Strange male friend from the past

If you are missing male company surely there is something you could join nearer home. I found a group of men at the gym were good fun and often a few would stay for coffee and chat after their workout.

i have tried to combat loneliness by joining some groups for instance I go to dancing class and Italian.

I imagine these are the classes to which Sussexborn is referring.

Kiki, I think you know not to be led by vanity which is so easy to do when you feel a lack of attention.

This old crush seems to have lost his glamour. He doesn't seem to be very exciting company. Do be careful.

Like others say ..beware . If he really is serious though - why ask you to return to another place .He should come to see you then you have the say in where you meet etc if that is what you want .

Just in my opinion, this guy sounds creepy. Some people seem to have a weird instinct for when people feel vulnerable or lonely, he sounds like one of them. Run for the hills. I also would be making it clear to my sister NOT to give my phone number out to anyone, unless she has asked me first. Mind you, she perhaps thought it would be ok since you had known him before. People change over the years and I am not one for revisiting old acquaintances/friends. I don't see the point,surely if you are good friends,you stay in touch over the years. I blame Facebook for alot of this,it doesn't always end well.

Yes you are right , Facebook and the internet in general haven’t helped at all

Hang on a minute....isn't the OP a married woman, whose husband is well and truly alive and kicking ?

Yes crazy h I am married , my husband is alive but not well , he is mega grumpy ( see previous post ) but I don’t intend to have an affair ; if you reread my post and indeed the title of my post , I am talking about a male friend no more

Kiki, in my opinion he is not acting like a friend. I have a good male friends, none of them talk about sex. I find your friend's behaviour downright strange and not in a good way.

This far along the thread and the OP still sees this relationship as being talking about a male friend when she has previously said When we do speak, it is essentially about himself and the conversation always ends up about sex as he is obviously keen on the subject ! and despite nearly everyone else saying that this relationship is essentially a sexual relationship, even though it has not been consummated.

If you were a child it would be described as grooming and considered a crime. You are an adult and have made adult choices, but stop deceiving yourself by talking about a male friend and no more. the relationship has gone way past that.

I would be completely and utterly angry with my sister or anyone else who gave my number to anyone without my permission.I
This guy sounds very creepy. Why would be be talking about sex every time he called and why is he asking you to move to a different area when you are not even dating. Unless you are leading him on!!
Get rid he sounds demanding , scary and possibly dangerous.

It sounds like he's just discovered the little blue pills and looking for a use for them. I doubt very much that you are the only female he is making up to, grooming, call it what you will.

Block his e-mails.

OP, you don't have a male friend there. You have a predatory creep.

Hi Monica perhaps I didn’t explain well in my first post ; when he talks about sex it’s not sex with me but for instance he won’t be worried about telling me he had sex with his girlfriend last night or and ask me how often I have sex with my husband and I find it distasteful

Yuck!

You say you find his talking about sex "distasteful" yet you still take his phone calls. I hate to say it but I think you secretly enjoy it. Perhaps even posting on here is part of that enjoyment.

You find his talk about sex with his girlfriend distasteful. So tell him that you find it distasteful, that it is too much information.

If after that he keeps on informing you of his sex life (rather like a small child telling anyone within hearing distance that they have done a poo!) then it is because he enjoys boasting about it. If you don't call a halt, it is because, secretly, you enjoy the second-hand thrill of hearing him.

You know how to stop this, so why tell us about his calls and his news flashes about his sex life? Probably because you are enjoying the discussion - as much as you enjoy chatting to him.

Unless, of course, he doesn't exist, and what you are enjoying here is telling fairy stories about a fantasy? Why not write a novel instead, that might even become a best-seller and make you famous.

No that’s why I am not keen to phone him and most of the communication has been by text and he doesn’t do that in his texts

Elegant it is disappointing that , inevitably , someone like you starts making nasty comments , completely gratuitous in my opinion
If you can’t help with this issue then don’t say anything and don’t insult people ; this forum is not about that

Sorry kiki2 You initially said he makes these comments in phone calls, then say most communication is been by text and he doesn't do that in texts. I am confused as to what you are asking advice about, so I will be leaving this thread

Block him. Sounds like HE is the fantasist!

kiki If you found his sex talk unpleasant, why have you not stopped it? Don't complain that being suspected of enjoying it is "disappointing", take action yourself to stop it.

You know yourself what the remedy is - and it isn't to continue replying to texts and holding unpleasant telephone conversations. Incidentally, you do know WHY he doesn't put anything in writing in a text, don't you? It is because he can deny what he has said verbally.

If you don't want to be assertive enough to tell him you don't want him to contact you again, tell him your husband has listened in to a phone call, is in the police, is onto him and will get proceedings started against him for harassment if he contacs you again. Add that he will be in the creep's area next month and will personally come round to his house and bash his teeth in.

I bet you won't see him for dust.

But if course, if you don't really wish to get rid of him, keep acting as you have done so far.

If you post asking what do people think, surely you expect them to answer honestly?

Sounds like he'd like a friend with benefits!
Not sure that I like him getting cross with you because you don't contact him back when he expects you to !
Unless you really, really are thinking of returning to your home country, with the possibility of starting a proper relationship with this man, I think you need to tell him that you just want a friendship with him, nothing more. It is so easy to get carried away when you are "chatting" on social media. People can just be saying what you want them to say, without meaning one word of it. If you are unhappy in your marriage, that has to be dealt with separately, without thinking this man could be your knight in shining armour , riding in to save you.