No sleep and spitting feathers

I don't believe in a higher power per se but something akin to karma or fate gets the bad deeds in the end, all said its her that has to live with this deceit, it's on her conscience not yours

Umm, I have only had my hair WASHED once since 27th October, never mind cut and coloured!

I think it's your DH that needs to take action here and stop the monthly allowance and not condone what she is doing - I would have thought that she wouldn't have been able to make a claim in the first place having had a payout from the redundancy??

The DWP's own figures for benefit fraud are relatively tiny (although they say that was the basis of why Disability Benefits were changed initially (rubbish, they moved the goalposts to deny the benefit and nothing else!) I wouldn't 'dob her in' as it will cause issues within the family, but get the 'policeman dad' to have a word!

You are in the right but say nothing to her. It will only lead to trouble for you. It would serve her right if you informed on her but could lead to terrific arguments and trouble between you and your husband. Do you want that?

In your shoes, I'd ask your husband what he thinks and let him handle it. You know his personality and we don't. He'll either take it on board or he won't.

If you really do feel you want to report the matter, leave it three months or so and then do it. Don't say anything to your husband about the matter in this case.

What’s all this “keep out of it”? This is fraud, criminal behaviour and done knowingly. Be prepared to stand up & be counted. If only those who needed support got help then everyone would be better off. Tell her so.

I had a situation where I reported a young neighbour but it was for leaving her baby alone in the house early in the morning to take her husband to the train station (total 25 minute journey there and back)

Then the baby became ill with an emergency heart problem. 2 weeks later the morning routine started again!!

I wrote a letter to the relevant authorities explaining what I see out of my window every morning.

The repercussions from my action left me treated like a sex offender in a small cul de sac. They moved 2 years later after they had another baby.

I realise now I should have warned her but I had hinted but she chose to ignore. They had been leaving the baby unattended since the baby was 2 days old!!

Speak to your husband and follow the advice others have said. Good luck.

I doubt she has a conscience! Chances are she’s been dumb enough to blab about this to others as well.

So wrong that she gets away with such blatant lies whilst benefits are being stopped for the sick and disabled by untrained interrogators who get paid large bonuses and then give about one week to appeal.

My daughter has just said, if she walked up to you in the street, and took money directly out of your purse to get her hair done, would you bury your head in the sand about that, and say it’s not worth the hassle? That’s what she’s doing, she’s stealing from everyone, which makes it everyone’s business.

crimpedhalo, well done you. You did exactly the right thing. If anything had happened to that baby, most likely the parents would have blamed everyone else. You would have felt awful too, if you hadn’t said anything.

Wait a while and report.

I’m sorry but covering this up is condoning it in one way. Fraud is fraud and it’s people like you make me sick and give the benefit system a bad name.

Report it.

Sorry not ‘people like you’ I meant to write ‘people like her’

It's a difficult one, isn't it?

We all ought to report those who swindle the system, but it can be very difficult when it is a family member.

How long have you been this woman's stepmum? If you have brought her up then to my mind you are in a different position than you are if you married her father after she was an adult.

I would have a quiet word with my husband about this, pointing out that your daughter had a hard time when she was on benefit because she was honest so it riles you that your step-daughter is claiming benefits she is not entitled to.

And it worries you that what she is doing is illegal and could land her either in prison or with a rap sheet, both of which might make it more difficult for her to get a job.

Tricky. If you disclose it, how do you envisage your relationship with your daughter in the future? It’s not up to you to ‘police’ her income. She is being dishonest and all the establishment has to do is look at her bank account. As she is being dishonest, she will have to pay the piper when she gets caught out and will end up with a criminal record possibly. Not good for future employment prospects either. In my opinion, all you can do is tell her how unhappy and angry the disclosure has made you. She is a responsible adult and should be cutting her cloth etc. Don’t just look at today, look at your future relationship with her. Tell her to get out and look for an honest job.

Is she not entitled to UC if she is looking for a new job? The tax people will know exactly what redundancy payment she got. The dishonest bit is claiming a 25% reduction in Council Tax assuming her son is living with her full time and not paying Council tax himself at another property.

I am appalled that you are condoning this behaviour! It is theft and fraud on a large scale! I worked for CAB for 10 years meeting many who needed long term help!
This adult needs to be shopped or told to get her life in order!
She doesn’t deserve any of what she receives
It makes me so angry

She’s living a better life than I am and I’m working all the hours God sends.
Why should she get away with this when other people have to survive on food banks???
I can’t believe you’re lily livered dh sat there in silence. Shame on him.
It’s now your duty to expose this fraudster. No matter the fallout YOU would be the one doing the right thing! ?

Theft and fraud on a large scale?

The woman is claiming a 25% discount on her council tax, and even that may be legal, depending on her son's circumstances, which we don't know.

I think there is a lot of hysteria on this thread. If the OP's husband is paying his daughter some extra money, that is kind of him, and IMO perfectly understandable - I would do the same. It is not illegal, and she is under no obligation to declare a gift from a parent. Helping our children when they need us is What Parents Do.

