Getting Married

I agree with all bluebelle has said

Agree totally. Go for it and many congratulations to you both. Xx

Your day, your choice, they are adults and should understand if they don`t that`s their problem.

I don't have any advice BUT massive congratulations to you both

I would ask your soon to be DH to tell his children that you are going ahead and would really like one of them to be a witness.
If they still refuse then zi would ask both your children to witness the Ceremony.
All the best .

My daughter got married just before lockdown and aside from her best friends,who were witnesses ,only myself and her 3 young children attended, plus the groom's daughter. She wanted to keep.it small so didn't invite her siblings or any other family. I don't think anyone was offended. They were lucky with the timing and managed to have a a party the next weekend for all their other friends and family. Just do it and good luck. It's your day

Three years ago my lovely granddaughter got married and because her chosen venue didn't have the necessary licence she and her husband had the actual marriage in the local registry office the day before with just her parents ( my daughter and her OH) partners parents but also my other daughter and granddaughters siblings. In fact, quite a little gathering with lunch afterwards.
It never occurred to me to get upset that I wasn't there. The main wedding was lovely and they had a celebrant to repeat their vows under a tree in front of all the family and friends.
We had a fabulous time and to everyone there it was the real wedding.
So, do it your way janipans and hopefully your stepchildren will grow up about it.

My daughter had to cancel her wedding this year. Hopefully it will go ahead next year. She decided she wanted all her friends and family to enjoy the occasion with her so she is prepared to wait

Not quite sure of current guidelines but can you not go and "do the deed" and meet your children at a restaurant straight afterwards? just a thought. Hope all goes well for you

Just say you are going to re think the whole situation
Then go ahead& marry in the registry office with two witnesses, unrelated.
Later have your big party with a Celebrant & a ceremony & ALL the children as witnesses.
Done deal ?

Go ahead with it and both your agreeable kids as witnesses!
Perhaps for the sake of diplomacy your OH's kid's should be told this will happen with or without them, so they have one last chance to nominate a witness. Otherwise go right ahead and refuse to be strong armed.
Good luck!

You can have a church blessing later (with a posh frock and a big party.)

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I would get legally married to safeguard both of your interests if the worst should happen.

Have a big party later maybe.

Your decision not theirs. Maybe tell them nicely that you are going ahead anyway and would they like to decide which sibling attends or else you will just ask someone else. Very disappointing for you but try not to let this spoil your day.

Ultimately it’s your choice. Doing it alone to stop any bad feelings is a good idea. But, for me a wedding isn’t just about the bride and groom. It’s a family affair, which should be celebrated by the two families coming together.

Unless its a rush??? job, you have managed to wait this long in making it legal isn't a wedding not just bride and groom but bringing both families together in celebration. Personally I would wait just that little bit longer when you can celebrate with both families present.

Hi Janipans, Like so much of the advice I would certainly just go for it, I met my now OH, when my eldest daughter was 2yrs old, so he has always been dad to her, and he moved in with me, when our eldest was 8 we had our 2nd daughter and when she was 3 yrs old we decided to get married, we had been engaged for 5yrs, I have 2 older sisters who have never gotten along and a younger brother, my OH, has 3 brothers and a sister, so we have quite a big extended family, I didn't need or want a big wedding because we already had our house and children so the reason for marriage apart from the obvious was so I had the same surname as my OH and DD's, and I knew there was absolutely no way of pleasing everyone and I didn't want to try as the day was about us and our girls, so we went to our parish priest and ask him to marry us, it was on a Thursday night and we told NO ONE, apart from needing 2 witnesses who were my OH youngest brother and his wife, and our 2 girls were there too, but about an hour before we were due to marry I felt I couldn't do it without my mum being present and my OH felt the same about his mum, so we went on the phone in time to have our mothers present too, so it was only the 2 of us with the 2 girls and 2 witnesses and our 2 mums, we went for dinner&drinks afterward (had already told our babysitters, who were sworn to secrecy), and the next day we took our girls to Blackpool for the weekend and once all of our family were told we married we organised a reception for the weekend following, we had a fantastic time because we pleased ourselves and if I could go back and have a big wedding, I wouldn't!!, we've been married for 22yrs now and have 4 daughters and 2 wee grandsons, you have to please NO ONE but yourselves, and you can have a good reception when times allow, hope all goes well for you. xx

Congratulations. Your wedding - so you call the shots. If they don't want anything to do with it, rope in your other child as a witness. It is not a knees-up for them to enjoy - it is a celebration to unite you as a couple. End of story.

Same thing happened to us. We decided to take two friends as witnesses and no family at all. It was perfect. Family event and celebration on a different day.

The "it's your wedding, so your choice" group should remember that family feelings can be strong, and I have known problems to linger long after the event. Whilst I would bend over backwards to agree with a couple's choice, I have known bitterness to spoil relationships, and think it better to sort out problems beforehand, and at least write a personal note to everyone not invited saying why it is not possible.

My sister and I were rather hurt when my father married (for the third time) without us being invited (his bride's choice.) We didn't make a fuss but we weren't chuffed.

The marriage was annulled within a couple of years.

I am in a similar situation to the OP and we have been considering the options; as one each of our two offspring apiece live abroad we have a little more cause to just have one child from each side present. I quite like the idea of Zooming the ceremony after dispatching a bottle of champagne each to the non-participating children so they can toast our health, with the promise of a decent shindig next year.

No decisions yet though!

It's your choice. Go ahead and good luck for the future.

Mmm. I’m going against the tide with this one but have thought about this myself as I’ve known people who have just gone off and got it done. One couple did it two weeks after they came to our wedding and didn’t even mention it. I found it hurtful.
How would you feel if one of your children wanted to get married this way? I accept its your wedding ,your rules but I can see the other side of it.

Can you not have up to twenty guests now?