I'm at my wits end

I don't blame you! Can you just chuck the lot out when he is not looking? - naughty, but tempting.

What about renting one of those storage facilities Yellow Box or something similar, close to your new home. His things would not be lost but would not be cluttering your new house either. He could visit whenever he felt the need. An expense that you were not expecting, but maybe worth it.

Yes, a real problem.

Asking him to give up his stuff and his papers etc isn't going to work, is it? I believe hoarding is a mental problem and causes all sorts of anxieties when a person is asked to let things go or change their ways.

I would suggest surreptitiously and slowly removing small bits of the hoard on a regular basis, but I appreciate that could cause real distress if your husband couldn't find something he was looking for.

My son recently hired a skip and cleaned out the large shed my ex and I stored all sorts of things in - years ago. I was initially cross when he told me everything had gone. However, he asked me to name something I particularly wanted to hold on to, and I couldn't. The clean shed is better than the cluttered, full one, by miles!

Oh dear, that is really difficult. Sorry I have no experience with this condition, it is almost an illness.

I just wonder, could you sneakily start to remove some of the old papers etc on a regular basis, without him being aware? Surely he would not notice, especially items in the loft? I'm sure others will have some good ideas because there must be a limit on what he brings to the new house.

Oh my dear what a ghastly scenario. I have done the whole clear-out and downsize and it was exhausting but DH and I were very much a team. I cannot begin to imagine how draining it must be for you to live the way you explain or to think about how this proposed move will go.
I am not sure I have any advise other than you making some sort of ultimatum, but that could be just too drastic. Are there any family members or friends of yours that understand your problems? Can you not plan an 'intervention' of sorts and form a working party. Perhaps you might need to explain to your doctor about this....you are trying to future proof yourselves which is important and does become an important part of getting older. Its something that many doctors understand....us making provisions for how to cope with our latter years.

Anyway, I am not sure I've been much help but just wanted to let you know that I really do sympathise with your plight and do hope you can call in some help, I doubt its something that you can do alone. All the very best.

Maybe allocate ONE area in your new home ( e.g.the box room , a shed) that can be his territory and he can fill it up with his “stuff”, but his “stuff” is not allowed ANYWHERE else. You must be able to close the door. If there’s not enough space, he has to get rid - he must decide, perhaps watch the Marie Kondo series on Netflix together.

Sounds like this is actually a mental health issue and you need some professional help with it. Talk to your Dr about getting this. Your husband may accept help from others rather than his nearest and dearest.
I hope things improve for you both, its a very wearing situation.

I loved my husband for who he was, complete with stacks of receipts, decades worth of paperwork, hobbies, magazines and books- When it came to moving, he saw to his own belongings- When he died I saw to them-

His issue isn't new to you- Your issue with him is- Perhaps that part of the partnership is the priority, not the decluttering of his stuff- Once sorted, the rest will fall into place- No matter if he brings his things to the new place or doesn't-

You seem to have two issues.

First, you are trying to sell the house and need it tidy and decluttered. So you need to bargain with him - get lots of cardboard boxes and everything goes into a box and out of sight for a few months while viewings are taking place. Encourage by saying how much more money you will get for the house if it is looking nice. "The estate agent says it will make at least £3000 more if it is clear of clutter" (lie through your teeth).

Second, you still have all the "stuff". Once it is in the boxes you can at least move it into a new attic and it is out of sight, and maybe lose a few on the way. Maybe he will get used to not having it all around.

My late DH was a great hoarder, especially of magazines, every computer, electronics and camera magazine known to man. All kept in case an article came in useful. I would slowly move them one by one from sitting room to cloakroom to study, and then eventually the recycling bin. As long as the stacks didn't change in size he was happy...... and thought all his magazines were safe. Little did he know....

We got rid of a huge amount of stuff when we moved, but still brought too much with us. Even so, DH from time to time has a go about something he was “ forced to get rid of” that he now wants. He has a whole room to himself, as well as his workshop in the garage, and the shed, yet he has overflowed into the tiny spare room too. That is shortly about to be transformed by a joiner into my “ study” so he has a deadline.

By the way, when we were selling the old house, we had one bedroom where we stacked boxes packed ready to go. It didn’t seem to matter, as the rest of the house was tidy.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

This sounds to me like a mental health issue rather than anything else. I would talk to your GP.

