Step-daughters taking my DH out without me

A lot of times it's only testing if you let it be.
Unless someone is being deliberately and rudely snubbed rhere isn't a problem.

You are being too sensitive. They are free to have their own little thing with their dad. Perhaps you need to have an outing with just the girls that you plan. We are all free to cultivate separate relationships with separate people. Don't be offended. They had a life before you. You don't need to seek validation or justification. Cultivate your own memories too!

It is always upsetting to feel excluded but it would be strange if the adult children did not want to spend time alone with their parent. It is not as if they want him to spend every weekend with them.
I can't see any option but to let it go and accept that it is just life.

Actually, I'd reinforce this outing by "treating" them. Buy them a gift card to a restaurant they are going to, and tell them it's in honour of their dear mother and send them off with a big hug. Perhaps buy them bouquets of their mother's favourite flower. You aren't in competition with their mom. But you did inherit her husband and lovely children.

What do you normally do on Mothering Sunday? Do your children , all of them, spend it with you, as well as cards, flowers etc, or do you/they not bother at all?
Do your stepchildren get to spend time with their father alone, or are you together at all times? Going out together, the three of them, is one thing, but Mothering Sunday is another.You have been a stepmother to them for twenty-five years, so it does seem a little churlish to me, to pick that particular day. Father's day would be more appropriate.

I agree with Doodle.
And it might be a nice idea to suggest you have a nice meal ready for you all on their return home.

You sound so selfish dont spoil a good thing spend more quality with your sons.
Is it a bad thing for them to keep the memories of their mother alive

I'm a stepdaughter and I often spend time with my mum on her own without my stepdad. I don't think it's weird at all. Maybe they want to talk about their Mother? They'll be a similar age themselves to when she died.

Also if your son's ask you out on your own you should say yes!

Can I make a suggestion to some posters too who have posted the women are no longer children. They are still their Father's 'child' whether they are in their 20s, 30s, 40s or 50s! I'm still my Mum's child in my 40s and children are still my child now in their 20s. Isn't that how it works?

I think Naty’s idea is wonderful!!

EAZYBEE Theywant to share memories of their mother WITH their father,the OP didn't know them during their childhood or teens the only person close to them at that time is their DAD,it seems very odd that anyone would begrudge them ONE day with their dad on Mothers day when their MOTHER is no longer here.However well they get on with their fathers wife she cant take their mothers place,so mothers DAY where she is concerned should be spent with her children.Just as a matter of interest do her children still have afther around who they see?

I don't see anything wrong in your DH's daughters wanting some alone time with their dad Mary. Perhaps they chose mother's day because you'll be spending the day with your sons and their families and they knew you wouldn't be on your own.

Any other day, fine, but they could have chosen another day other than Mother's Day. I would feel miffed too.

I’m sorry you’re hurting Mary. That it’s be very hard.

However, I do think it’s good for your husband to have time with his children alone. Mother’s Day makes a lot of sense really. They likely want to remember her privately.

I hope you find peacd

I think it’s ok that they spend time that time with their dad. They were quite young when they lost her and they might want to ask lots of questions about her as they grow older and realise a lot they don’t know about her and they might not feel comfortable asking in front of you. I lost my dad and couldn’t ever talk about him in front of my step dad and my mum was never alone. So I couldn’t talk about my dad for 22 years, which was a bit painful.

No need to shout, Paddyanne.
The poster will know the answer to the questions; I don't.

My mum died when I was 14 and my dad didn't remarry but honestly no one could have ever taken her place on mothers day, no matter how wonderful she was, not even mother Teresa. They're adults and you have your own children to spend the day with. There is no reason for you to feel put out at all.

I cant stand "invite everyone to everything" people.

I like big get togethers but they drain me
Vs small grouos of 2 or 3 lift me up

I once feel out with a friend over it. 3rd friend had a break up and invited us both out for a drink to be her shoulders to cry on. Other friend messaged all of our wider group about it.
I told her that if she wants to plan something for everyone, fine! Do that anothet day! But 3rd friend needed just her closest 2 that night!

I agree with RubyLou and Sara65 - it's very insensitive to plan this for Mother's Day. They are grown women and should be able to see this one would hope. However, saying anything would be difficult without upsetting a normally happy boat. This website is full of women who share your superpower (or try to) of biting your tongue to save the feelings of everyone else.? One would hope that your DH might see it too.....

I’m curious why exactly it’s so insensitive to plan it on Mother’s Day?

If I had been dead for 25 years, I would haunt the woman that kept my children and DHubby apart on (MY one and only planned) mother's day.

I would let them get on with it, it is only one day. And I’m sure they’re not doing it to hurt and upset you. Family members can be very thoughtless and don’t realise how their actions affect other people.
I know from bitter experience that if you say something, you’ll be in the wrong and be accused of being jealous. And it won’t end well.
Enjoy your day with your children and don’t let them see it upsets you.

I think we are far enough down this thread, for to say that I think this is a lot of fuss about nothing. It seems perfectly normal behaviour to me, for a widowed father and his children. To now and again have a bonding session when they they think and talk about the woman, who as well as being the first wife of the man in question is the one and only biological mother of the children who were in their late teens when their mother died.

I did not watch the programme about Rio Ferdinand and his wife adjusting to life, on his remarriage after being widowed, but I read in the paper of one part of it that mary52 might meditate upon. When RF's present wife moved in their were pictures of his first wife everywhere, very necessary, with three very young children who have lost their mother. Wife No 2 found this disconcerting, so husband and wife discussed the issue and it was agreed that one room would be devoted to all the photos of her, so the children had one room, in general use that kept their birth mother in their lives, while the family also built their new family unit as well. A classic example of a husband and wife dealing with a difficult problem with sensitivity and understanding on both sides.

My Dad would never go out just with me
He said it would hurt my stepmothers feelings
So sad as he died shortly after
Seemed very unfair to me
She was a very selfish woman as proved by her will !

Why is it insensitive to plan it on mothers day?