Getting Married

"They wanted us to get married at a later date so all their family could be present."
That 'later date' could be a long way away. A loooong way .

"Covid made us sit up and think about the legal side of our relationship (especially as we have been shielding)"
I think it has focussed a lot of people on what's important. You mention shielding, so I assume if (at least) one of you got ill, it would be dangerous? So yes, best to sort out everything in advance. You could make wills, declaring each to be next-of-kin to each other etc. - but it takes care of all that (and more) if you just go ahead and marry.

Your plan is a sensible one. Civil ceremony now, family celebration when safe. His children's objections to marrying now could leave them as next-of-kin and in control of your life. Yes, I am cynical.

Get married how you want to. How dare they do this to you. Enjoy your day and don't give them a thought. x

Go ahead with your plans. We don’t know when things will return to normal.
Congratulations to you both& enjoy your wedding.

As I said earlier, I support the OPs plan.

I’m just curious if “your“ child Chose to only invite their other parent, would everyone here feel the same re: their wedding/their choice?

Just get married and grab two witnesses off the street, family needn’t know until of course they notice a ring on your finger.

Congratulations on your day.

I think that it would have been better to have gone ahead without involving your ACs.
Not a good idea to say ‘we are getting married yaaaay’ but you can’t come, well some can and some can’t.
I can see trouble ahead, but if you are prepared for that then it’s something you have to deal with.
I would be very hurt if I was asked to draw straws to attend my Mother or Fathers wedding.

What you are planning is far from unusual. My brother did it a few years ago. He was a widower and he was marrying a wonderful lady who was divorced as her husband had left her to go off with his secretary (what a cliche!). As they were both Christian's they wanted a church blessing so had a formal legal ceremony with just two witnesses. A couple of days later they had their church blessing with all their family and friends there. They class that date as being their wedding date. Now my nephew is doing the same. He and his fiancee live in Germany. Apparently if anyone is hospitalised with Corvid only a spouse can visit. Consequently lots of living together couples are getting married. My nephew is having a just them and witnesses wedding in the immediate future and are having a big wedding celebration in a few months.

So pleased you went ahead and booked it. Enjoy...wishing health, wealth and happiness. ?

janipans
First of all, Congratulations!

No matter how well meant, requesting you wait until this Pandemic is over (..and who knows when that might be?) sounds very unreasonable to me.

Having said that, the idea of one child each sounds lovely, but there could be more turmoil to come that could be avoided. Alternatives? One close friend of each...another couple, perhaps? Just saying.

You've already waited 12 years! When two people decide to get married, they also decide 'how, where and when'. Everyone else should just give them their blessing.

Congratulations! Your wedding, your choice.

Congratulations janipans; I hope you have a fabulous day and that the sun shines for you. Your families will get over it.

Just do it! It’s your life, your day, your choice. Your own children have been really understanding so far so I’m sure they’ll understand if you pick two strangers off the street or a couple of good friends as your witnesses. Many congratulations and good wishes for your future together x

You should have just done it ... in fact just do it and have a blessing / wedding next year ... they don’t even need to know . My son had a legal wedding but his “ real” wedding was an amazing outside handfasting affair which everyone regards as their true wedding !!

younger people think they'll live forever.

Not much I'd say to your post except:
1: Congratulations - it's your decision and I wish you both all the best for many more happy years together.
2: It's probably sensible to get the legalities sorted out as life has a nasty habit of throwing curveballs at us.
3: Do whatever suits you, is acceptable to you, feels right for you. This is your day so do not allow anyone to dictate any part of it
4: Coronavirus has already impacted thousands worldwide - everything is weird, out of the ordinary, done differently etc. While in a perfect world it might've been nice to wait a while, to have all your family present to bear witness to your wedding vows, to have a party, a honeymoon etc - these are not perfect times
5: You have a right to happiness - don't let anyone sour your day - make it sweet for you. Have a great day and enjoy your lives together as a married couple. Congratulations again

Are witnesses the same as guests at the ceremony? Surely you can have more than 4 in the room? Anyway it sounds as though you have booked the date so I'd agree with reiterating your invitation to OH's DC, or say you will have to go ahead with another of your children or a friend. The idea about explaining that the ceremony is the 'legal' day is a good one. If it is that only 2 people can be in the room with you how about investigating the possibility of a live link so they can log in and watch? I think it's fairly widespread during Covid times and could be free of charge. You could also provide a piece of cake and suggest they all raise a glass as the ceremony finishes, or do something that is special to your families. Your children have done as you asked though so should not be penalised for the other side of the family refusing to co-operate. Stick to your plans, it is your day, and have 2 lovely days of celebration.

I think I'd just go and do it, either without telling any of them or with - as witnesses - your own children who seem to be willing and happy for you to do this on the small scale that is necessary just now. Good luck - hope it goes well.

From Saturday Boris is allowing 30 guests at weddings. Move quickly though or he might change his mind again.

Do it I bent over backwards for family when we got married I now regret not just doing what WE wanted x

Under normal circumstances we would still have had a registry office wedding but with all the family etc and a celebration of some sort afterwards (probably a posh meal). However, The reality is that my OH has medical issues which necessitated both of us shielding completely and has been very ill and very "down".
Our families were aware that we intended to get married at some stage but Covid led us to examine our own mortality and so we decided that getting married would tick that off our bucket list and give us something to look forward to. It has also given us a much needed "lift" .... and we are just ignoring anyone who can't just be happy for us.
Thank you everyone for your comments - sometimes you just need to tell someone (even if it's a group of strangers) what's bothering you to make yourself feel better - "a problem shared ...!"

That's good to hear janipans.
Do whatever will make both of you happy.

Rules changed again from tomorrow, 30 guests back on, what was the point of changing it for two weeks?!

Son's friends were due to get married tomorrow. They hung on till the last minute, then cancelled. But it could have gone ahead!

I feel very sorry for people having to change their plans every few weeks, B9exchange, It must be so stressful.

In the normal course of events, I could understand their disappointment but I see why you feel it might be necessary to marry now rather than wait. I think it is quite unkind and unreasonable of them, especially as you have said there will be a big family celebration at a later date.

Go ahead as you planned. It is your day. OH should invite a friend.