What would you do in my shoes, dear GN’s?

No, you cannot forgive him. This is definitely the last straw. See a recommended family lawyer and be brave. Your children dearly love you, this is obvious and you will have their support. Be brave and look forward to a new life, one of freedom - to make new friends, be with your family as much as you wish to and live in a peaceful, loving home. Good luck.

I would advise you to put behind you what has happened in the past, forgive yourself it sounds as though your daughter has otherwise she wouldn’t be traveling to see you.
I know through personal experience that if you are married and changed the locks you would have to give him a key.
Is he putting money into your joint account or is it just yours if he hasn’t then I would transfer it all into an account in your name.
Life is to short to be so unhappy, I’m 62 and left my first husband after 20 years, it was only after talking to a solicitor I realised the emotional pain and abuse he had inflicted on me.
I left a beautiful home And moved into a bedsit until I had a settlement.
I’m not saying you should move out but at least see a solicitor you maybe surprised of your rights like I was.
I have now been happily married to my second husband for over 20 years so it just goes to show you can start over again and make a new life for yourself and it will be easier when you only have yourself to think about.
Good luck I’m thinking of you please let us know how it goes we are all here to offer support and hugs when you need them??

It's easy for others to judge you for putting your husband before the children without knowing the facts. If he has been manipulative, and controlling, he will have eroded your self-esteem to the point where you hardly know what you believe anymore. Be kind to yourself, forgive yourself. It sounds like your children are sympathetic, which is a plus.

Another plus is that you own the house, you are really in a good position. If you see a solicitor and start divorce proceedings, the money will get sorted out and if he won't go, you can take him to court and get an injunction. None of this is pleasant, but it sounds like the spikes in the garden were the last straw, giving you the strength to see it through.

I know exactly how you feel and living with the guilt is terrible . You need to see a solicitor and get a them to write a letter for eviction . If then he doesn't move out the solicitor can escalate it further . Good luck you deserve to be happy .

You will spend the rest of your life miserable and unhappy , no one deserves that.. Help him find a flat to rent even offer SOME ! support if he moves out for good x

My goodness, I got to the ‘little f****r part and had to reply. What a vile horrible man. Why on earth are you staying with him? He is a lowlife and anyone who could treat innocent little people the way he does deserves to live a lonely old age. Get out now and move nearer your family. Make the most of the years you have left and don’t waste them on that b^**^*d. Good luck. Xxx

I would echo the MOVE FAST advice; secure your money and check that standing orders etc have not been cancelled so that you don't suddenly receive red demands for utilities; check insurances are still in your name etc, remove possessions to which you are attached to a safe place, preferably out of the house, and tell your children to be on their guard. All the above happened to a colleague I worked with as her husband, who had left her for her best(!) friend, did everything to disrupt her life during and after the divorce. If your husband does leave, inform the neighbours; my colleague was notified at work that her husband was breaking into her house to claim the television he decided was his; he couldn't get it, so he took possessions belonging to his daughter from the garage and refused to return them unless he had the television. Had to be sorted out , expensively, by the court.

What a terrible situation. You need to get rid of this evil man forever. Get him out of your life. Get down to your solicitor and find out how to GET RID!! Don't wait and don't hesitate at all. Do it NOW!!

Dear. OP, I hope you read this. I’m 65 and was with my ex for 20 years. I knew he was no good but like you, I loved and put up with it. Like you, after many years I suddenly reached my tipping point. There was no way back.
I spoke to my GP and a counsellor and was referred to a Women’s Aid counsellor because I had been emotionally and mentally abused for years - I didn’t know, I had no bruises, I just got on with the not speaking, the silences, the no sex, no love, hiding in another room.
Take 1/2 the money out of the bank and any investments
See a solicitor
See your GP
Find a good counsellor
Reach out to friends for support
Build up your fortress of support in any way that entails for you.
You are still young. You don’t have to put up with this now you have realised the true nastiness of the man.
I wish you luck and love. You can do this. From your post I can see that you are so very much stronger than you think

You are still a young woman and deserve to be happy and be free to see your children and grandchildren whenever you want. Don’t let this horrible bully control you with his anger and hate any more. Be strong and move on.
Coercive control it what this is all about, get some help to get him out and don’t look back.

I’m so sorry that you have this life. My stomach turned over when I read it as you are still so young. Seek professional advice and get him to hell out of there. I’m sending you love and hugs and please stay strong.