You definitely have my sympathy and I agree that severe hoarding is a mental illness. I sometimes think also that it is hard for us to face up to our mortality hence we hold on to things. I have nagged my DH for eight years, since he retired, to clear out the garage and shed. He has finally decided to make a start and has been to a car boot sale for the past few weeks. However he is still only about half way through. He has cupboards with items that he has never used but won't let me get rid of but the worst thing is he would be unable to tell me what is in there and I expect your DH would be the same. Some months ago I did actually go through a pile of my DH's post which I found in a drawer and shredded a lot of it that was irrelevant. He never noticed. I find that if you match up all the letters from the same companies and use just one envelope for each your load is considerably reduced anyway by the spare envelopes that you throw out. I guess you would like to throw it all away but at least this is a compromise. Perhaps you could do some when your DH is out as it is a positive step for you and that's what you need right now. I'm sorry not to be able to offer any other advice but moving is a stressful time anyway and that is also why you are feeling like you do.

Thank you for all of your messages.
I do think that he has a problem, though his parents were just the same. When we emptied their house we found a large drawer full of Readers Digest offers, all neatly stored in order going back years.
They also hid money all over the place, meaning that we had to go through every single envelope, box etc. We even fund a £10 note between the outer and inner packaging of an open box of bath salts in the bathroom.
OH doesn't do that

We have had a chat this evening---or rather I have told him of my fear of moving and being surrounded by his stuff. I am talking here of not only all the paperwork I have found stashed in the loft and in numerous boxes in 'his' room, but also the 30+ box files that he has on the whole wall of tall Billy Bookcases
His reply, when he actually spoke---I suppose I had better sort them.
I don't hold my breath.
He cannot tell me why he has to keep the supermarket receipts, and he 'needs' to keep postcards that people have sent us so that he can remember that they visited these places.

It is no use my asking for help for him, of suggesting that he goes for any sort of therapy, because he just wouldn't

I think you would be wise to plan for separate storage at your new home: garage. shed or off-site rented unit.

At his age, it would be cruel to force him to give up saving these things, which are obviously comforting to him.

And you can't trash them either, that would hurt him.
In fact, I think it will hurt him if he ever gets round to downsizing. It is an addiction after all.

Once you have looked into some sort of storge where only his things go, you'll begin to feel much easier about your new place, which of course, will eventually have new boxes and files..... <sigh>

Maybe, when this happens, he'll agree to taking the full ones to the storage.

I had the same problem. I got round it by secretly removing a small amount of his 'important stuff' at a time. He never noticed, and will never know unless he reads this .

I think the separate storage idea is a good one, but if you are planning to downsize, you will still have the junk - even if it isn't in the house, and he'll just start a new collection!
I don't know if it is mainly a certain generation of people that hoard things - or just a follow on from his parents and he doesn't understand things can be different.
My own dad used to keep nuts and bolts, screws, wire etc - all things he brought home from his work - left overs from particular jobs that "might come in handy" as well as string etc. He was one of ten and also of a generation where things were not thrown away but kept to be re used.
However keeping shopping receiptsis a bit extreme and I think you need to give him a deadline - beyond which, you will be either having a bonfire or will be binning everything, and stick to it! When you move, buy some plastic storage boxes that are kept in one room. Anything over 12 months old, goes out !

I agree with BradfordLass. A good shed will be necessary at your new home!

I think a storage facility is a great idea if he will agree.
My neighbour is still trying to clear her house - her DH was the same as yours & when he died in January left 2 rooms & a double garage full to the ceilings with junk.
I will have a garage & a study to deal with if DH goes first! As he is a good bit younger than me it may fall to my sons!!

Sneaky Quizzer but effective! Good one.

Storage facility sounds the best bet - especially if you tell him it’s an “archive” (which it is, sort of....)

I have a strategy which I started 21 years ago - I move my husbands junk to the cupboard under our stairs and if he hasn’t missed it within 6 months then I get rid. Only once or twice has he looked for things after I’ve disposed of them - deny deny deny!
Just go in and get rid of whatever you can whenever you can because he IS hoarding and it’s ridiculous to live amongst old shopping receipts when you don’t have room.
Have you asked him in what way the receipts of long-since eaten foods may be of use?

It would take a long time (maybe there are companies that do it) but could you start scanning or photographing (on your phone)receipts etc which could then be stored on a tiny flash drive? That way he keeps his “paperwork” albeit in a different format and you get your space back.