Unwanted Gift

I think after 2 hours I would have smothered him with the cushion.

how about him giving you what you need, and deserve:
respect, a calm supportive atmosphere, consideration.

Family.... we love them and despair of them in equal measure!
My husband says if it's an object causing problems (or something lost, stolen, etc) then why sweat it?
Its p

It's people that matter, not things.
Work with your son to find solutions. I find agreeing with people then doing my own thing is the best way to go.
Been doing it all my life!! ?

agree. put the cushion under your bed, or on it. these people are looking for a fight. it makes them feel superior. then in October tell your son you do not need a christmas present but a gift card to the local groceries will let you buy foods you don't buy very often because they are expensive. or if you drink, wine. I am 60 and have told all my children that I only want consumable gifts now because my house is full. As for the 2 hours stuff - I understand. It is about venting on their part. makes them feel superior. so, next time, try changing the subject. offering tea and biscuits, telling him you have a doctor appointment in 30 minutes and have to go. or if you invited him over, tell him ahead of time that you are meeting up with a friend at x 0'clock. that will put a short interaction timeline. Unfortunately, mothers/sons/daughters gets a bit yucky at times when you get older. good luck.

I wouldn’t have anybody harangue me for 2 hours about any subject ! Especially my son who can’t choose a wife without 2 or 3 attempts. If anyone has a problem it’s him....

Naninka, my sons and I have to work as a team, so that solution is not possible, otherwise good idea.

Saggi, if my son has a problem I do wish I could help him with it if I possibly can.

Haranguing is a form of bullying.
Unacceptable in anyone.
Perhaps this is how he spoke to his wives as your reaction reminds him of them.
Own your own feelings.
'When you said this to me, I felt ...........'
Or, 'As you are speaking to me, I feel...... I am going to leave this conversation now as I am u
uncomfortable'

Hi,

Firstly, from what you've said here, I understand that you did not dislike this gift but merely don't have space/use for it, which i believe you've explained to your son, politely without any hint of malice.

I appreciate that you don't wish to offend your ex-daughter-in-law and i believe that if you were to contact her directly and explain the situation but reiterate that you are truly grateful for her generosity, she should understand your predicament and happily exchange the cushion for something more appropriate.

You intimate that your son has at least two ex-wives and I'm not surprised if he spoke to them the way he belittled you. I don't believe that he really knows anything about how the gift giver would feel about your inability to find a use for this gift, which is why I suggest you contact her directly.

The issue with the grass rake feels as though he knows that you either have no grass or already have a grass rake and that he wants you to tell him to keep it himself. It seems that he is very argumentative and even by telling him that you don't want any further gifts he's likely to ignore you. I think your best course of action is to just tell him that you don't feel you can accept anything unless it's something you've specifically told him you need or would like.

Alexa, you sound like such a lovely lady. You really shouldn’t be worrying about being a good mother as you plainly are.
But you’re son is being less than thoughtful to you.
My suggestion is simply to ask in future for any gifts to be of time, but, unless it’s a problem outside, a dinner date or a trip somewhere. Afternoon tea is nice. Then explain the cause of your consternation. I’d get in quick before he starts his Christmas shopping though!!

I'm afraid the son seems very controlling to me, evidenced by his attitude over the cushion and also the grass rake. When you don't respond in the way he feels is appropriate, he becomes overbearing.

Plenty of good suggestions for alternative gifts on here, vouchers, flowers, chocs, meals out - all good ideas. If you live in a small house, you're not going to need more 'stuff'.

Tell him...

Absolutely, dogsmother, I will get this list made asap.

I think if you have said your piece and he still keeps haranguing you, Alexa, you really need to have a firm, "You have said how you feel, I've listened and now I need to drop the discussion," response up your sleeve. If your son can't accept your desire to stop the conversation then that lacks respect.
Maybe you could ask him for a self-assertive class for your next Birthday or Christmas.

You son seems very inconsiderate and bullish towards you. Don't let him harangue you in thus was it is totally unacceptable. You were pleased with the cushion and liked it but found you could not use it, nothing wrong with that. Your son is aware of the space you live in and should have taken that into account. You mention his ex wives, so more than one, perhaps his attitude is to blame. Your gift to do what you like with it. Don't lose sleep over it, you are in the right and sound like a lovely kind caring person.