Gransnet forums

Relationships

Spending time together

(58 Posts)
Sophiasnana Wed 14-Oct-20 21:33:43

I dont know whether I have a problem or not. My husband and I have been married for over 30 years, both in our sixties and have a happy marriage, apart from the fact we like completely different things on tv. The upshot is, every night of the week, for the last ten years or so, we sit in different rooms, watching different things on tv! Sometimes I think its ok, then friends talk about snuggling up watching films together, and it makes me sad. I also think of how one of us will be alone in the future, and will we regret not spending the time together? Any advice?

OceanMama Wed 14-Oct-20 21:36:31

Is there any common ground you can find on something to watch together? If not, what about TV free nights where you talk and have tea together, or playing games? What about taking an evening walk together? Gardening? Some other interest you can have together outside TV?

NotTooOld Wed 14-Oct-20 21:53:34

We have different tastes in TV but prefer to spend evenings together so I watch Escape to the Chateau for the umpteenth time and he suffers Coronation Street. We do agree on University Challenge, Michael Portillo's railway programmes and Grand Designs, though, so all is not lost! It's all about give and take really.

Sar53 Wed 14-Oct-20 22:08:09

We only have one tv and have different tastes on what we like to watch. I tend to catch up in the afternoons with anything I really want to see and DH watches early evening. We often watch a film together in the evenings. There are some things we both enjoy and we try and give and take on times when one likes something more than the other. This seems to work for us.

M0nica Wed 14-Oct-20 22:11:44

We have very different tastes in tv watching, but fortunately neither watches tv very much. We also have a long living room. So if DH is watching tv and I am not interested, I sit in a chair some distance from the tv and read or sew and he just reads or sleeps when I am watching the tv.

We are quite happy to be in different parts of the house in the evening doing different things.

When you are retired you are with each other for most of the day so it should be quite possible for you to spend time apart in the evening without it later being a cause for regret.

I have been happily married for over 50 years and we have never felt any need to live in each others pockets and I doubt either will regret it when they are left alone. We are two very independent people who have lived the lives that suited us. What other people do is fine for them, we live our life our way.

Jane10 Wed 14-Oct-20 22:27:03

We have separate TVs as we both like such different programmes. However, there are some programmes that we both enjoy so we join forces for them. We're both happy that way.

tidyskatemum Wed 14-Oct-20 22:32:23

We’re just watching Abigail’s Party on BBC 4 and cringing.......

Doodledog Wed 14-Oct-20 22:47:07

We often sit in different rooms in the evenings, too. As M0nica says, now that we are retired, it's not like we don't get to see one another.

PECS Wed 14-Oct-20 22:47:13

DH&I do have some shared TV likes and, especially recently, have enjoyed " binge" watching some series. We don't always like the same things though but we both have other interests so if we don't fancy watching something.

Cabbie21 Wed 14-Oct-20 23:15:53

It is a bit of an issue in our house. We do have a TV in the kitchen but it is tiny and not the most comfortable place to sit in the evening, so we normally sit together in front of the main TV. If DH weren’t here I would watch all sorts of different things. He will give in if it is something really special that I want to watch, but mostly I just go on my iPad, on various forums, or play games, if he is watching something which doesn’t interest me. We do both watch certain programmes, and watch a lot of repeats on catch up. I would like to watch more documentaries and less fiction. I know it sounds a bit pathetic, but it really is not worth making waves too often, so I just give in most of the time to keep him quiet.

anna7 Wed 14-Oct-20 23:42:47

We also like to watch different things on TV so we usually watch whatever we want on two different TVs in different rooms ( I have to admit I usually bag the big TV in the lounge, oh watches the smaller TV in the study) Then around 9pm or so we both watch something together, usually a box set or something. It works for us.

Maggiemaybe Thu 15-Oct-20 00:35:44

We’ve only got the one TV, so it’s just as well we tend to like the same things on the whole! Usually we can wangle it to be watching together between around 8 and 10ish if we’re in, often something we’ve recorded. Though sometimes just one of us is viewing, but the other’s usually in the same room doing something else (reading, crosswords, etc).

Unlike some earlier posters we tend to be together more in the late evenings than we are during the day.

Alexa Thu 15-Oct-20 00:54:21

Sophiasnana, I think you must be a very nice couple who will continue to be happy.

