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Just clinging on?

(57 Posts)
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Giddygrandma1 Wed 08-Jan-20 23:34:39

New to this, so please be kind! Married over 40 years ago. Love of my life. Now, grumpy old man. Feel so naive. No parents alive to advise. Worked hard to make marriage work, brought up family to be happy, responsible adults, very little input financially or emotionally from OH, but he did keep a roof above our heads and we did have enough to eat. As soon as I could I too contributed financially. Retired now. He lots of hobby's, me still fitting in around him. Why are men so selfish? Your thoughts please?xxx

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Bbbface Fri 10-Jan-20 11:40:40

* After 46 years I suddenly find myself with nothing to do and no one to talk too.*

What did you do when your husband worked?!

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NanaPlenty Fri 10-Jan-20 15:23:01

Lots of wise words ladies - gosh I’ve only been married 22 years but have found the last couple since my hubby retired difficult on and off. I’m trying too make my own routine and I do see friends, children etc. I also go to choir. Recently I’ve felt a bit like a housekeeper and although I love him he’s decided he has not interest in a physical relationship anymore. This I
am finding difficult. Yes we’ve discussed it, had some counselling etc. but we seem to go round in circles. I’d like to move but he doesn’t want to. I’m not sure I’m brave enough to leave and start over on my own and financially it would make a mess. We shall see ....

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ananimous Fri 10-Jan-20 16:41:54

I have a sneaking suspicion that some peeps here do love to play the martyr, and also blame shift for their lack of definite boundaries.

Life is not a rehearsal.

Find someone new in 2020, and actually live your lives to the fullest, instead of just existing in a dysfunctionally toxic rut.

Set these couch potatoes free in 2020! ...

And you will be certain of a happy new year.

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Bridgeit Fri 10-Jan-20 18:01:49

I have learnt ( learned , I’m never quite sure)
That you cannot change anyone else other than yourself,
Sending best wishes , do what you need to do to make your life happier & more fulfilled for you.

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garnet25 Thu 16-Jan-20 15:22:24

I retired before my OH. when he went I suggested that if we both wanted to a) do our own things and b) spend time together he would need to take his share if the chores. he chose what he would do and I let him get on with it and did not tell him how to do anything or when to do it. This has worked well and now he even cooks lunch every Sunday!

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sodapop Thu 16-Jan-20 18:02:52

It never fails to surprise me how many couples go into retirement without discussing their expectations of this important phase of their lives.
It's a complete change of lifestyle for us and we need to discuss and plan what we want to do and what we can afford. Couples don't need to be joined at the hip, lots of opportunities out there for all tastes.

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