So disappointed - what should I do now?

If you stay with this man for whatever reason. You will have a lifetime of unhappiness.
You are worth so much more than the wolf in sheep’s clothing will ever offer you.
Even if you don’t love yourself enough to end it.
Think about what example you are setting for your children.
Would you ever want them to think that this sort of behaviour is acceptable.
Please don’t give into this manipulative narcissistic man. You will eventually look back and wonder why you hadn’t ended it earlier.
Be strong.
You CAN do this.

What a horrible dirty disgusting man saving hundreds explicit photos from hook up sites when he supposed to be with you !
Then to flaunt his platonic woman friend in front of you by constantly on text messages to her . He has absolutely no respect for you whatsoever. Leave him , you are still young enough to start again , and I’d tell everyone what an awful dirty deceitful man he is . Best of luck ?

I agree with other GNs here. Get out of this relationship now. There's a song which I recommend to anyone who needs to leave a relationship; I've mentioned it previously on GN. It's: "Shut up and Drive" by Chely Wright. (Not to be confused with another song of the same title by Rihanna.) Link here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=j6NmMe7RYhk
A line from this song is: "And you'll only miss the man that you wanted him to be". IMO, this says it all.....

I agree with other posts that you should ditch this man. At least you don't live together so it should be slightly easier. If it is possible perhaps you can arrange to still visit his disabled son and still see his grandchildren, although perhaps not to provide childcare as they are all innocents in this. Personally I would speak privately with the grandchildren's mother and explain that you are splitting up (you don't need to go into detail) just say that you no longer have anything in common, but stress that you are fond of the grandchildren and don't want them to be hurt.

Run for the hills and be glad you found out now.

He is using you Jac64. Having got so tied up with his family it will be very difficult to walk away. but walk away you must otherwise you will never have a life of your own.

Ditto what everyone says here. I was in a similar situation with a very manipulative and charming man. It was only when I got out I realised ho much I had invested in him emotionally and how he took advantage. Please get out with your house, life and sanity intact!

This is me .......

He isn't called Colin is he? I found out that my then partner was behaving in a similar fashion very early on in our relationship. He was contrite and apologetic, said he would never do it again and I forgave him and we moved on. Of course, he carried on regardless and by the time I found the strength to end it four years had passed. End it now. Please. And block him from everything!

Just agreeing with all the others- its a shame for the kids but not your fault at all.Why dont 'second wives'- or 'next partners' realise- these divorced men or ones who have kids from previous 'relationships' but no partner- well, they're NOT that way for nothing! Their previous wives or partners don't divorce or leave them for no good reason.

Take control Jac. While ever this continues he is controlling you and your family. Don't let him do this to you, you don't need this in your life. Be strong, stick your chin out and move forwards. It will be hard and miserable but you know in your heart that it's the right thing to do. I'm just starting to recover from a huge disappointment and it's been bloody awful at times but take your first step as soon as you can. The sooner you take the step the nearer you are to removing this untrustworthy, dishonest and weak person from your life. All the very best.

I don't know if you have ever posted or read any threads on GN before you posted Jac64, but the fact that everyone is unanimous tells it all. We disagree about many things on here, sometimes to the extent that the thread gets pulled, so please take notice of this phenomenon and leave him. Don't explain, don't apologise. He has used his family, his grandchildren as an emotional net to draw you in. I suspect you are not his first victim and won't be the last.

You’re worth far more than this. Get out now and find the sort of man you deserve x ?

I’m really sorry but he’s not trustworthy. You deserve someone much better than that. I RS better to be single than in a relationship with someone you can’t trust. Really. You’ll just keep getting hurt x

Jac64

I still gave young teen children who like him very much, and his disabled son calls me his stepmom. I have his grandkids every weekend.

I feel like the ground has fallen away from under my feet

He's using you. Run for the hills.

No it would be a big mistake to 'continue' to see his son and GC on a regular basis- as he will always have a hold on you- maybe you can visit them before xmas- give a gift but say you are moving away for a job or something so wont be seeing them or the grandad again. (but tell GC's parents you are really splitting from their dad?) but that you don't want to hurt the kids- then tell this man the (real) truth too, but say you are telling the 'job' excuse to his disabled son too-as you don't want to hurt the lad- (making sure he knows you won't be in their lives anymore) as he will probably take that like the GC? But then make a clean break.Hard but worth it in long run.You will never get anywhere with a man who 'always has his eye out for something else coming along'

Blimey, Doodles202, did we have the same partner? Or is it in the name? I had the same thing with a Colin!

Jac64, I don't know your back story but there is obviously something that attracts you to abusers and you really need to get some help for that because this man is using and abusing you with his actions. No doubt, this will leave you feeling lower in your self-esteem and then you are vulnerable again for the next charming abuser who happens along. Exploring your choices with a therapist will help you understand why this happens and how you can guard against this.
Why dont 'second wives'- or 'next partners' realise- these divorced men or ones who have kids from previous 'relationships' but no partner- well, they're NOT that way for nothing! Their previous wives or partners don't divorce or leave them for no good reason.
Nannan2, on that basis, anybody who ended up divorced would live a very lonely life. I made terrible choices as a young person as I'd had a chaotic childhood that didn't give me the tools to navigate relationships. If my 3rd husband hadn't been very patient, got me help and taught me some life skills, I'd have been one of those people that would have been a pariah.

I do feel for you as experienced something similar. I was told things would change or I had misunderstood etc. I realised that by accepting this more than once I’d given him permission to carry on as I didn’t set the tight boundary of what was actually acceptable for me and for someone to be with me. You’ve come on here and people have given you great advice too and although it will be hard nothing is worth being treated like this -history of past relationships comes into play with this and we may sometimes feel foolish for having had this happen to us again being mistreated and thought of as daft. Luckily now you do know the truth and you know that you have always survived. Sod the holidays and what his kids call you that’s just the mess of what his behaviour has caused but set the boundary for yourself on how you want to be treated and go - block phone numbers and come off online or block online and move on. There truly are good people out there and good relationships but just start to enjoy being you. Good luck you’ve got this. (Btw all the “specialists” will tell you this type of addiction doesn’t change without a whole lot of desire on his part )

As other people have said you deserve better.
Get out NOW don’t wait please
Be strong! who cares about next years holiday and you might not be able to go anyway due to covid. Think of yourself not his children or grand children ... they are not yours they are his... and he DOES NOT DESERVE YOU .. don’t waste your life and your love on this man ... Finish it now ... it will be hard but so worth it ... please let us know

You need to leave him NOW. Try not to look back. This is a destructive relationship and it will be you who is destroyed in the end....x

He is a sleazy dirty old man.
Walk away with your head held high and your self respect intact.
Be strong. Don’t look back.
Have a good life.

Jac64 - sorry you're in this situation. You call this man your 'partner' but he's not. Partner implies two people but there are at least three in your relationship - a bit like Diana, Charles and Camilla. You need to get out of this immediately because as you don't live together, you don't actually know that there are only three of you - there may be others - you are placing yourself in jeopardy both physically and emotionally. Start afresh and make sure he sees all the evidence and must confront the cheat that he is.

He's basically a user and chose you because you're kind.

Your life is worth more than this.
You'll never be happy in this situation.
Be brave and do the right thing. xx

He obviously uses the 'poor me' tactic with stories of his past life upsets, but you also have had a 'hard life' in your previous abusive relationships. Please don't make the same mistake again and be swayed by his promises to change. You are young enough to start again in a happy, two-sided, relationship. Best make the decision now before it gets more difficult to cut free. Wishing you the strength and resolve to do what you already know is the best step - away from him!!