Affair

Having been the one that was depressed, suffering from PND, I would say yes it is wrong.
You cannot believe the hurt and distress this can cause your long term partner/ husband / wife that can be ongoing once they have climbed out of that big black hole they find themselves in. There will be no way to hide it, the secret will always come out not necessarily straight away, but along the line.
You would honestly be better leaving your long term relationship and moving on. It is easier to deal with a complete end to a relationship for whatever reason than to leave your current partner feeling dirtied by your actions

I’d go for it. One thing though. If it’s purely about sex, can you control your feelings? Men it seems can. Therefore you may fall in love and him not. Can you bare the pain?

My friends loves her DH very much. Intellectually and in humour and a ‘take on the workd’ They are totally in tune. However, her husband developed MS and he cannot fulfil all of her needs. She had an affair, it went on for a year, he knew, they never spoke if it but she knew he knew, and he just quietly accepted it - she often wonders why, was it fear of losing her if confronted or was it because he was aware that some gaps needed filling.
Anyway, the affair fizzled our and they are as strong as ever and she appreciates him for his mind and intellectual compatibility more than ever.
They are fairly young, she late 49’s and he mid fifty’s.
They both, she says, know that there will be other affairs, but that’s ok.
Every relationship is different and I think you should just do it.

I suffer with anxiety and depression and acknowledge it can be very difficult to live with, my long suffering husband is testament to that. I cannot speak for your husband but I know if I found out my husband was sleeping with someone else I would be destroyed. I would prefer the relationship to have ended on mutual terms before that, however, upsetting I would find it. I’m definitely not going to tell you to stay with your husband purely to look after him as it sounds as though it’s gone beyond that. Hard decision for you, I wish you both well.

If your marriage is so bad, why not leave, then have sex with whoever you please. As it is, your husband is just being humiliated.

Life is short ,too short to be unhappy , enjoy yourself and enjoy being desired .You don’t need anyone else’s permission , your life is your own so go girl x

I think it is still a rather unknown fact that some allergies can cause depression - I have experienced this myself. It might be worth you & your husband sitting down & thinking about any new food &/or drink in his diet, at the time the depression first manifested.
Just a thought.

To the posters who recommend to go ahead with affair: how would you feel if you were the depressed spouse and your dh wanted to satisfy his needs with the wife of a friend you both know?
How would it make you feel?

Isn't it strange that the 3 threads have a "thread" between them. Joyful nana I wish you the very best for the future ?x

You are trying to justify the reasons for you both having an affair. Don’t do it. If you are both in loveless, sexless marriages then do the right thing and leave

Affairs are devastating and never the answer. Believe me I know!

You are married and the man you are thinking of having sex with has a partner. Not a good basis for a relationship. have a break from your husband and start a new life without ties.

Unless one has been in that situation one cannot comment. I have been in that situation and at the end of the day I still cannot comment on your affair. What I can say is that you are a grown person and you know your needs, not wants, more than anyone else. How you fulfill your needs is up to you but be prepared for any after - shocks.

Sorry to mention this, but the impact on your very depressed is not to be discounted, if you left him.

It might affect his health badly. If you care for him in some way, this might be a factor.

If he has no other family support, and becomes severely ill if you leave him, you might end up being pulled into being his support/carer, even if you aren’t living with him.

Sorry to have said this but it is a factor. With austerity having removed most local mental health services, there would be very little out there to help him if he needs further help.

I was in a brother/sister type relationship with my husband for years due to his progressive illness. Having been the ‘injured party’ when my first husband committed adultery, there is absolutely no way I would put another person in that position, particularly someone I love.

I would say that to avoid hurting others (and believe me, the ripples can spread a long way), you should choose to stick with your marriage and hope that you can persuade your husband to seek treatment and/or counselling or, leave the marriage altogether.

I can’t imagine for one minute that it is easy but, some people manage to continue to live together for financial reasons but, live independent lives, including having relationships with other people, preferably unmarried ones.

It would be unfair and unkind to your husband and the other man’s partner. And if fidelity isn’t the other man’s strong point, it could be setting yourself up for pain getting sexually involved with him.

I would either leave and look for someone not in a relationship, or stay and be faithful.

‘You shall not commit adultery.’ Exodus 20:14.

Technically it is wrong, but hey, what've you got to loose if you get found out, enjoy!

What happened to “in sickness and in health”? ! The man is ill and you want to cheat on him. Selfish. Go with the other man; you deserve each other.

From what you've said, I don't think you'd particularly enjoy being the OW. It's not all sunshine and flowers, especially if you're feeling guilty the whole time. And your potential lover sounds like a player - you would soon be discarded. How would you feel then?

I don't want to cheat on him. I don't want a stranger to have sex with.. Its not my style at all but I see it as a function. I don't want a loving relationship with the other man and neither does he. I know the man very well, all his past relationships and what he's like, so know what I'd be getting myself into and I'm not an inexperienced teenager. The religious scripture surely doesn't apply but the moral one does. I know it would hurt him to find out but if he didn't, who would it hurt?

I don't want to come across big headed but I've never been 'dumped' so I don't know what it feels like.

Joyfulnanna
Affairs always come out. Please don't kid yourself with a fantasy that doesn't exist

Are adults sex toys a possibility?

Your dh deserves better.

How would you feel if your dil was going to have an affair because your son was depressed?

Why do you think the Bible verse doesn’t apply? And what if there is a God and he thinks it does, and one day you stand before him to be judged?

‘Just as people are destined to die once, and after that to face judgment’ Hebrews‬ ‭9:27‬.

If you feel it would be wrong to have a relationship outside your marriage, then it is wrong. If you feel it would be all right, then it is all right.

However, in your place, I would consider carefully, what your partner is going to feel if, or when he discovers that you have a lover, and too, what the wife of the other man is going to feel.

You could potentially cause a lot of hurt, to yourself as well as others.

If at any time in the past you promised to be faithful to your partner, you will be breaking a promise.

Some women do find it easier to leave a man if they are having an affair with someone else.

I think you need to consider very seriously, whether you really want to leave your partner. Would you be willing to stay if he is treated for his depression? Will you worry about him, if you leave him?

No one can really advise you, but perhaps some of the points we make can help you make up your own mind.