Travel to see daughter and GD

There's only you knows if it's worth the effort or if the knee pain is making it all too much.
Why don't you talk to your Daughter and ask her, if there came a time when you couldn't physically manage the quarterly visits, could she perhaps visit you more often.
I hope it works out for you.

If you enjoy going to see your daughter and are able to do it, then why not? If it is becoming a struggle then you may not be able to manage - but many parents do not see their adult children more than once or twice a year.

Maybe your husband is concerned you are doing too much travelling and is trying to persuade you to cut down by encouraging your daughter to make the trip. Does she have children who would be accompanying her?

There is no rule as to how often a daughter should visit her parent, or vice versa. It can only be a mutually decided solution. Do you think your daughter would come to you if you asked? Why haven't you already asked her?

Hi, London! So sorry about your worsening arthritis! Are you receiving treatment for it?

Regardless, I can imagine how difficult that triple trainride must be. On the other hand, I know it can be difficult for a young mum to travel w/ a child. Besides, no matter what your partner thinks DD (dear daughter) should do, most likely, she's going to do what SHE thinks she should/needs to do. You could ASK her to visit more often, but chances are, she'll decline.

So, IMO, any change will have to be on your side. I suggest cutting back on your visits (w/o insisting that she increase hers). Right now you go to her 4 times a year or more. Perhaps cut back to twice a year and stick to that for a while? See how you feel? It will mean you only see DD and GD in person 4 times a year (their 1 visit and your 3), but it might make things easier for you. Maybe let DD know you're going to try cutting back b/c of your arthritis, but it's not written in stone. If the 3 visits are still too much, you might cut back to twice a year, etc. Or you might add that 4th visit back if you miss them too much and DD is ok w/ it.... Food for thought...

Have you spoken to her about it? Is she financially able to travel more often? Does her partner create a problem for her if she goes away? There could be any number of reasons why she doesn't come more often.

Is your partner her father?
How long have you been together?
Why is he so invested in this subject?
Have you talked to your dd about the frequency of visits and whom goes to whom?
How old is your dd and her dd?

It does seem quite an arduous journey London1948 could you compromise and each visit the other twice a year. Failing that maybe meet somewhere halfway for a short holiday instead of one of your trips.

I wouldn't fancy a three-train journey. Perhaps you could explain how it's getting more difficult and that, sadly, you feel you can't do it as often. Maybe you could stay a day or two longer instead.

Meeting in the middle, as sodapop suggests, is something that we do. We tend to do it as a single day out, but a couple of nights in a town where there are things to do might be really enjoyable.

I empathise with you.
I am now 82 and my D lives a similar distance so I see little of them.
We are both now on our own and I would like to see more of her but she works very long hours to manage and has two teens.
I have a knee replacement and an scheduled for a hip replacement in Feb.
I have accepted that it is as it is and make the most of it.

Sometimes when you keep in touch regularly on the phone you almost forget that you haven't physically seen the person. Keep chatting on the phone!

Have you tried turmeric for arthritis pain? There is a facebook group about organic turmeric powder being taken as a ''golden paste'' - mixed with organic coconut oil, organic freshly ground pepper and water. Also given to dog and other pets for arthritis.

Do you get on well with your daughter? If you are on good terms, I think you could possibly ask her if she could come twice a year.

If you explain that it is getting harder for you, she is likely to understand.

I hope things work out.

If your daughter isn’t committed to work, kids, finances, it might be nice if you took it in turns every 3 months possibly? X

Talk it over with your DD so that she is aware of any issues brewing with you.

Never could understand this once is not enough Im sorry she should make more of an.effort you must talk to her about this she does have annual leave otherwise you met up half way
My former neighbour had this but when she passed wow her family were up quite often to sort out the will ,money the house
I told the daughter how I felt as it was I who did a lot for the mother .I didnt have a stiff upper lip. I told her my mind my honest opinion of what I felt about her and her brother.

I'd say it's definitely not enough. She needs to make more of an effort. Talk it out with her as she's probably not aware that things need to change.

Your daughter should make more of an effort. Offer to buy her a ticket. I think too many children these days feel entitled.

If your daughter works full time AND is a mum, the chances are she's too tired to travel at the end of a work week.

It isn't entitled to want to catch up with housework, spend time with your child and relax a little. Including commute time, my work week tops 70 hours. Doing that on top of being a mum to a young child... No wonder she can't travel much.

My partner is 70 and he travels all over the world, on his own. I'm not suggesting everyone should be able to do that at 70, but with all the free time you have on your hands, versus the demands she has on hers, it makes more sense for you to do the travelling.

While I think personally your daughter might make more effort I can also remember how my parents used to complain that I didn’t visit them in Scotland more often - well, a full time teaching job, three children and a husband with health issues plus finance, were among my reasons (excuses?) if you do need to do the journey, have you tried Mobility Assistance? You get help down to the platform, help getting on and off if necessary, often a special waiting room/lounge, at least at the bigger stations, and you can book your seat close to the exit. We used it a lot when DH was alive as he had hospital clinic visits in London and with poor mobility, travel was a nightmare. You don’t even need to be registered disabled, I once met Jenni Murray in the Mobility Assistance lounge at Euston station!

London1948..... have you tried staying in touch via Skype or FaceTime .... I know it’s not as good as physical contact, but you could speak to her every week say... and if you have grandkids , you can also see and speak to them and catch up on schooling and what they’re up to in their lives. If you haven’t got these devices it is well worth the effort to get one or other.... if you’re a technophobe I’m sure somebody will be only too pleased to get you set up. Also your husband can become more involved.

I'm wondering if you could sometimes meet halfway? There's bound to be somewhere worthwhile to visit in the summer, perhaps with a picnic? Perhaps you could offer to buy the train tickets?

I have a three or four hour, three train ordeal to see my youngest, too. Recently, I treat myself to a minicab instead of the first train - and I expect to be collected from the station. She does drive down quite often, though, about four times a year, with a young baby too.

I've wondered about getting a friend to dog sit and staying overnight at her place or nearby, but I worry that I wouldn't sleep well.

London1948 if you don't tell your daughter about your health problems she won't know. They think we're infallible and still have the energy etc we had years ago. You could suggest to her that you will have to reduce your travel to see her due to pain & hopefully that will encourage her to make the effort but sadly I fear it won't. I hope I'm wrong about that for your sake. The colder months are worst for arthritis so could you manage a couple of trips in warmer months if she does a chilly one?

Thanks for all your comments , I shall put them in place and see if I can change the situation .

I agree with one post ...my late husband's daughter (single, no work, two cats) REFUSED to come and see him when he was dying …(she was there every year for weeks in summer when we lived in Spain ...flights, meals, everything paid for by him) ..she said she was too busy ….. AS SOON AS he died she was asking about the Will and saying she could come over to sign anything the Notaire wanted signing ! I said how will you find the house > (another of her excuses .we lived in a rural part of France BUT she was picked up from the nearest airport (80km) the only time she did visit ……...now she says she is contesting her inheritance ! She is welcome ...by the time she has employed a French avocat and spent thousands on legal fees there will be no inheritance left !!

Trully I think you need this conversation with your daughter. It's not about who's right or wrong more that it's fallen into a pattern and if you don't speak up how does your daughter know that the travelling is getting too much. No one is a mind reader. Daughter or not we all fall into our own patterns of life that can become quite selfish to someone else and lack empathy. That's why you need to be talking to her. She may in fact think you enjoy the journey over, it gets you out. But who knows. Good luck.