Tips for dating, what red flags to look for?

Have you seen the film The Good Liar, starring Helen Mirren and Ian McKellen? Mind you, it might put you off dating anyone!

Make sure he doesn't have double standards. I met a man once who was very angry with the fact that I edited my photos in Photodiva to make myself a little bit prettier, because he was sure that it's a scam and a lie. Still, he had nothing against porn stars with their plastic surgeries and made up bodies. Disgusting!

Thank you all again for taking the time to post. There is lots of wonderful advice on here, a poster has summed it up better than me.

I'm naturally emotional, and always put 100 per cent into everything, all or nothing really. So these tips are great, to not get carried away with the future, but to enjoy it.

In later years surely you are looking for a companion first, to share life with, so he needs to be polite, respectful, honest and enjoy the things you do. So dont choose a man that likes Football, Golf and motor racing if you don’t like them, one or two interests that don’t match is OK.
A man that complains about everything, particularly his ex is very wearing, so one that speaks kindly, even if he does not agree with any issue. A man that is solvent you don’t want to be financing his lifestyle and DO NOT MARRY him.

Has he introduced you to his family and friends. Is he kind. Does he put you first. Does he take secretive phone calls. Is he open and honest. Is he full of excuses. Has he asked to borrow money or talked about plans that need 'investment'. Whatever you do, however you proceed dont let your friends go, you may need them. If he wants you to give up your friends then the red flags are out. You are never too old to find love and when you find 'the one' dont let selfish people spoil it for you. After my divorce my parents wanted me to be their private carer, dogsbody, whipping boy and its tough to stand against that. I found my lovely man after a lot of heartache but between my mother and his mother its a wonder we made it through.

Thank you for your comments which I have read several times. We have met 7 times now and I have found the red flag.

He is separated and the divorce isn't finalised. I have spoken to him and said I'm dating with view of marriage /living together. I don't want to be rebound woman etc.

He hasnt really mentioned her, seems like they grew apart. But, they were married 20 plus years and seperated just over a year.

He has messaged since saying we'll chat again in few weeks and he messaged to say enjoy a party I was going to, so he remembered.

He said he wouldn't involve me with the divorce, he isn't contesting anything, they're both financially OK, kids are adults it is just house to sort out. He recognised it will be stressful but he wouldn't involve me in it.

I'll be gutted if I don't see him again, I do think I've started to see develop feelings. But I don't want to be rebound, or the transition woman until he settles again. I'm pleased I spoke up and was honest.

He says we'll chat again in a few weeks, he is genuine bloke so he will. I need to see what he says, but my fear is that he thinks he's ready, we take it slow, and then he gets scared and he needs space. This has happened to me before which he now knows.

We haven't slept together, I'm not ready which he respects but we have had fabulous kisses.

Don't take this amiss, but I'm wondering why you need this to progress quite so quickly into the life changing heavy stuff.

I was going to post just take your time, enjoy what it is, but I can see you're wanting more than that.

Personally I wouldn't start to make a life with anyone until I'd known them for a couple of years. That's when the veneer starts to get a bit chipped and scratched!

I m sorry but I see red flags in a man that has only been separated a year after 20 + years marriage it is very, very early days for him
I also think telling him you are dating with a view to a marriage before the blokes even divorced is a big old mistakes, you do wear your heart on your sdleeve don’t you ?

He has messaged since saying we'll chat again *in few weeks and he messaged to say enjoy a party I was going to, so he remembered*
To an outsider that looks like a cooling off reply and don’t hang on to the fact he mentioned your party he may be a genuine thoughtful person
I hope this goes well for you but.......

Unless you are going to have children I would not be considering marriage to anyone far less telling a man you hardly know that you are looking for such a commitment.
I don’t think you will hear from him again.

Dear ineedamum, please read the other posts since you updated your post. They are wise and considered. Not only are there red flags regarding the current 'new man' but also a lot of your own red flags. You are expecting far too much far too soon. You are quite clear that you are looking for a long term committed relationship. This is fine but it doesn't happen overnight. I am happily repartnered but it took 12 years to find my lovely man.

First lesson is to learn to live happily and independently on your own. Then think about what you might want in a new partner and what are your personal deal breakers. These are very personal and we all have different ones. What are yours?

Good luck and slow down. ?

Thanks. I think I've probably pushed him away then. I think I was starting to get feelings for him, so maybe it is for the best. It's so rare to meet someone with similar interests and personality, but I don't want to be the rebound.