I changed the locks, told him I lost my key. Best thing I ever did

One of the questions I ask myself in difficult situations is 'what would I do if I wasn't scared'
It helps. Good luck. Sounds like in spite of everything you and your kids have a great relationship.

*Nannan2’. No it didn’t ‘have to be said‘.

Erm I not sure you can Force him out. It's the marital home. In fact he could get half when/if you divorce.

You can ask him to move out. Make an appointment with a solicitor ASAP to get advice.

A reasonable spouse would leave, give you some space, in the hope of reconciliation.

Please get advice.

Well done you for finally leaving!! It takes guts - and usually a crisis like this - to finally leave a man who is so controlling. You should look into 'healing from narcissistic abuse' to set you on the road to recovery and thriving. Melanie Tonia Evans is great. It's never too late - I left my third narcissistic relationship five years ago and have been happily on my own ever since. It's fantastic that your children and grandchildren are doing so well. Congratulations. You rock!

You have had lots of advice on how to get rid of this obnoxious man. On a more practical note, if the family are still going to visit you need to deal with the spikes, for your own peace of mind. As a temporary measure you can simply wrap them thoroughly in plastic bags, or strips of fabric and tape or tie it in place.
I hope that you can find a quick and happy resolution to your sad situation. Imagine how good it would feel to live your own life without his sulks and silences, especially if you can make a fresh start living nearer to your family.
Good luck xx

He's nasty and he is making you unhappy. Stick to your word. Open a new bank account in your own name and seek legal advice, you can get half an hour free in a lot of places. And you need someone to confide in and support you. I'm 66 and find life is he without a grumpy bloke around. Good luck.

If he won't leave then I would get some legal advice, otherwise you could put his belongings outside and get the locks changed whilst he was out of the house. Even though the house is in your name he may well have a claim for part of the value if he can show he put anything into the maintenance of the property or the upkeep (this happened to a friend whose long term partner won the right to 50% of the value of the property because he did all the repairs and decorating etc whilst he lived there).

Shocking and disgusting behaviour, this man clearly has no concern for your feelings whatsoever. Yes get legal advice ASAP and get rid of him.

One of the reasons I got rid of my two exes was because of how they were with the children (one was the father of the children). I stayed too long with both of them - don't know why, but I'm so relieved I'm no longer with them.

Get legal advice, stick to your guns, maybe see a solicitor with one of your AC for support. It will get easier and you and your family will be much happier without him. He doesn't deserve you and your family. What a nasty piece of work. Such men should be on their own!

Since this man has not been physically violent I think his behaviour could be categorised as coercive control,which is now recognised as a form of abuse. You are a saint to have put up with this all this time, but the problem with thsee cases that the control builds up over the years so that it almost becomes a way of life and the victim begins to and accept it as normal so that the perpetrator becomes more and more controlling.

However, the last straw for me would be his dismissal of the metal spikes as something for which he has no concern. The solution is I would have thought obvious - don't waste any more time, get a builder to remove the spikes and take the money out of your joint account but please be aware that he could well empty the account so do not waste any time taking out your share,ie the money you have paid in and be sure that you are able to prove that the money you are removing really is your's.

I think I may have said this before but years of working in a bank tsught me that joint accounts are often a very bad idea. Keep your money in your own name.

He is not a happy peaceful loving man and may never be. Life is too short. You can ask a solicitor who offers 30 mins free advice or CAB for free advice. Good luck ? x

Cuckooz - you are living with a man who is emotionally controlling you although on the surface it might not look that way. Your celibate life and his complete unwillingness to enter into any family-type role suggests he is only with you out of convenience but it's his convenience and not yours. Additionally, by not attending to potential dangers in your garden he is causing you mental anguish. If he won't leave the house, you can call the police and say he is emotionally abusing you which he is - presumably this visit from your AC and GC is the first in many months since the beginning of lockdown and will be very important to you. Additionally, his blatant disregard for your GC's safety is another issue you can report to the police. You need to feel that you and your CG are safe in the house that is in your name and if he is making you feel unsafe in any way you can report him and maybe a visit to the house will shake him up into believing that you want him out. Do not leave yourself, and do not give him anything. Do consult a family solicitor - you can usually get the first hour free. At 63 you have years ahead of you and whilst you might not meet someone else who might be a decent grandfather to your GCs, you will at least feeling happier in yourself. At the same time, don't listen to those who may ask why you stayed with such a horrid man all this time - there are valid reasons for this and you are probably carrying lots of shame about it, so take yourself to a counsellor and deal with that too. Good luck.