop the debate from deteriorating further , I would like to stop this discussion now .
Thanks again if you tried to help