The rest (she runs a car, gets her hair done etc) sounds like jealousy to me. If the woman has been working for years before the redundancy, presumably she will have saved some money for a rainy day, and she has been given a payout (again, perfectly legal - in fact a legal requirement). This is the rainy day. What is wrong with her spending her own money on running a car and getting her hair done? She will want to look decent if she gets an interview, and may well need a car for her work when she gets it.

The 'good clothes' she has were presumably bought while she was earning. If she sold them, she would get a pittance, and would then have to replace them with new ones when she finds a job. What do those who condemn her think she should wear? Should she buy special 'Universal Credit' clothes, and save the 'good' ones for when she stops claiming? If so, where should she get the money to buy them?

The fact that the son has 'a good job in the city' is irrelevant, too. Why mention it, if not to imply that, as with the 'good clothes' and the car, they are in some way undeserving?

Yes, claiming the discount on the council tax is wrong, if the son is living there as his sole residence, and not just staying with his mum for a couple of weeks. But 'theft and fraud on a large scale' is the sort of thing that companies such as Amazon commit when they defraud the taxpayer of millions of pounds. This does not come close, and if the OP betrays the confidence of her step-daughter over this, she is likely to cause a family rift that will never be healed.

Also, your husband is no doubt on a good police pension from the government, would this be put in jeopardy, if he’s found condoning criminal activity? For goodness sake, do the right thing and report her. I think worrying about rifts forming in the family is too late now, and is irrelevant anyway, compared to honesty.

How awful. What an abuse of the system. I would report her.

Good grief Doodledog, she’s a 59 year old woman! It’s not help she’s getting, it’s a regular allowance. That constitutes an income. It’s not the amount she’s defrauding, but the principle. If the son has a good job, then he should be contributing. Comparing her to what others do or have isn’t the point. The fact is, they should all be reported, but we don’t know who they are. She’s come clean to her step mum, so is probably feeling guilty, and quite right too.

Report her anonymously. She's breaking the law. No one would condone her if she was a burglar or a shop lifter. People, especially perpetrators, seem to think it's a victimless crime but it isn't. She's not only stealing £thousands per year from a system that is already struggling but is laughing at the rest of us fools who pay into the system and only claim their entitlements when necessary, Phone them up and say you overheard her or someone told you about this woman who lives in such and such street who is claiming housing benefit and UC even though she has income that she has not declared. You can be as vague as you like.....she may be in her 50s/not been claiming long/etc, Believe me they'll find her from that small amount of information. It may take them a few months but they'll do it. I know it's not easy to shop family but sometimes things have to be done. I shopped my BIL. No one ever suspected me. I'd suspected him for years and finally snapped when he claimed to be disabled and got a Motability car. It never went to court ...most cases don't...but he had to pay back a lot of money and now only gets the amount he's entitled to.

I don't care how old she is. If my children needed me I would help if I could - no question, and it wouldn't be anyone else's business. I understand the OP being peeved if her husband has set this up without telling her, but given her attitude to the step-daughter, it is perhaps understandable why he didn't.

We don't know the situation with the son. If he lives there, and has no other address, then yes - they should pay the full council tax, but as far as I can see, their only crime is not to return the 25% discount.

None of the rest of it deserves all the opprobrium on this thread. The woman is claiming a benefit to which she is entitled, after paying in for years. She has a few quid in savings or redundancy payment (not a lot, or it would have been taken into account when her benefits were worked out), and she uses them to run a car and keep her hair looking nice. Her father helps her out in her time of need. Her son is doing ok, but is in his 20s and not responsible for his mother.

I repeat that yes, they should pay the council tax that is relevant to their circumstances, but otherwise there is no case to answer, surely?

Actually, she should be declaring ANY income that comes in, including daddys regular handout.
So, more fraud.

I must admit these things do irritate. Like many on here I have a daughter who works all hours as the sole provider for her family with her husband being a househusband. She has always been just above the threshold for child tax credits so not well off but they manage. I sometimes get irritated when others we know work part time ...receive the appropriate benefits for this and then go and work cash in hand. She is so lovely and just puts a like when she sees them having ski ing and exotic holidays which she can't affford. Hey ho ...such is life and I would never dream of reporting anyone.Where would you stop?
Many small businesses doing the books take some work cash in hand to avoid some tax. How many pay cash for that new bathroom/kitchen to cut out paying VAT. What about the pensioner doing a bit of gardening for cash to supplement his pension? All small losses to the tax system that mount up. And as for big business ...where would we start?

I don't like benefit fraud but let those who are paid to do so find out the cheaters. In op's situation I wouldn't risk the type of long term fall out which could occur by reporting her stepdaughter.

My daughter is disabled and many, like her, have to fight every inch of the way for financial help. It makes my blood boil to read how some people are defrauding the system, for this is what it is, fraud, there is no other word for it. I wish more people had the courage to report these fraudsters. I can understand your anger Livlass, who wouldn't be?