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So disappointed - what should I do now?

(182 Posts)
Jac64 Tue 15-Dec-20 19:08:59

I’ll try not to write a whole book, but I don’t want to leave any details out

I’m in my mid-fifties, my partner of 4 years is early 60s.

We met on-line, we don’t live together. He was widowed and left with 5 children 20 years ago. He’s had more tragedies in his life - his 21 year old daughter died, then a few years later his 18 year old son was left badly brain damaged in a car crash.

Through all this he had a platonic woman friend who supported him. They are still very close, phone every day, text repeatedly all day. I have grudgingly accepted this.

When we became exclusive we agreed to delete all online dating accounts, which I did. I later found out he hadn’t.

He then deleted them in front of me and I thought everything was going well.

However, last week I noticed a notification for a sex site pop up on his phone screen. I snooped in his phone.

He has made accounts on many hook-up sites. He has saved hundreds of explicit photos to his phone. He has messaged to arrange meetups.

But worse, there are 100s of photos of his “friend” - fully clothed, normal photos. There are none of me.

I confronted him. He said it’s research into scam sites. He said he’s sorry.

I am devastated - I had 2 abusive marriages previously. I thought he was different.

How Can I possibly carry on with this now?

Blinko Thu 17-Dec-20 20:33:03

I can't add to what's already been said. Except to wish you luck flowers

tictacnana Thu 17-Dec-20 22:32:08

Please, get rid of him now . This will end badly and you’re worth more. He has no intention of being faithful or respecting your feelings. You can do better. X

Woodmouse Thu 17-Dec-20 22:44:39

If someone truly loved you and cared about your feelings they wouldn't do what he has done. I really hope that you find the strength to walk away.

Roz215 Fri 18-Dec-20 00:50:27

I’m so sorry Jac but this man is a user. Plenty of them about. Take some time and really think about the kind of man (if any!) you’d like in your life. Make a list of the qualities you regard as essential and how you want and deserve to be treated. What you uncover might surprise you and it feels good to know your own worth and how much value (or not) you put on yourself. You seem like a kind caring good person. You deserve the best. I wish you every happiness. Now go. Far away from this chancer. ?

Soul Fri 18-Dec-20 07:57:15

Very upsetting when you've placed all your trust in him. However, he hasn't respected you at all. Things will never be the same again, so what's the point in hanging on and getting more and more hurt?
Break free while you are still young enough to fight for a new life for yourself.

Shropshirelass Sun 20-Dec-20 09:32:32

It is hard but get out of this ‘relationship’. Don’t worry about the holiday or anything else but you. He wants to have his cake and eat it. Thank goodness you don’t live together as that would make it harder. There are some good men out there, he isn’t one of them. Good luck, you will be fine. Stay strong.