Can't do this marriage anymore

Get some professional advice first. You need to get all your ducks in a row and know exactly what you are entitled to financially from this marriage before taking the next step. Life is short so don't live it like this. I divorced my husband on mental cruelty grounds and although things were tough at times, bringing up 5 children on my own, the freedom from him was worth it. Put things in motion now and enjoy the rest of your life.

When OH went off the rails, he moved out after a half hour free session with a lawyer curtesy of CAB. 3 choices, legal separation, divorce or a no hassles or worry separation. When the house he was renting came up for sale, he wanted a divorce. I told him half the house and half his pension. I had the house, he had his pension. 7 years later, no divorce and he died. His house and pension became mine. Our daughters did very well and started on the property ladder. We found out after his death that most of his problems were ill health.

Maddy68

Thank you so much to everyone for all the wonderful responses, excellent suggestions and lovely support. I will be rereading your messages over this week and in the months to come as I make plans to leave and move on in my life. I appreciate it being pointed out that abuse is not always physical. I have had a hard time seeing that in the past and told myself it wasn't that bad but the cumulative effects of dealing with his problems and the way he lives his life can only be called emotionally abusive and controlling. So, I am going to take what all have said and put something into play here and will give status reports as time goes on lol. Hopefully by this time next year, God willing, I will be able to post pics of me in my new place; happy and free! Thank you to all!

Just checking that you are progessing matters and you are not being dragged further down into depression.

There is so much wisdom in this thread. I hope you are ok Maddy. Two weeks ago I left a marriage of 32 years that had always been emotionally abusive. I was so scared to leave, but I could see I wasn't going to live much longer if I stayed as I was suicidal and had stopped taking care of myself.

At times I have been overwhelmed with panic, guilt and misery since I left, but I am gradually getting better. Today I just felt so sad that I wasted so many years of my life with someone as mean as my ex. I could have been with someone who loved me instead and been happy, but I chose badly when young and once in the clutches of my ex I became so ground down and felt so worthless I couldn't see a way to leave.

I am really happy to read this thread and find women, who have left marriages like mine, who have thrived since. I wonder what percentage of men behave like my ex. No one would have guessed he was such a tyrant at home, he was always sociable and supportive to everyone else but me.

Just another thing, make a will leaving anything you have to your son, a solicitor will help you word it so that it is understood to be in anticipation of leaving the relationship
When I did that I had to split the joint tenancy and they do let him know if the house is jointly owned so make sure that you have things in hand before you do it, but do do the will x