How can I compete with his idea of a perfect woman

If it is, and I regularly had similar “problems” when I was a Samaritan - usually phone calls in the wee small hours- but if it is, it is very sick indeed. .

PLEASE get out as soon as possible.I got out of my relationship 3 years ago due to porn addiction, after 10 months of checking the content of the videos and doing lots of research there are hundreds of videos in vast categories depending on what his preference is.It was affecting my health, my life my work.I found a manor of what appears to be shocking but they are porn actors acting out a scenario for men’s pleasure and this often involves scenes of rape and unconscious women. However shocking it is they are being paid to act out these scenes.
I also found out that men start off looking at run of the mill porn and when that becomes boring and repetitive they then delve deeper into more specific detailed porn, and every imaginable scenario is available at the touch of a screen, once they are that far down the line it’s highly unlikely he will ever change, he will just hide it better.
I’d be very suspicious of what he gets up to when he’s away as when viewing porn videos, pop ups appear on the screen to take you to another site where you can make contact with women that are available to meet up in the area that you are in as GPS will detect your location. I’m not suggesting he’s doing this but it is so easily available to take it to another level.
It will eat you up if you don’t deal with it and get out and live your life. Good luck.

You know what you need to do. You don’t really need to ask do you? You sound like a confident woman and you’ve heard all these opinions. What’s stopping you? Just get on with it whilst you’re young enough to make a new life for yourself. Good luck.

I have been through similar and understand how you feel but as others have said, you must remember that there is absolutely nothing you have done/not done/ said/ not said that makes his behaviour your fault, he is a pervert, because he has pervert friends he thinks its normal, but its not.
you deserve so much more, a man who loves you, loves your body and the time you spend together, don't settle for anything less. Remember, its never going to get any better than it is now, and could quite possibly get a whole lot worse, research shows that as the brain gets used to one level of stimuli, it seeks out more and more extreme stimuli to get the same buzz, be it alcohol drinking drugs gambling or sexual. Kick him out, report him, those girls need people like you to help protect them from monsters like him, report him, and give the evidence of those others involved, that was a rape they were watching for entertainment, to the police. Yes your children might be angry with you at first, but think how angry they would be if they found out and thought you were complicit by your silence. Best of luck, be strong. There are thousands of us on this website who are completely behind you, backing you up. x

The trust is gone.....go see a counselor on your own . You have some decisions to make. ?

Next time he comes home let him find the door key doesn't work any more as you have changed the locks. Pack all his stuff and leave it in the garage or similar with a note on the door explaining why he is being ejected and that the police are now involved.
So you need to get "your ducks in a row" which involves copying all the paperwork relating to family finances, bank accounts and pensions. Your legal advisor will tell you what you need.
Let it be known why you are kicking the miserable apology for a human being out of your home. Hold your head high.
Good luck with your new life OP.

Leave
Call the police
What's the matter with you woman!
This is not about your insecurities
You are being complicit in child sex porn
For which you could be arrested
You know about it
You have a legal and moral obligation to do something about it
No wonder you have estranged children
Perhaps if you get him arrested they might come back
Each picture is an abused person
Do something about it
If you don't you seriously need help

TAS27, what a weird and wonderful range of extreme reactions to your post! I still think that it is your problem of feeling insecure. Some other Gransnetters seem to believe this is serious and criminal. Don't they know that most porn is just actors playing out fantasies for cash? Compare it to TV. Would you call the police if there was a rape in a film?

This thread is mainly about the person (s) watching porn, Hetty58 & the effect it is having on the OP.
If you do not believe that young people are coerced ( or worse ) into the making of porn, you are very very naive !

Many of the women and children involved in porn are not doing it for the cash. Even if they are that doesn’t make it ok.

Are the underage girls acting? Under age sex is underage sex. It is illegal whether the children taking part are acting or not.

Have you seen the film of a naked woman being raped? Can you tell whether it is real or acting?

This man is watching hardcore porn and needs to be checkedout.

When we see a rape simulated in a film or on tv, we know 1) the act is a simulation not the real thing, that everyone taking part is of age, 2) No one has been coerced to take part.

Hetty you have a dewy eyed and rather naive attitude to what type of material most porn addicts are watching and how these films are made. The days of Playboy are long gone

Hetty, Hetty, Hetty ….Really?

Words almost fail me.

Forget for a moment what you are saying ( the content of your words).

Look at your choice of vocabulary. "weird, wonderful, extreme" to name a few.

This is how you choose to describe replies???

You show a very strong bias, and choose degrading words to attack those who don't agree with you.

Why?

I can’t believe this OP has generated 90 replies in 24 hours. I refuse to add to them.

I can’t believe this OP has generated 90 replies in 24 hours. I refuse to add to them. Urmstongran and your point is?

I don't believe I've attacked anyone, Namsnanny. I just find the overreacting replies to many posts astonishing, that's all. It's as if there's a crowd just waiting to scream 'Divorce' as soon as anyone posts - all very amusing!

There is nothing amusing at all about a subject that affects so many ( mostly ) woman !
The least we can expect from posters is a little bit of respect for what some may have or still do suffer.

Hetty ... Well, I concur with your comments about jumping in and advocating divorce at the slightest difference of opinion, if in fact I am interpreting your reply correctly?

But even in this reply your choice of words is degrading.

You might benefit from a Critical Thinking course or some quiet reflection on why you chose this way of replying.

Then you might broaden your understanding.

If you truly believe it's a genuine post (not written, as I suspect, by a man) then I suppose you would react differently.

M0nica … well said!

Urmstongran … You do realise that's exactly what your have done!!! Gave me a laugh though.

Hetty …. What do you mean? I'm afraid I'm not understanding you.

Your original comment was directed to TAS27, do you think the writer is a man?

You then went on to comment on the veracity of the replies to TAS27 with negative descriptive words.
Are all these posts from the men you speak of?

Sorry your answer has me perplexed!!

I don't believe I have ever suggested that someone should leave her partner before now. I'd never normally suggest something so drastic.

Hetty58 your posts have astonished me.

Hetty, I have reread the OP and I can see nothing on it suggest that the writer is male.

I do not think that divorce is the only answer to every difficulty, in fact very few people do suggest divorce, but many of the people posting about marital problems are at the end of their tether with longstanding and very serious problems with their relationship which often have very serious issues, like abuse of all kinds, violence, emotional abuse, serial adultery, chronic alcoholism and, in this case, an addiction to extreme types of pornography that are both illegal and possibly criminal.

In circumstances like these, I think to suggest that the couple separate while these issues are worked out is best for the sake of the mental health and, sometimes, physical safety of the person posting. Separation is not divorce and I know several couples where a separation has given them time and breathing space to discuss and work through their issues before resuming their marriage much happier than they were before.

I think the thread has been reported to GNHQ, Hetty58 so they are the best ones to judge whether it is valid and whether or not it should be deleted.

Well I am not sure what is going on here , if it’s a spoof , well how sad & pathetic & GN should be on it , very disappointing if aren’t .
And for anyone who finds this topic amusing , shame on you , perhaps you should walk in someone else’s shoes before you make further comments .

I am still trying to work out why if the OP has discovered that her husband is using porn why on earth she shouldn't have been monitoring his phone on the various media he uses in order to find the extent to which he is using it.

This strikes me as a perfectly sensible and normal thing to do. If he was watching criminal sites, it is what the police would do to investigate it. I would certainly be doing it if I ever had any reason to believe my DH was betraying me in anyway and I would assume he would do similar if he had any suspicions of me.