So disappointed - what should I do now?

Sounds like that horrible Geoff on Coronation street to me

Leave ASAP

Get out now. Have friend who has a second marriage with someone like this. It is a living hell just get out now you deserve better. I would not hesitate as at his age he is not going to change so move on,

Feel lucky to have found out and cut all ties NOW.

Walk.....Hold your head high and your middle finger higher!!!!

As others have said, it's pretty unanimous here! Here's my tuppence worth. You're clearly a kind person and were perhaps partly drawn to get more involved with him when you learned of the tough experiences he has had. For whatever reason, he can't commit to an honest and equal relationship with you - he is finding sexual satisfaction elsewhere and emotional support from his friend. It does sound as though he realised he'd found in you someone caring and generous who would help him emotionally and practically with his son and grandkids and be good company ( on his terms). He is certainly not being honest with you and does not appear to want the exclusivity and commitment that you would have liked from the relationship. Whatever excuses he may have and whatever pleas he may make to get you to stay, you are not responsible for him and have to think of your own future happiness and mental health as well. You don't need to justify yourself to him and neither do you need to have a major falling out or rant ( don't give him an inroad to try to explain his behaviour and talk you out of breaking off with him). Just tell him calmly that you've made your decision and wish him the best for the future. I was with someone for about six years who , with hindsight, just fitted me into his life in a way that suited him. There was dishonesty in that he was quite manipulative, probably gay, and could actually have alienated me from my kids (in spite of having a good relationship with them in many ways). I'm now married to a wonderful man who cherishes me and is an amazing stepdad and grandpa. You don't need to be with someone to be fulfilled, but you have every chance of meeting someone who deserves you should you choose to give it another go. All the best.

End it.
Good luck OP. x

Good luck - He probably has commitment issues and won’t change it is nothing to do with you . Do it for yourself and your children they don’t want to see mum miserable and treated like this and as others have said be thankful you don’t live together x

Jac64 this tells you everything you need to know. He will never be faithful and you are not his priority - run for hills lady!

Totally agree with everyone else Get rid of the narcissistic deceitful creature Cut all ties and tell everyone why You may well find he's spinning the platonic friend the same lines as he's spinning you and all sorts more You are worth so much more Please make an appointment at the sexual health clinic asap HUGS XX

Hi Jac64

I'm sorry to read you are dealing with this unsettling situation. Your partners past difficulties doesn't excuse his behaviour now towards you. He can't have any respect for you if he continues to behave in this manner. Once hooked on these sites, it becomes a habit to them. I have had past experience such as you and I finally walked away from the relationship.
As for his platonic friendship, I suspect from what you say about it that it could be unrequited love. It sounds like your partner wants more from their relationship than the friend does.

It's soul destroying for you and damn right cruel of him to keep you dangling as the back up plan. Hold your head up high and walk away. Don't strive for his attention. You are the star of your show, so hold out for someone who will treat you well. As they say, as one door closes another will be waiting to open. As someone once said to me when I was going through a similar situation....Better the right kind of nothing than the wrong kind of something. X

If you stay with this disgusting man you will be treated like rubbish at your own expense.

I wish you all the strength and courage you will need going forwards.

As others have said GET OUT now! You do deserve better, good luck xx

I really feel for you, I’m so sorting he turned out to be a liar and possibly a cheat ! Dump him, move on ! You’re worth a thousand of him. There are some lovely and lonely sincere and honest men out there. Sounds like you have supportive children ! Better luck next time xxx

if you stay, he'll think he got away with it before & do it again. Go, there are decent blokes out there & I would tell your children why, in maybe a slightly sanitized version because it'll show them how to protect themselves in future

rosecarmel

*But why the hell would he do this?*

Because he's just another guy, like most- And what they don't store on their phones they commit to memory- They're shady as the day is long!

That’s a bit harsh!There are good men out there. Sadly, this one is not one of them.
I am sorry you are having to go through this but, as others have said, he is not worth it and you are worth much more. Good luck!

This sounds like ‘Geoff’ from Coronation Street. I haven’t read any other replies, but it’s time to call it a day. You’re still young, go for it.

lf you don't get rid of this man you will have a lifetime of stress. You deserve better.

I see this as you have 2 choices.
You accept that this person will never be honest with you and may have multiple meetings with other women
Or
You cut your losses and leave him asap and rebuild your life without him.
Really the choice is yours but good luck and best wishes whatever you decide xxx

You deserve better.

Please walk away from this horrible excuse for a man and start your life afresh,he certainly has no respect for you and you deserve better.Walk away now and start to enjoy your life you are young enough to start again but keep away from dating sites.

I am sorry to hear this, it must be very difficult for you.
My advice is to spend some time working this through, focussing on what you want and how can you achieve that.

This man has lied to you, of course he is not doing research into scam sites and he continues the communication with his ‘platonic’ friend, in a way which you find hurtful.

I suggest you work through how you could disentangle your life from his. Then have a conversation with him setting out what you intend to do.
He may offer alternatives or try to persuade you, but you have this knowledge about his behaviour and habits, that you didn’t have before. Knowledge is power.

I don’t think this man will change long term, he may offer changes but you now know he doesn’t keep his promises.

Do you have a trusted friend or relative you can confide in? You may need to work this through several times before you find a way forward.

All things pass and this very unpleasant situation will too. You have choices and options. You will find a solution. Posting on GN is a good step.
Good luck. ?

Been there, done that and got the T-shirt. I kicked my partner out and have never looked back. Get rid of him as soon as possible and CHANGE THE LOCKS immediately!!

Your worth more Jac04. You know the answer yourself, you dont need us to tell you. Take care