Hetty58 Thu 15-Oct-20 05:44:25

I've always had my own TV/reading room (in both marriages) and never felt the need to be glued to the side of a partner. I enjoy spending time alone!

Juliet27 Thu 15-Oct-20 06:35:09

Sometimes we watch the same thing and sometimes he goes to another room that has a tv. It’s the dog that snuggles with me...and that suits me fine!

Willow500 Thu 15-Oct-20 06:52:32

I spend a lot of time in my little cupboard office which is off the living room and have a TV in there so tend to watch some things on that or on YouTube while he has the main TV on. We like different things - he watches a lot of history programs which I find boring. Most nights we do end up sitting in the same room around 8 or 9pm before bed at 10. We've been married nearly 50 years so don't feel the need to be sellotaped together any more grin

Calendargirl Thu 15-Oct-20 06:53:35

We watch the 6 o clock news and the regional news together, then I go to the spare bedroom to watch on a smallish tv, and he stays in the sitting room.
Have done this for years, don’t see a problem.
As for ‘cuddling up on the sofa together’, more often than not it sounds like ‘battle of the remote’ from same room viewing, so I prefer our more civilised way.

Katyj Thu 15-Oct-20 07:03:51

We also have different viewing tastes but spend all day together most days, so don’t feel it’s a problem. I watch some of my things on the iPad he watches football on there too. I go up to bed at 9pm to read and dh stays down to watch whatever he wants.
You could still cuddle up and have a cosy time listening to music or talking.

Pantglas2 Thu 15-Oct-20 07:10:34

We do have another tv in the spare bedroom but neither of us watches it in these days of catch-up tv!

If there’s ever a clash we take it in turns to watch something live and t’other person catches up later that evening/week. Some things we both want to watch and others, not so much, so will read or listen to music with headphones.

We tend to spend our mornings and/or afternoons apart doing different things then like to join up again for the evenings and have always had a settee each!

Spangler Thu 15-Oct-20 07:16:18

Sophiasnana, if you really want time together get yourselves along to a dance school. You can't be more together than embraced in each other's arms as you dance round to, slow, slow, quick, quick, slow.

30 years or more of marriage makes you both comfortable in knowing that you don't have to do everything together. You wouldn't read a book together and for my wife and I, and many others too, we have separate bedrooms. So don't go getting anxious because others watch TV together.

As for the future, it's only natural to have some concern. When you made the vow until death you do part, death was never on the horizon. I worry two fold over that. Being bereaved over the loss of my darling wife, or, going first and leaving her alone to cope. My wish would be to emulate Prime Minister James Callaghan who died just 11 days after Audry, his beloved wife of 67 years.

JenniferEccles Thu 15-Oct-20 12:20:33

I don’t see a problem in watching different tv programmes in different rooms.
Think about those poor women forced to endure the dreaded football!

We watch most things together or one will read while the other watches something, but occasionally one will go in the other living room to watch something different.

Jaxjacky Thu 15-Oct-20 13:23:34

We tend to have the same taste including football, when there is a difference, we tend to watch together anyway might learn something new!

Kate1949 Thu 15-Oct-20 13:30:58

We sit in different rooms for a couple if hours most nights, him watching one thing, me another. Then we get together about 9 ish and find something we both want to watch. I've never thought if it as a problem. We've been married 51 years.

jusnoneed Thu 15-Oct-20 13:35:04

We rarely spend time together in the evening. My OH goes up to his bedroom sometime between 7 and 8pm to watch whatever he wants (especially football) and I stay downstairs as I don't have a tv in my bedroom. He will watch some things on his laptop in the afternoons, but the main tv doesn't usually go on until about 7pm. Only weekends we might watch something sport during the day.
He also goes out one or two evenings most weeks in normal circumstances. I used to as well but just about all the group I met up with have moved away (lucky devils) or simply don't go out anymore.
We have never done much together as far a socialising goes and have always had a different set of friends in the main. He was born and bred here so knows far more people than I do.

Been together for over 40 years so it works fine. Haven't wanted to cuddle up on the sofa for a very long time lol.

B9exchange Thu 15-Oct-20 13:44:08

Have to confess I am not really that bothered about watching TV, it seems to be on sport most of the time with the remote at DH's side. I like medical programmes so if there is no sport on will watch one of those perhaps, but really not going to make a song and dance about it. I also may be in the office on my laptop.